Archive for July, 2010

Karen answers Jessi

admin on Jul 29th 2010

Comment by Jessi on 08 Jun 2010 at 2:24 pm

Dear Karen,

When you feel like drowning what do you do? When you feel lost what helps you find your way? I feel like I’m drowning and lost. If I were to do anything to help myself what is it I could do? If you are lonely, lost, hurting and betrayed how could I allow someone I trusted to get in the way? How can I overcome it? My therapist betrayed my trust. He asked me to do something inappropriate to him thinking I was under hypnosis but I wasn’t. I was faking. I don’t want to go into details here but can you ask Dr. Baer the right measures to take. Should I report him? Let it go? Find another therapist? I didn’t tell him I know what he asked and enjoyed on my behalf. I feel like drowning because I did what he asked while pretending to be hypnotized. I respect your decision and if you cant answer that’s okay. I don’t know how to handle this. Is it abuse or not? I’m confused and feel all alone.

Jessi

Dear Jessi,

I hear you. Yes, what you have experienced is abuse. And yes, your therapist should be reported. I understand the pain that comes when someone you trust and confided in hurts you. I’ve been there, too, not with my therapist, but with others I assumed I could trust.

I’m sorry your therapist betrayed you. I would feel devastated, too. I asked Dr. Baer what actions you could take and he said you could report him to the Ethics Committee if he belongs to a professional organization (psychologist, psychiatrist?) or sue him for malpractice.  You can notify the Ethics Committee by calling the general number for the professional organization.

Please know that if your therapist asked you to perform lewd or inappropriate acts while assuming you were under hypnosis, that is a crime. And your therapist knows it. I’m not sure of your reason to not tell him you were faking while being under hypnosis.  But that doesn’t matter at this point. You can’t continue therapy with him.

You’ll need to work out what’s happened to you with a new therapist.  Abuse is abuse.  Please seek another therapist as soon as possible. Share with your new therapist what you have shared with me and maybe together you can find the right way to handle this abuse.

Know that you have done nothing wrong. Your therapist betrayed not only your trust, but also caused damage to your overall well being.

Please take time to heal and seek qualified help. I will be here for you if you need to write me again.

Karen

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Karen answers Frank

admin on Jul 29th 2010

Comment by Frank on 08 Jun 2010 at 11:20 am

Hi Karen,

I think your story should be a movie! I am a musician and would like to offer you advice on what kind of music would compliment your story. If a movie is to be made please contact me. I am your music fb friend.

Thank you!

Frank

Dear Frank,

Thank you for your enthusiasm and thoughtful compliments!  I agree, it would make a great movie! I am honored by your request to offer advice if a movie were made. I know where I can find you… Thank you!

Karen

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Karen answers Grateful Dad

admin on Jul 29th 2010

Comment by Grateful Dad on 08 Jun 2010 at 6:44 am

Hi Karen!

I’d like for you to know how your book helped my twenty two year old daughter. She was raped when she was ten by a relative who babysat her. Kaitlyn is not a multiple like you but to share what happened as a child she would make up these stories about what happened to a ‘friend’ of hers. She would do this over and over again and my wife and I would tell her what we thought. Then a point came where we had to do something for this ‘friend’ of hers. We assumed she was a neighborhood child in great distress and in need of intervention. We called the police. Lo and behold after an hour of the police questioning my daughter cried out there was no ‘friend’ who was raped, SHE was raped. Devastated we were, sought help, and had the man arrested, but she continued the next twelve years referring to her rape in third person. I read you story. Karen I gave my daughter the book after I finished. I made a good choice. She received knowledge and swears a new direction towards healing. I applaud you for being so brave. I respect Dr. Baer for his patience while helping you heal. Switching Time is the best source to cover not only mpd but rape, self esteem, depression and of how abuse can destroy many areas of one persons life. I choose you for my favorite inspirational person. My daughter shines today. The lonely sad look in the way she carried herself seems to have lightened. Five months ago today she read your book. I love having my daughter back! Thank you.

Grateful Dad

Baltimore, MD

Dear Grateful Dad,

Thank you so much for sharing your inspiring story of hope. I can empathize with the reason your daughter chose to talk in the third person. I have done that myself. As a child, I couldn’t explain away all that was happening to me. There were times that I needed to think in story form about someone else in order to understand what was happening to me. My alters were created to protect me and help me survive, much in the same way your daughter chose to experience her rape outside of herself in the third person.

I am not a therapist and can only share my experiences, but I believe your daughter’s choice was her best effort to deal with her pain. Please know that your daughter’s healing will continue, but what’s most important is that she no longer needs to hide and hold her pain inside. Knowledge brings power and understanding.

I admire your efforts to find help for your daughter. That’s what I hope to hear from all parents who sense something is not right with their child. I’m glad to hear you and your wife called the police once you realized there was a problem. I know that must have been hard, but necessary to do.

Thank you for all your kind thoughts and compliments. I’m touched that you believe me to be an inspiration. It’s my desire to encourage hope through sharing my story. I’ll pass your letter on to Dr. Baer.

Wishing you and your family all my best!

Karen

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Karen answers Nadia

admin on Jul 7th 2010

Comment by Nadia on 7-6-2010 at 12:15 am

Dear Karen,

I am hurting badly. I am about to deliver a baby from after being raped by my father. I have two months to go in my pregnancy and haven’t told anyone it was my father who raped me. I was a virgin before that rape . I feel sick at the thought. And get this he slapped me around for getting pregnant!!!!!!! I am thirteen and my father raped me. I want to give this child a chance of a better life by putting her up for adoption. How do I explain that away to those in the family already calling me a whore? I am afraid. I have nowhere to live and am suppose to start in high school in August and my baby is due in September. I read your book for ideas on how to dissociate and my friends mother told me about you. I have been pretending okay but feel bad. I don’t want my new high school friends to think I am a whore.

What would you do Karen? I need advice. Can you help me and send an answer before August? Thank you!

Nadia

Dear Nadia,

I understand and empathize with your experience. It’s terrible to hear that your pregnancy is the result of being raped by your father. A baby should be welcomed and celebrated. It’s unacceptable that you are struggling with this alone.

Please know that you are not a whore; you are a victim. What happened to you was not your fault, no matter how your father or anyone else tries to explain away your pregnancy. You have done nothing wrong! You are a young adult just beginning to explore life, love, and all that comes from building respect and trust in relationships. What happened to you is criminal. Your father stole your freedom and your innocence. That is not acceptable. That is illegal. Your father needs to be imprisoned.

At thirteen it’s hard enough to feel confidant when your self-esteem is not challenged. There are choices you can make to turn your life around in a positive way. First, you don’t need to start school in your last month of pregnancy; you can be excused with a simple note from your doctor.

If I were you I would immediately report your rape to the police. Tell the police that your pregnancy is the result of your father raping you. Tell them what you have shared with me. What your father did was a criminal act. Rape is rape. Rape is a crime.

I admire your decision to have a family adopt your baby. It sounds to me as if you are wise beyond your years, and have thoroughly thought through your decision to find a family for your child. I believe there are organizations that can help you. Of course, there will be steps that must be taken in order to secure the safety of you and your unborn child. The police will help you with this. I would immediately plan to speak to the authorities, without your father knowing. He will be arrested, and he must be, because he has raped you and committed incest. You must not try to protect your abuser, no matter how much trouble you think it will cause.

I know you are afraid. I would be, too! Please don’t carry this alone. Please seek help and know that I am here if you need support. Though I am not a therapist and can’t give advice, I can share my opinion. Dr. Baer agrees with me on this, too.

Wishing you all my best to safely make the right decisions for you and your unborn baby. Thank you for choosing me to write to about your thoughts. I have faith in you. I believe you already know in your heart what’s the right thing to do. Don’t be afraid. Be brave.

Karen

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Karen answers Kellie

admin on Jul 5th 2010

Comment by Kellie on 03 Jun 2010 at 2:15 am

How are you? I am a woman who was terribly abused. In some odd way I can feel all you went through like it was happening to myself. When reading I was sick. I felt everything you did. It hurt so bad. I am glad you survived. My pain subsided when I finished reading. You amaze me.

Dear Kellie,

Thank you for sharing! I’m sorry to hear that you were abused. What you have described is called empathy. I am an attuned person, too! Whenever I hear or read someone else’s story, I attach my feelings to theirs. Time and again I have felt the pain of others as my own. I’m often glad to have the ability to empathize with others. Why? Because it helps me understand their pain. It helps me gain knowledge and understanding on a much deeper level. In my opinion, that’s the best way to learn.

Thank you for your thoughts and compliments! I am glad to hear that your pain subsided once you gained peace at the end of reading my story.

Wishing you all my best!

Karen

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Karen answers Matt

admin on Jul 5th 2010

Comment by Matt on 30 May 2010 at 9:11 am

Hey K.O.!

Love that you are you! Love that you don’t care what others think! Love that you spread inspiration after your hurt filled past experiences. I could never survive what you did. I feel privileged you share with me and never met me. Are you as happy as you make others happy? I hope you are! Thank you kind sweet child of God.

Matt

Dear Matt,

Thank you for recognizing my uniqueness! I truly appreciate your kindness. I believe in being true to myself. I am simply me: one woman who happened to survive something horrific. I believe we all learn from each other. In sharing my story I hope to bring knowledge to a once misunderstood and incomprehensible illness: multiple personality disorder.

Regarding your not believing you could survive a similar experience. Yes, if you believed in yourself and had faith, you could. Sharing and helping others makes me happy.

God bless you!

Karen

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Karen answers Sean

admin on Jul 5th 2010

Comment by Sean on 31 May 2010 at 9:18 pm

Karen,

I’m a high school student and as a source of a psychology project, I decided to read this book. I had no idea what was coming for me! I found that my eyes were glued to this book for an entire week, absolutely fascinated with the twists and turns that you actually survived! It’s absolutely incredible. I had originally signed up for this psych class with the intent of seeing if it was really for me, and reading this book has opened up a whole new realm of interest in my life! My excitement for this book is so contagious that i spread this amazing story to 3 of my friends and even a teacher! They’re reading this book right now. The accomplishments of both you and Dr. Baer are awe-inspiring and fascinating to an endless degree! As you can see your incredible story has gotten me very excited! Thank you,

Sean, sophomore in high school

Dear Sean,

I apologize for my delayed response. Thank you so much for sharing! I’m touched by your enthusiasm for psychiatry and how one’s mind can alter experience when there’s a desperate need to survive. I continue to find myself fascinated with how the brain functions.

Thank you for all your thoughts and compliments! Dr. Baer and I appreciate you sharing your optimism with your teacher and fellow classmates! That’s the way it should be; when we read something awe-inspiring, it should be shared.  I feel your excitement. That has brought renewed meaning for me to continue sharing in the best way I can!

Wishing you all my best as your journey to discovery continues!

Karen

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