Archive for May, 2013

Karen answers Wendy

admin on May 13th 2013

Comment by Wendy on 15 Sep 2012 at 7:00 pm

I am sure you were kept alive by a higher power. I am enrolled in a college psychology class and we are reading your story. Since I already finished reading before the others I wanted to share how much I admire you. Through your book I have gained perspective and compassion for the unknown. I hope you continue writing about your life. One thought came to mind is how is your relationship with the doctor? He better be keeping close tabs and be of support. At this point I hated him at first and by the end of the book liked him. I have known more then a few crooked therapists and have a minor concern over his selfish narcissism which is clearly evident in the early chapters of the book. Keep writing Karen. Thank you.

Dear Wendy,

It’s really nice to hear your kind thoughts regarding my being kept alive by a higher power. I believe you are right! I also believe God chose Dr. Baer to help me through many difficult years. The day my therapy started I felt hopeless after years of unanswered prayers. For me help came at a perfect time in my life. A time in which after contemplating suicide I was ready, willing, and able to start healing from my horrific childhood. I beat the odds and am alive today to share my story because of my faith in God to help me receive the best treatment possible.

I’m glad to hear you have gained perspective and compassion for the unknown! That’s an amazing accomplishment! It’s taken me years to achieve that! I have been fortunate to receive the best care by Dr. Baer and friends who, despite my needy ways, stuck with me through many years of chaos and turmoil. My relationship with Dr. Baer continues to be friendly. After all that we have been through together to heal me, how could it not be? I’m grateful to have found an honest therapist who treated me unconditionally. Narcissist? Dr. Baer? Never saw that during all my years in therapy.

Wishing you all my best! Thank you for sharing and for your confidence in my writing. Yes, I will keep writing! I love to write and am currently working on the sequel to Switching Time!

Karen

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Karen answers Mark

admin on May 13th 2013

Comment by Mark on 11 Sep 2012 at 2:52 pm

Hi Karen,

I thought of my ailing mother who was the worst mother on earth and wanted to know if you have forgiven your mother? I am having the worst time being of service to her after all that she did and ignored when I was younger. I have a definite love/hate relationship with her and everytime I think all is well she triggers crap in me and I want to choke her or kill myself. I don’t know what to do about it. She is false and when I am alone with her she criticizes me into my feeling suicidal. When people are around she is the sweetest, kindest senior citizen around. I get sick thinking of how she is perceived as the perfect mom and grandma. I feel like pulling out all my hair. Why do I help her? Do you feel obligated to help your mother? If you do will you please advise me of how you do it? I know you were a multiple and are not now and wonder how different your relationship is now. I feel like two different people, one with compassion and the other with retaliation.

Dear Mark,

Yes, I have forgiven my mother. How could I not? I am not one to judge, and realized many years after my father died that she, too, had suffered greatly at his hands. I never understood her when I was a child. I can actually say I hated her for not helping me. But as an adult I have no hate in me. I let go so that I could live. By holding grudges I made myself ill. It’s such a wonderful feeling to let go and forgive. In time I hope to share my story with her. But she is not ready to hear it for she has been ill.

My mother is similar to yours as when she is around others she’s sweet and wonderful, but not when we are alone. But I have accepted this as her issue, not mine. Sure, I hate it and it makes me feel ill every time we meet up with someone. Like you, I help my mother, too. Forgive me for what I’m about to say, but I see my relationship with my Mom as a “mission.” It’s the one way I can pour love into her without making myself sick.

What works best for me is to know that I can walk away whenever threatened. Retaliation is not helpful. Love is. When you love the one you once hated something happens within you. First you find tolerance, then acceptance, and finally a sense of calm knowing you are not in control. God has you covered.

Wishing you find peace in your thoughts and with your Mom before she passes on. Make amends. Life is too short to harbor ill thoughts. Let go.

Karen

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Karen answers Sam McFarland

admin on May 13th 2013

Comment by Sam McFarland on 10 Sep 2012 at 6:00 am

Your book was OUTSTANDING….can’t wait for a sequel to find out more about your life after Switching Time.

love/me

Dear Sam,

Thank you so much! You are such a dear friend to me and it would be my pleasure to share with you again on your radio program! My life continues to improve daily, and after a few years of roller-coaster riding, I believe to have found my happiness, while taking time off for myself, in Texas. I’m truly blessed and looking forward to being an inspiration to all.

So excited to feel a desire to write!

Looking forward to talking again soon…

Karen

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Karen answers Andrew

admin on May 13th 2013

Comment by Andrew on 10 Sep 2012 at 12:05 am

Karen, I just read the previous post from Shadow and am totally fascinated with his/her idea of a virtual alter… wow! Your mind is so complex I can’t wait to read your answer! BTW How do you view Dr. Baer now? Have you continued feeling his presence in your inner world/outer life? Started my classes last week and your story is on the list, can’t wait to finish reading and debate it but know I am in favor of your healing mystery.

Dear Andrew,

Thank you for sharing and being in favor of my healing mystery!

Please read my response to Shadow’s question.

I no longer ‘feel’ Dr. Baer’s presence in the same way I did when he treated me in therapy. I will never forget our time together and continue to think fondly of him for all that he has done to help me help myself and make my life livable. I know Dr. Baer is never far away and will be there for me if I need him.

Wishing you my best during your studies and future debate.

Karen

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Karen answers Shadow

admin on May 13th 2013

Comment by Shadow on 08 Sep 2012 at 1:32 pm

Hello Karen,

Please forgive me that I must use a made-up name to protect myself. I wish to make two observations I don’t seem to see being made. Firstly, the unseen community of DID/MPD ‘alters’ is surely becoming educated about themselves by such books as yours. For instance, I initially started out reading about DID/MPD to help me understand a DID/MPD friend. BTW, my friend calls it MPS, for ‘Multiple Personality System’. And the more I studied these books, the more I began to experience the oddest developments within myself. For 6 months I was telling my friend, “I don’t know what is happening to me–it is very odd.” Then I finally admitted, “I seem to be some kind of MPS myself.” Actually, my ‘alter’ was learning from everything I was reading at the same time as I was, and began to ‘wake up’. Then a lifetime of ‘clues’ began to come together and make sense to me. So that is one thought, that the unseen community of ‘alters’ themselves, some of them anyways, are becoming educated by the very books written about their special subset of society. Secondly, it occurred to me that you still have one remaining virtual ‘alter’ within yourself; Dr. Baer. All he would have to do even today, is induct you into a hypnotic state, talk you into your ‘safe room’, and describe himself entering, and there he would be. I should think it would be extremely useful for you to have the ‘virtual alter’ of Dr. Baer. And surely after so many years of knowing him, you must have a really good idea how he would speak and act internally. So these are just my thoughts.  Once again, please excuse me for not using my real name, or my ‘alter’s name either (at least for now). But I hope ‘Shadow’ will do, and I am so very glad and honored to meet you (and so is my alter).

Dear Shadow,

Thank you for sharing your very interesting thoughts. I have often wondered how multiples, and those who wish to have multiple personality, perceive my story. I assume for some my story will trigger their past abuse, if they had been abused, but then again, most would see the story for what it is. My story is not a suggestion to create alters. What interests me about your letter is the way my story gradually crept up into your overall well being. That’s something that should be talked over with a qualified therapist. There may be an underlying issue that you have not uncovered and needs to be dealt with. I’m sorry my story affected you in this way, but I truly care and hope you find the best therapist to help you.

Dr. Baer is most certainly NOT a virtual ‘alter’ of mine! Besides, after integration was complete, my inner room was closed off for good. There is no way to re-open that door that I am aware of. Why would I want to anyway? What’s in the past will remain in the past. No need to go back.

It could be possible for me to fall back comfortably into the mode of therapy, but I highly doubt it. It’s been many years and it has not happened. We both moved on. I no longer need Dr. Baer in the way I once did. We have a respectful mutual friendship.

Wishing you all my best on your journey to wholeness.

Karen

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Karen answers Phoebe

admin on May 13th 2013

Comment by Phoebe on 06 Sep 2012 at 8:02 am

Dear Karen,

I am a teen but read your book. I was abused by two cousins who are 20 and 23, and I am 15. I feel to blame and thought I asked to be abused. So after reading your book, I decided to pretend it never happened like dissociation helped you.  I will attempt to think my abuse happened to another part of me. Do you think this is a good idea or bad idea? I think you’re awesome and inspiring and will do whatever you think is best because I believe you have the right on target thoughts. I read somewhere you wrote abuse is abuse. Is it, really?

Dear Phoebe,

Thank you for sharing. No, in my opinion, I don’t think it’s wise to try to dissociate the terror you suffered in order to get through life. First, it may come back to haunt you with a vengeance. The abuse did happen to all of you, not a part of you, and this is not acceptable.

Please know that you are not to blame. You are 15 and your abusers are 20 and 23 years old and know the difference. They have not acted appropriately and took advantage of you. This is not okay. It’s never okay. Abuse is abuse. Please seek help with a qualified therapist who will guide you to take the proper action.

Thank you for your compliments and for writing to me via Facebook. It’s my hope my previous answer has helped you get the help you need. Always remember, if you say “No”, that means no and you did not give permission. Yes, I will say it time and again. Abuse is Abuse.

Take care of yourself. Respect yourself. Seek help.

Wishing you all my best as you journey through healing.

Karen

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Kaen answers Honeylorraine

admin on May 13th 2013

Comment by Honeylorraine on 30 Aug 2012 at 4:07 pm

Hi Karen. I learned an unforgettable lesson from your story. Since this happened to you as a child, what gave you hope when everyone let you down? How did you cope when feeling unloved? Were there any positive adult role models and who were they? I never met you, BUT I love you very much! Please keep writing and catch up. You are a gift from ABOVE.

Dear Honeylorraine,

Thank you for your question. What gave me hope was prayer; I prayed all the time. My faith saw me through many difficult times, but then, after many years of trying, I started to fall. I assumed God had given up on me. He did not.  One day my grandmother, my mother’s mother, caught my father abusing me and she prayed non-stop for over six hours. This frightened me beyond belief. Though I didn’t understand all of what she prayed for, she did tell me at that time that she prayed God would put someone in my life to help me when I was older and able to deal with what was happening to me. At the time I believed her. I often wonder why she didn’t report my being abused to the police. My grandmother died long ago, so I’ll never know. Nearly twenty years later, I found Dr. Baer and believe my grandmother’s prayers were finally answered. Dr. Baer never gave up on me and treated me with great respect during eighteen years of therapy.

Though I admit I felt unloved most of my life, there were people who I knew truly loved me and I fed off their compliments and compassion. These were people placed in my life at the right time for me to know that I am a survivor and will get through. I wish I could say they were my family, but they were not. I consider these special God-sent friends my chosen family.

Thank you for your compliments and for loving me! I truly am grateful to hear these words.

Karen

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