Karen answers Once Devoted Father

admin on Apr 19th 2009

Comment by Once Devoted Father on 16 Apr 2009 at 11:38 pm

Hi Karen,

I am a father who was falsely charged with sexual child abuse by my very own daughter after she didn’t receive what she wanted from me. My daughter is fifteen and read your book and decided it was a good way to seek attention. She confessed and told this to the judge. The judge didn’t believe her and sent her off to counsel. All turned out true and I was released. But now My life is destroyed. It took over a year now since she recanted and I was sent free. I lost my job, my faith and all respect from my neighbors. Our family now is forced to move out of shame. We set to move next week. I am here thinking of you.

While sitting in prison I read your book. The book that indirectly sent me there. I empathize with all that you have gone through. I cried when I read what happened to you. I wanted to get out and hurt your father if he werent already dead. My anger continued to get the best of me while I sat waiting for the justice system to figure things out. I can’t believe it took them so long. My daughter recanted two weeks after my arrest but her therapist insisted the only way she could have accused me was because I did do it. Now she feels bad and wants to ignore all like nothing happened. I can’t forget and have ill feelings. My God I spent time in prison how do I forget that?

My daughter can’t look me in the eye. She cries herself to sleep. She has no friends and she lost so much weight she looks anorexic. We tried therapy and it went badly. She refuses to try again. I have forgiven her but admit when she pisses me off I drag up dirt. I feel awful. She feels awful. Do you think we will ever be father and daughter again like before all this happened?

Once devoted father.

Dear Devoted Father,

Your are not a “once devoted father”, you are still a devoted father, otherwise you wouldn’t have cared enough to seek help with a therapist, try to communicate with your daughter, have concern for her well being, and then write to me and share your pain.  I believe you are devoted, but just a bit unsure of what to do next to rebuild trust in your relationship. I can hear that you still hurt. I assume she hurts, too.

I’m sorry to hear that your daughter read Switching Time and chose my story to imitate in a fraudulent way.  I know it’s hard for most to believe that any child could make up such horror. People make mistakes. I’m glad that your daughter eventually decided to do the right thing and tell the judge she made it all up. That was very brave of her.  I’m sure she didn’t plan on your being thrown in jail when she accused you.  She must be devastated by all that’s transpired.  I hope she finds someone she can talk to.  I can empathize on how hard things are for you at this time.  Please don’t give up.  If possible, reconsider therapy.

I’m not a therapist and can’t give advice, but in my opinion, in due time, you and your daughter will find common ground.  The love you have for each other will always stay the same.  I do believe in time you will both forgive each other as well as yourselves. I feel honored that you chose to share with me.

I wish you both all my best.

Karen

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