Karen answers Cathy

admin on Apr 24th 2009

Comment by Cathy on 21 Apr 2009 at 12:36 pm

Karen, How did you heal from the betrayal you have experienced in so many ways since your birth? I mean, you seem so kind. Has anyone ever betrayed you and how did you survive your pain. I just found a post office key, my husband’s, it was in his pants pocket when I did the wash. I went to the post office and found many letters from his ex-girlfriend from high school twelve years ago. It appears they are together again. My husband started abusing me physically after my therapist had him come in for a joint session. My therapist informed him that I was sexually abused as a child. My husband said I disgust him for allowing myself to be abused. Sounds like you might know how I feel? I guess my husband turned to his ex for support. One thing led to another and now he’s abusing me. I feel betrayed. I didn’t confront him. I know I need to because his anger is affecting our three children, 10, 8, and 7. Our 7 year old girl is hurting most. The boys, don’t think so?

I can’t help myself and believe you have walked in my shoes of pain. Please help me.

Cathy

Dear Cathy,

I do understand how you must feel after being betrayed by not only your husband but also by your therapist, for revealing information about you. It’s not easy to heal from the hurt caused when someone betrays you.  I can recall looking out a window and all that I could see was nothing but blindness caused by betrayal.  Yes, I have been betrayed, many times over, but after each time I tried my best to pick myself up and move forward as best I could with lessons learned.

After an act of betrayal I feel devastated and shocked, as if I’d been kicked and my breath had been taken away.  I hurt so badly I become unable to function.  I feel myself slipping deep into despair.  Once betrayed, it creates a breach of trust that is difficult to erase.  That is why betrayal is so painful.

I found a way to deal with those who have betrayed me by simply reclaiming my own peaceful heart.  Of course, I do grieve.  Having someone betray you is a loss.  Please give yourself time to acknowledge the loss you’ve received and allow yourself to grieve.

I’m sorry that your therapist shared your past abuse with your husband. That was unfair and inappropriate. Being abused wasn’t your fault; it’s never the child’s fault.

Please take care of yourself and your children.  I am not a therapist and can’t give advice. What I have shared comes strictly from my thoughts, past experience, opinions, and from my heart.  I am saddened that your children are being affected.  I’m sure the boys are learning from your husband’s behavior, too.

You may not be able to change things back to where they once were, but you can heal.

Wishing you all my best.

Karen

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