Karen answers Niki

admin on Apr 25th 2009

Comment by Niki on 24 Apr 2009 at 7:35 am

Hello Karen,

I’m not asking these questions at all to offend you. So if they are too personal or you don’t want to answer that is fine.

Do you still have any ‘alters’?

Do your children know that you had MPD?

Or do they just know now after you have gotten help?

Did your mother find out about all that has happened to you and what you was diagnosed with MPD?

Do you have a good relationship with your mother now?

I hope my questions are alright. I can hardly wait to hear back from you. I hope your day has been wonder.

Niki

Dear Niki,

I don’t mind answering your questions. I believe we all learn from each other, and I feel privledged to have been asked.

My alters all merged within me during the integration process.  I am one woman now, with a variety of interests that have come from each of my seventeen alters.  However, being blended, not one of my alters remains in their original form.  Think of the alters as puzzle pieces.  Alone, each piece is one piece of the puzzle, but put all the pieces together, and you have the complete picture.

My children always knew that something was up. I have always acted the same with them. I am their Mom. My children knew I suffered from many headaches and was ill at times, but they weren’t aware of the individual alters by name. My alters were created to protect me and to keep my life functioning as normal as possible. Each of my alters answered to “Mom” and acted for my children’s safety.

My children have read my story and now it all makes sense to them. They are able to understand why I was the way I was, and they accept me as I am.

My mother knew I was being abused and that I lost time. She blamed it on other things, such as my needing attention or having a brain tumor.  She never fully acknowledged knowing I was abused. Recently, in the last few years, my mother has slipped and revealed memories that proved she knew.  For me, her “slips” are closure.  Now that my mother is in her seventies I don’t bring up the past. My father passed away fifteen years ago, and all my other abusers are deceased.

My mother and I continue to maintain a relationship, we just never engage in deep conversation. I drive her to the store, we have coffee and chat.  She doesn’t know me, nor does she know that I have written my story.  I have forgiven my mother.  I believe she really is unable to comprehend the true depth of the pain she caused by not paying attention to the signs of my abuse.  That is why I share my story, to bring awareness of child abuse

Karen

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One Response to “Karen answers Niki”

  1. Multiplemarissaon 25 May 2009 at 12:25 pm

    The primary reason for most of MY alters was my traumatic childhood. Most of my alters were created for my survival. Several of the personalities created were babies, who survived almost 20 to 25 years in isolation before they discovered each other inside. It was almost 30 years before I discovered them. To tell them that I do not need them now and ask for them to be FUSED / INTEGRATED is nothing but genocide.

    Imagine you were a baby personality, living in a dark spot inside someone else, yelled and mocked at every time you came out. Eventually, things seem normal outside and you think it is safe to venture out and explain the reason for your existence. You are no threat to anyone and are content to remain within your host body. Imagine how terrifying it must be to have people talk of getting rid of you / fusing you ’cause you are of no use. They think they have integrated you, but little do they realize they have driven you into a state of shock were you know you exist but cannot talk, articulate your thoughts or even indicate you exist.

    http://multiplemarissa.blogspot.com/2009/05/controlling-host-body.html

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