Archive for June, 2010

Karen answers Cherice Kay

Richard Baer on Jun 7th 2010

Comment by Cherice Kay on 13 May 2010 at 9:30 am

Dear Karen,

WOW! and double WOW, WOW! I just finished reading your book. I am sitting at my desk in shock. I mean really in shock. I feel exhausted but not tired. I had to find you and write to you. I wish you were right in front of me so I could hug you. I have never read a book that caused extreme emotional exhaustion on me. I am going to bed now. I will be cuddling up under my covers and dreaming of the wonderful woman I just finished reading about. Healing. You accomplished it. You healed yourself. Your alter told your therapist how to heal you. WOW, WOW, WOW! Why did you have to pay? You were your own therapist. WOW! Richard Baer was lucky you chose him to help you. Fate is what it’s called. Great team work but Karen you knew you were your own therapist all along, didn’t you? God knows it, too! God has blessed you! Never forget it! Thank you for writing your book through Richard Baer.

Cherice Kay

Dear Cherice Kay,

Thank you for all your compliments and sharing your enthusiasm. I have no words to thank you for all the optimism you shared. But I am touched by your excitement and the challenge my story has given you.

I am proud of my healing, but admit I needed help and it was a gift to have a great therapist who was able to care for me unconditionally for many years. I was fortunate to have been blessed with what I needed: a safe place to express and share my horrific past. Not many could say they had such perfect timing and luck with a therapist. I feel privileged to have found Dr. Baer. He definitely came into my life when I needed help the most.

Though it’s true my alter Holdon gave Dr. Baer an idea about what he believed would help in the process of integration, it was impossible for Holdon to be on the outside looking in while it happened. Dr. Baer was my mentor and coach, and guided the process. I believe healing and integration was possible after years of building rapport between the alters, Dr. Baer and me. It was teamwork at it’s best!

In a way, there is some truth in the idea of healing oneself. That’s what good therapy is… the doctor providing a safe setting, turning himself into a wall for one to bounce and reflect thoughts off of, and a mirror so that we can experience our true uniqueness.

In a way you are correct when you mention I healed myself. I healed myself while Dr. Baer protected me from myself. I was on a collision course. Dr. Baer steered me in the right direction for I was too blind to see.

Thank you for all your compliments!

Karen

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Karen answers Lisa

Richard Baer on Jun 7th 2010

Comment by Lisa on 13 May 2010 at 8:41 am

Hi Karen,

I feel sad. It’s the middle of the night and I integrated my first alter yesterday. I read your book and thought I knew what to expect but feel sad anyway. Could it be I expected a quick fix? Did you feel my way? I feel suicidal at the moment but read somewhere here that you said the feeling will pass ‘This too shall pass’ is what you said. I know I won’t receive your answer before my next appointment. I don’t expect an answer at all. I was thinking of you and your strength and courage and faith. I have agreed to integration only after hearing what it did for you. I would love to know how you are handling life today without your alters. I wish you had written a follow-up book. I miss the one who integrated yesterday. Patsy was fifteen and caused me a lot of stress. Patsy finally calmed down after years of therapy and was first to want to integrate. I loved the new her, the new improved Patsy with therapy. I will miss that Patsy, not the one who caused me grief at first. Enough said.

Thank you to being someone I could write to in the middle of the night. Who else can I share with this unbelievable process? People already think I am a crazy person. (joking). Thank you Karen. Thank you Richard Baer. Just providing knowledge helped me make my decision to integrate. If this were fifty years ago you and me may have been locked away in a sanitarium. Can you believe how time changes thoughts on the mentally ill. Love you Karen. Sleep tight. I know I’ll be okay. I am brave like you. I am smart like you. I even care about people like you.

Lisa

Dear Lisa,

Thank you for sharing! I understand how you’re feeling. I felt the same way, too. There were many thoughts running through my mind after each integration, but the first was the hardest. Dr. Baer and I had no idea what to expect—how I would react, how we would feel, and whether integration would work. But we tried and were successful. Why? Not just because of the integration, but the years of therapy and healing that led up to integration. Integration was simply the last step before growth in a new direction. I never lost my alters through integration; I gained the best part of each of them. My alters are me. I am my alters.

I admit, I felt suicidal, too. Integration is a huge challenge. There are expectations, wishful thinking, and fantasies that everything will be perfect. But that’s far from the truth. Integration is a step toward healing, but not the end of healing. After integration, it took a few more years to become one integrated woman, who gained all senses, wisdom, and knowledge from the many different parts of me. That alone began a new path on my journey to wellness.

I am glad you chose to write me in the middle of the night and appreciate that you understand my response may be slow to post. It’s my hope you are feeling much better now that a bit of time has passed. I have faith in you. I believe you will survive, too. Take time to heal. Remember this is your time. One day when your integration is complete you will look back and see that you have not lost anything, but gained all that you need to move forward.

Wishing you all my best for an abuse free future filled with good things, happiness, and success!

Karen

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Karen answers Richard

Richard Baer on Jun 7th 2010

Comment by Richard on 13 May 2010 at 4:09 am

Hi Karen. Thank you. Book was very helpful to me. My wife claimed to suffer from MPD during our divorce proceedings. First I ever heard of it. In thirty three years of marriage not once did she ever discuss this fact with me. I bought your book for clarification after a mutual friend of ours told me he believed my wife read your book. Quite a coincidence to what she shared before the judge. I am saddened and encouraged by your story. Saddened that some like my soon to be ex wife mock and use innocent survivors to gain attention. Encouraged that you survived horrific abuse. Too bad your husband was an ass and refused to support your healing. I have given my wife everything I could, a home, love and she claimed your illness as an excuse for her infidelity. According to her an alter had her many affairs not her. I would take her back in a moment if she were truthful. Unfortunately I can’t. Switching Time is a great book to teach about dissociation. Gook luck to you.

Richard

Tampa Bay, Florida

Dear Richard,

I’m sorry to hear that your wife used my story for attention. What interests me is why? There are many different illnesses to choose from and a true multiple would have shown signs much earlier.  In my opinion, no multiple can keep her illness hidden during thirty-three years of marriage.  Multiplicity is not an easy illness to hide from someone living with you.

I am glad you purchased Switching Time to help you understand the illness, but please know that the book is my story and that each multiple’s circumstances and past life are unique and can’t be compared to another. It does sadden me when I hear someone uses multiplicity as an excuse for inappropriate actions.

Thank you for feeling encouraged by my survival and for sharing. I appreciate hearing stories such as yours because it helps me understand how people process the knowledge gained from my story. There have been a few others who used my story to gain greater empathy with their families, friends or therapist.

I’m not a therapist and can’t give advice, but in my opinion your wife needs professional help. There must be deeper reasons behind her action. Whether she chose to lie for attention or to cover an affair doesn’t matter. I believe your wife was hurting and chose a way to deflect her true issues. It’s my hope she seeks help from a qualified therapist. Thirty-three years of marriage is a long time to throw away before trying to save it.

Wishing you a sense of calm.  I hope all works out for the best!

Karen

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