Karen answers Isabella

Richard Baer on Jun 7th 2010

Comment by Isabella on 18 May 2010 at 7:34 pm

Hi Karen,

How do you put up with annoying people? I have DID and have been in therapy for three years. As the days move along more and more people annoy me. Did you ever feel this way? I can’t believe how much strength I learned from you through your writing. Thanks. I would not be here if it were not from your calm presence in my soul.



Dear Isabella,

Great question! How to put up with annoying people?  Any suggestions? Of course I’ve felt the same as you, and there are times I still do. During my therapy years when I was emotionally drained, I tried to stay away from those who stressed me. But that’s not possible if you happen to live with or near one. I felt frustrated at times but never confidant enough to say STOP. I was the great listener and diffuser. Yet no one but Dr. Baer heard me.

I never shared with anyone what was discussed in my therapy sessions. The more I learned from Dr. Baer from how he listened to me, the more I paid attention to myself, and the better I felt. I need to take time for myself to heal. What I once assumed was selfishness on my part proved to be a necessity in order to survive and live my life. I had to let go of those who annoyed me until I was well enough to decide whether I needed that person in my life. I believe people come into your life for a reason. Annoying people are there for a season. I found that once they no longer receive your undivided attention, they move on to someone else. True friends don’t annoy you; they respect you.

During therapy, I found the stronger I became, the less I could tolerate annoying people and dysfunctional relationships. Maybe that’s what’s happening to you.

Though I no longer enable others and understand the need to focus more on myself, I continue to feel drained at times from the constant I neediness I experience from some people.  In my job this is a constant challenge. I understand this now. During therapy I did the same to Dr. Baer. I now walk away, and with caller ID, I simply choose whether or not I’m able to listen at that moment. There are times when I’m open to conversation, but not when feeling sad, deep in thought, or working on healing myself.

My sanity and time is important. So sometimes I put up a WALL (wait a little longer). Believe it or not those who call me with urgency often have soon forgotten why they called me in the first place. I realize they just found someone else to annoy.

Thank you for your challenging questions and for all you compliments!


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