<\/p>\n
\nComment by Shoshanni in Ireland on 27 Apr 2010 at 4:28 pm<\/span><\/p>\n
Hi Karen,<\/span><\/p>\n
I was watching a movie called The Lovely Bones and was wondering if you ever fantasized about dying and living among the dead to take out your abusers karma influence? I can\u2019t understand being abused like you were but I know what if feels like to be physically abused and wishing to be dead or wanting to be killed. Did you ever have thoughts of what would it be like to die from your wounds instead of creating alternate personalities? Do you ever think death to be a better alternative to living? I would love to see a movie about you, not of the book but about you. I bet you set high expectations to fit in with people who can\u2019t see the marvelous wisdom you possess. If you die will you come back? I think you will.<\/span><\/p>\n
Shoshanni<\/span><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n
Dear Shoshanni,<\/span><\/p>\n
Very interesting questions. Thank you for asking. I rented the movie “The Lovely Bones” last night to get a better understanding of your questions. I understand where you are coming from. And yes, I had many thoughts about what would have happened if I were to die and stick around until justice was done to my abusers. We all fantasize about how we can take control of our own lives, survive horror, and heal. It’s tough to feel hurt and not be in control of our experiences. But I believe as a child my creating alters was a blessing so that I’d never act out and plan to kill myself, something I would regret later. Of course, I wanted to die many times. I was repeatedly tortured and abused. The thought of death often appeared comforting. It still does at times. In the movie, the twelve-year-old girl, Susie, was murdered. I often wished my abusers would murder me, too. That came from my childlike emotions and insecurities of feeling alone and without love.<\/span><\/p>\n
Karma. That is a mystery. I believe there is a reason for everything and what goes around comes around. I believe my abusers have met their fate before and after their deaths. Sadly the pain caused from being abused leaves near permanent scars that are hard to remove. I try my best to move away from past pain and memories, but sadly, time and again, something will trigger old dark thoughts. There’s no room for past pain to control my present life; my pain belongs in the past. And there it shall stay.<\/span><\/p>\n
Dying is a part of life. When feeling stressed, troubled, or down, my thoughts immediately drift to the need to die sooner rather than later. But that is unrealistic thinking. I have much more to live for than to die for. As an adult there are other ways to think through pain and trauma. \u00a0It’s a constant struggle to quickly change triggered dark thoughts, but I continue to try my best every day. \u00a0I’m not sure about afterlife or coming back, but if there is a chance for me to do so, I will most certainly return. <\/span><\/p>\n
Thank you for sharing your wishes for a movie of my story. I believe some day a movie may be possible after my sequel is written. There is much more to my story than what is written in Switching Time<\/em>.<\/span><\/p>\n
Karen<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Comment by Shoshanni in Ireland on 27 Apr 2010 at 4:28 pm Hi Karen, I was watching a movie called The Lovely Bones and was wondering if you ever fantasized about dying and living among the dead to take out your abusers karma influence? I can\u2019t understand being abused like you were but I know […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[3],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2241","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-karens-answers"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.switchingtime.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2241","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.switchingtime.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.switchingtime.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.switchingtime.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.switchingtime.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2241"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.switchingtime.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2241\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2242,"href":"https:\/\/www.switchingtime.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2241\/revisions\/2242"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.switchingtime.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2241"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.switchingtime.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2241"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.switchingtime.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2241"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}