{"id":991,"date":"2009-05-28T21:16:43","date_gmt":"2009-05-29T02:16:43","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.switchingtime.com\/?p=991"},"modified":"2009-05-28T22:30:22","modified_gmt":"2009-05-29T03:30:22","slug":"karen-answers-dk-2","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.switchingtime.com\/?p=991","title":{"rendered":"Karen answers DK"},"content":{"rendered":"

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Comment by DK on 21 May 2009 at 8:36 am<\/span><\/p>\n

As always your responses to the questions received enlighten and help me to better understand my own experience. I\u2019m hoping you can offer some insight into the feeling of not being \u201cgood enough.\u201d I have a part that struggles with feeling there is no way that anything we-all do will be good enough, meet some kind of standard that has always been impossible to attain. I was born a girl, the second girl, when my \u201cmother\u201d (she really doesn\u2019t qualify to be called mother) really wanted a boy. I was told often and regularly that I should have been a boy. In her dying letter my \u201cmother\u201d brings it up again.<\/span><\/p>\n

I guess what I need to know, knowing that you also struggled with an issue that made you less than acceptable in the eyes of your family (tumor), if there was any particular way of \u201cre-framing\u201d that ingrained belief so you could get past being stuck on \u201cnot ever being good enough\u201d to be worthy of even living?<\/span><\/p>\n

I\u2019ve been working with a psychologist and it seems there\u2019s nothing she or we say or do that seems to even prick a hole in this locked in self defeating belief.<\/span><\/p>\n

As always, I appreciate your input and look forward to any grains of insight you might have to offer.<\/span><\/p>\n

DK.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Dear DK,<\/span><\/p>\n

Thank you for your compliments. \u00a0I truly appreciate your kind thoughts. \u00a0I also can empathize with not feeling “good enough”. \u00a0I’ve been there, too! \u00a0That was a hard issue for me to overcome, and sometimes that old feeling temporarily resurfaces when I am stressed or not feeling my best. \u00a0The difference between then and now is that I know that the dark thoughts that lead me into despair will eventually subside if I allow myself time to breathe.<\/span><\/p>\n

What’s most important to me during my dark moments is to try my best to re-think what may have led me to feeling badly. \u00a0Dr. Baer has done this with me innumerable times, and I’ve discovered that most of these times are the result of some old “inner pain” being triggered by someone or something that was out of my control. \u00a0For example, when someone tries to undermine me, humiliate, or take advantage of me, my thoughts tend to go to\u00a0I’m not good enough and I deserve it, and\u00a0I allow myself to be treated in such a manner.<\/span><\/p>\n

Sometimes I take the blame for\u00a0someone else’s\u00a0misbehavior\u00a0because I believe I am at fault, when I am not. \u00a0Of course, when that happens, I am left feeling “not good enough.” \u00a0I apologize when I am not to blame. \u00a0It’s an ingrained thought that takes a lifetime to overcome. \u00a0Blaming myself for the\u00a0hurt someone else causes leads me to not feel “good enough.” \u00a0As time has passed, I’ve become stronger and the dark feelings are shorter in duration. Yet, I still have a bad day now and then in which I don’t feel good enough.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

I believe in time you will start feeling better about yourself and not hold on to the dark thoughts\u00a0that come from being abused.<\/span><\/p>\n

I wish you all the best as you continue your journey.<\/span><\/p>\n

Karen<\/span><\/p>\n

<\/p><\/blockquote>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Comment by DK on 21 May 2009 at 8:36 am As always your responses to the questions received enlighten and help me to better understand my own experience. I\u2019m hoping you can offer some insight into the feeling of not being \u201cgood enough.\u201d I have a part that struggles with feeling there is no way […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[3],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-991","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-karens-answers"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.switchingtime.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/991","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.switchingtime.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.switchingtime.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.switchingtime.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.switchingtime.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=991"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/www.switchingtime.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/991\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":999,"href":"https:\/\/www.switchingtime.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/991\/revisions\/999"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.switchingtime.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=991"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.switchingtime.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=991"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.switchingtime.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=991"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}