Comment by BJ on 29 Mar 2010 at 12:43 pm

OMG Kar! How do you stay calm and answer so many questions? There sure are a lot of grieving and hurting people writing to you almost daily. Are you okay with this? Does Dr. Baer help you de-stress like they do when soldiers comes back from war? Do you suffer PTSD? You do know what you do is traumatic on your spirit. It’s like going back to war all the time. If you consistently step backwards to help others you will wind up near death. Take care of your soul Kar. Love you and care for you. I want to see you and Dr. Baer happy not stressed.

BJ

Dear BJ,

Yes, there are quite a few hurting people and lots of questions coming in. I don’t mind and answer them one at a time and take a break when I become too stressed. Although I talk to Dr. Baer, he is no longer my therapist. Therefore, I don’t always turn to him when I am in distress.

There are times I feel as if I may be suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder. Why? My occasional dark thoughts and feelings can be triggered by something, although they pass just as quickly as they arrive.  What I do know for sure is that I need to be able to calm myself when all becomes too much. Dr. Baer helps in other ways. He is my mentor, confidant, and trusted friend. He simply no longer counsels me.

I admit, it’s sometimes a challenge to maintain integrity, dignity, and a sense of calm. When I slip back into my past experience to answer a question, I don’t stay there. I remove myself, take a deep breath, and move forward with my present. My answering questions in this consistent fashion won’t cause my death. My spirit is that of a survivor. I’ve been through horror and back. It’s my hope to continue to do what I do best, to help encourage hope through sharing my story. If there comes a time where it all becomes too overwhelming and I feel out of control, I know Dr. Baer would help me. After all, he knows me best.

Thank you for your care and concern. I am taking care of my soul.

Karen

Comment by Amy on 26 Mar 2010 at 7:13 pm

Karen,

I’m 13 and I’m almost finished reading “Switching Time”. I just have two questions:

1) Do people ask you about your childhood alot?

2) If they do, does it bother you to talk about it?

You are probably one of the most strongest people I have ever heard of, I wouldn’t be able to go through at all what you have been through.

I have alot of respect for you.

Amy 🙂

Dear Amy,

Thank you for your compliments, believing in my strength, and respecting me. Your kindness means more than words can say.  

I have received many questions about my childhood and answer each one the best I can. I don’t mind answering any questions. I believe in sharing to help others understand multiplicity. While sharing my past, I try to remove myself from the pain I once felt. I can talk about most anything, because as an adult I no longer harbor the fears that once paralyzed me. My abusers can’t hurt me anymore. If I held onto my past fears, my abusers would have won. I choose to share with hope and optimism. 

Please know that you can ask me any further questions here. 

Wishing you all my best. 

Karen

Comment by Leslie B on 26 Mar 2010 at 9:42 am

Karen! What a remarkable story. Thank you and your therapist Richard Baer for allowing your journey to be told. I watched the show USoT and found some of your comments from last year. I am grateful you help people. Keep on helping us. I don’t know if you know it but you and Richard have a gem in Switching Time. I too hope to see another book from you guys. I know the first episode aired the other day. I see comments but none from you? Did you watch it?If not is it because you no longer like the show? Your input is valuable. Love to hear your thoughts. One other thing why can’t people stop trying to destroy your story with crazy questions leaning towards your story not being a good thing? Don’t listen Karen. You are phenomenal. Dr. Baer is, too! Like you wrote ‘We made a great team’ Don’t forget the truth. Don’t let people control those good thoughts with their jealousy. I see you haven’t gotten around to answer some questions as of today. I can see why? Love your spirit. Ever think of filming a documentary?

Leslie B.
Cleveland, Ohio

Dear Leslie,

You have no idea how much I appreciate your comment. I appreciate you sharing all that you have, especially your concerns about those who ask questions that are off-putting, accusatory, or rude. I answer each person’s question to the best of my ability, but I admit at times it can be wearing when negative undertones are present. I’m not sure why some people feel the need to attack me and Dr. Baer. I assume it’s hard for some people to believe in our story and wish us well. Maybe it’s jealousy. Some people feed on the unhappiness of others and seek it out.

I try my best to deal with rude questions with optimism. I believe most people are hurting and may not realize their questions are transferring their pain onto me. I am attuned to them. In my opinion there are no right or wrong questions, there are simply questions. I believe if someone has something on their mind and needs an answer, my response will bring them a sense of calm.

I haven’t watched the first episode of United States of Tara, but I will and most certainly will join the message board. I enjoyed doing so last season and looking forward to contributing this season as well. I’m glad to hear that my comments have helped. That’s what I’m hoping for.

Thank you for believing my journey is worth hearing about. Maybe some day we will film a documentary. Time will tell.

Karen

Comment by Laine on 25 Mar 2010 at 9:58 am

Hi Karen,

I am curious about your views on sex after being a victim of sexual abuse? Also how does a woman like yourself deal with viewing sex in movies and films? And as a now integrated multiple? Do you deal with background hang-ups? I know my question is a bit personal but needed for education purposes. I don’t expect any deep uncomfortable secrets, just basic info. I respect your ability to share and help people. I admire and respect both you and Dr. Baer. Thank you.

Laine, Paris

Dear Laine,

My views on sex? I try to not think about my past abuse. I have been married and have two grown children. I believe that keeping my mind in the present makes me less affected by what happened to me over thirty five years ago. The only hard time I have with movies is when viewing aggressive acts, such as beatings, hurtful words, and degradation. I am a woman with normal feelings and urges. I am no longer in an abusive relationship.

Thank you for admiring and respecting my healing and work with Dr. Baer. That’s very important to me.

Karen

Comment by Connie on 23 Mar 2010 at 5:37 pm

Dear Karen,

Read your letter to the president, wow I didn’t know you had medical struggles at a high risk level. Didn’t you make millions on your book? You should have. Your talents and contribution should be paid for. Stay well. The world is waiting to hear more from you.

Connie

Dear Connie,

Thank you for your compliments! Yes, there were insurance struggles for most of my life. I hated fighting with insurance companies over my care. I was always ill and insurance never fully covered my medical expenses. And once off disability, I found it impossible to afford good insurance because I was considered high risk. After over thirty surgeries, I can only assume the insurance companies expected more of the same.

My working for a small not-for-profit organization with no insurance benefits has caused even more problems for me. At this time I am uninsured and searching for insurance.

And no, neither Dr. Baer nor I made millions on our book. The book world is much different than most people think. We received an advance, but realistically it takes years and years to pay back the advance before proceeds are paid again. Switching Time is doing well at a slow and steady pace. It is our hope to continue at that pace for many years to come.

I am looking forward to sharing more as times goes on. I believe sharing my story gives me purpose to stay healthy and move forward.

Karen

Comment by Paul on 23 Mar 2010 at 3:44 pm

Dear Karen,

I am a college student and read your book yesterday. I didn’t want to but glad I did. I have no words to express how endearing you are to me. I never met you but love you. In your answers on your blog I feel like I’ve known you all my life. That’s rare for me. I don’t really like many people? Thank you for allowing your story to be known. I never heard of your illness and boy did I receive an ultimate lesson on the human spirit and recovery. What a wake up call! I may have actually found compassion lurking in my cold heart? Thank Dr. Baer for his help. Thank you Karen.

Paul, 
Hawaii

Dear Paul,

Thank you so much for your sharing your kindness. I feel blessed. I am glad reading Switching Time has helped you understand more about healing.

I will share your letter with Dr. Baer. I’m sure he will be impressed that his book brought you knowledge.

Karen

Comment by Sonya 23 Mar 2010 at 3:19 pm

Karen,

Just reading the question not yet answered. Lorraine is right. Please write your own version. Dr. Baer did not really touch on YOUR suffering but more of his own. I am glad to be in England where the title read A Life in Pieces “A WOMAN’S harrowing story…” It’s not Richard Baer’s harrowing story it’s yours. Why not visit England? You are welcome in our country! I am fitfully inspired by your blog. A BOOK in itself. If any agent can’t see that they are BLIND; BLIND as bats! If I were an agent I would be hunting you down. Please find your way to us.

Sonya, 
UK

Dear Sonya,

Thank you for sharing!  I understand your feelings about the text on the cover of my story.  I’m glad the version in Great Britain switched to a “woman’s harrowing story”, but please know that those decisions about what goes on the cover are made by the publisher, not me or Dr. Baer. Whichever way you look at or read our story, it’s bound to stir up frustration in some people, mistrust in others, skepticism in those who can’t comprehend, and love in those who can empathize with what happened to me. My story is difficult to read for many.

Thank you for being inspired by my blog. I appreciate hearing that. And thank you for your comments and opinions. Maybe someday I can afford to travel to the UK.

Karen

Comment by Lorraine on 23 Mar 2010 at 10:00 am

Dear Karen,

I read Dr Baer’s book (”A Life in Pieces” in Australia).

I’m afraid that my initial reaction was irritation about his response to a person he assumed was ONLY? suffering from depression, and thereafter the effect your lack of money and urgent needs made on HIS life.

The result of this is that it made your story read like fiction.

I know people who suffer from long term depression, and people (some the same ones) who suffered sexual abuse when young (although not to the same extent as yours).

I don’t think the book does justice to your suffering. Have you considered doing one of your own?

Dear Lorraine,

There are many misconceptions regarding Dr. Baer’s apparent lack of empathy early on. Dr. Baer cared for me unconditionally for over eighteen years during the dark period of my life when no one else would have. I was suicidal, had no strength, lacked faith, and needed Dr, Baer to help me. Remember, Dr. Baer is a psychiatrist and did what all psychiatrists should do, listen intently without judgment or emotion.

I admit Dr. Baer’s initial lack of interest upset me. But I ignored it, mostly because I wanted to die anyway and no one, including Dr. Baer, could have changed that. For years, he was a blur before my eyes, with a kind, soothing, and compassionate voice. He was someone who listened without saying much and I became comfortable in his presence. As we built a relationship, I started to take notice of who he was; I acknowledged, respected, and trusted him to accompany me on my journey. I believe Dr. Baer was God sent and that my healing under his care was meant to be. We worked hard together to heal me.

I can see how reading my story appears fictional at times, but sadly it’s true, all of it. Dr. Baer and I agreed to share the truth of our journey to provide understanding of my illness: multiplicity. I wish I could say it’s fiction, but I can’t.

To clear things up regarding the payment issue, for most of my treatment, Dr. Baer was paid by my husband’s medical insurance. What became past due were the amounts not paid by our insurance benefits. Every bonus my husband received went to Dr. Baer to catch up with what I owed.  After my divorce, I no longer could keep up and Dr. Baer stopped charging me the balance not paid by insurance, and then stopped charging me altogether. Dr. Baer was paid, just not in full. Insurance companies never pay 100% for psychiatric treatment. Later, once I was on disability for my condition, Dr. Baer took what Medicare paid.

For me, surviving multiplicity also included trying to comprehend money, how to live, and pay my overwhelming medical bills. I am grateful Dr. Baer forgave some of the money he was due for treating me.  For him, I think continuing what we’d started was more important than the money.

Switching Time (or A Life in Pieces, the version printed in Great Britain) was written from Dr. Baer’s point of view. My personal experience and journey was more spiritual and heartfelt. I have considered writing my own version and I have many pages already written. My journey includes Dr. Baer, but Switching Time could not possibly have been written in the way my heart would have wanted to share it.   Dr. Baer saw my alters in a way that I never could, but I knew them from within, and it’s my knowledge of them that still needs to be shared.

Thank you for believing a sequel is possible. Thank you for caring.

Karen

Comment by Trent on 23 Mar 2010 at 2:30 am

Hi Karen,

Greetings from Australia. I just finished reading dr baers book regarding your treatmeant and i must say it has been one of the most amazing reads of my life. I myself have been lucky and fortunate to have never been abused and actually im also in the enviable position of not personally knowing anyone who has either, but even so i must applaud you on your strength and fortitude to go through what you did and come out the other side as well as you have.

I was actually given the book to read by my wife who is a psych nurse and at first i have to admit i was hesitant due to her suggesting to me terrible books in the past, but i was bookless for my morning train ride to work so i thought id give it a chance and im soo glad i did!

I have a few questions that i hope you could find the time to answer for me, and forgive me if youve answered them before in your blog, but as im sure you know its quite large

Firstly Im curious about the gifts/posessions that your alters gave to Dr Baer. They were obviously very important to your various parts but since youve been integrated for some time now, if you see these items, do you still feel any affinity towards them?

Secondly and lastly, at the end of the book Dr baer wrote how he has received over 5000 pages of writings from you, and that was back in 1998, Now that its nearly 12 years later and you have still been filling notebooks and entrusting them to the good Dr, does he have any plans on putting together another book/website of it all? Id love to be able to read some more, and besides surely he must be running out of room haha

i again thank you for your time karen and also thank you for allowing Dr Baer to document this amazing process. I hope everything in your future is what you hope

trent

Dear Trent,

I’m glad you took a chance and read my story, and I’m glad your wife thought my story was interesting, too!

I don’t mind your questions. I’m not sure if I’ve answered them all before, but that never matters to me. I answer each question as it comes and never search back through my previous answers. It’s easier this way.

My alters did give Dr. Baer many gifts through the years. I don’t believe we ever missed a Christmas or birthday, including many in between special occasion gifts. My alters wanted Dr. Baer to feel appreciated in the best way they could. I’m sure Dr. Baer knew that if he did not accept these gifts it would’ve devastated our entire system and well-being.

I recently had the opportunity to take my alters’ gifts, drawings, and journals back from Dr. Baer. But I couldn’t. I became overwhelmed with emotion just viewing the open box. Seeing my alters’ possessions had an affect on me. Once I saw one of the six file boxes that contained my things, I froze. I felt it would be too overwhelming for me to sift through those items at this time. All that my alters and I have shared with Dr. Baer is being cared for by him. Dr. Baer has promised that if something were to happen to him, all will be returned to me. You are right, Dr. Baer is running out of room and has limited space to store more. Actually, I now send him emails: thousands of them since the publication of our book.

Dr. Baer keeps all my writings up to the end of our therapeutic relationship. I myself have a few thousand pages waiting to be shared for a sequel to our story. We surely do have more than enough information! I’m not sure whether Dr. Baer is willing to help put together another book, but I am more than ready to share my journey after integration. I would love for us to write a sequel together.

There is so much more to tell about my becoming one woman, dealing with heartbreak, relationships, dreams, and more.

Thank you for all your kind thoughts, compliments, and well wishes for a future filled with hope. I truly appreciate them.

Karen

Comment by Willow on 21 Mar 2010 at 9:36 pm

Hi Karen,

I read you answer about hypnosis. what an interesting way to word it. Thank you. I understand. I always thought hypnosis was cruel and you were talked into it by Dr. Baer. I wish you the best. I am hopeful for people who have walked your walk. If you continue to share many will become stronger off your strength. I did. Please never end your life. Please write another book with Dr. Baer. Love that you remain true to yourself. Love that you care.

Willow

Dear Willow,

I am glad to hear my previous answer about hypnosis was helpful. I hoped my answer would provide knowledge. Before hypnosis therapy I would have said it was something made up, false, and brought on by drugs.  But no, it was nothing like that at all. I believe my multiplicity was some form of hypnosis in itself. I never thought hypnosis to be cruel, but I did once believe it was a way one person could manipulate another. I was cautious before and during hypnotherapy. Dr. Baer took every precaution to make sure my alters and I were safe and comfortable. It would have been impossible for Dr. Baer to hypnotize me if I felt threatened.  

It’s amazing to learn how one’s brain works. I continue to learn something new about myself each day. The alters I created to help me survive were incredible. I was blessed.

It is my hope to share more of my story some day in a sequel to Switching Time.  I pray never to be visited by my past thoughts of suicide, but although they may visit now and then, they don’t stay long. I will always try my best to continue living my life the best I can. Thank you for encouraging me to move forward.

Karen