Comment by Pheobe on February 25, 2009 4:43 am

Dear Karen,

If someone would hurt you now would your old alters come back or would you create new ones? I have a brother who integrated five of five personalities and swear one returned. He was hit by a car and has been recovering from a back injury. A alter he had was mean. Do you think he came back? Whatʼs your suggestion? I have never read a more optimistic book than Switching Time. Tell Richard Baer thank you for making you well so that you can help others like me. I am worried about my brother. He lives with me and frightens me.

Pheobe

Dear Pheobe,

There were more than a few times when I’ve felt hurt since the integration of my alters, but not once did any of my ex-alters return.  I don’t believe that it’s possible to create new alters at this time in my life.  I’m an adult now and deal with the reality that life brings in an adult way.  Multiplicity was an illness formed and created during my early traumatic childhood.

I admit there have been a few times I wished I had another alter to spare me from some painful moment, but I take a few deep breaths until the stressful period passes.  I try my best to stay on the side of reality, and the reality is, life with alters is not fun.

I’m not a professional therapist and can’t give advice, but I believe your brother may be in severe pain, especially after recovering from back surgery.  The car accident may have triggered some ill feelings.  The pain may be the cause for your brother appearing to be mean again.  Remember, alters that have integrated are still a part of your brother.  When an alter integrates there is a merging that takes place.  I believe what frightens you is that you may recognize the behaviors of one of your brothers former alters while witnessing his pain.  I believe what you are seeing is just another side of your brother who happens to be miserable and in pain.

Thank you for your kind and thoughtful compliments.  I can understand why you are worried about your brother.  Please seek help if you feel threatened.  It’s important for you to feel safe.  Maybe a call to your brother’s former therapist may help.  I wish you all the best.

Karen

Comment by Keith on February 22, 2009 2:50 am

Karen,

If a alter inside you committed suicide in your mind how would you live? Itʼs a crazy question but I have alters that threatened to kill themselves inside, not on the outside. So if thereʼs a death internally what will happen? I think you are the first person who understands how people with multiple personalities work. I know you can answer this easily. Thank you very, very much. I like and admire you.

Keith

Dear Keith,

If an alter of mine committed suicide, as they often threatened, I would be dead.  I’m not sure your alter really understands the difference between “internal” vs “real” suicide.

Once, one of my alters, Miles, felt that if he ended his life, I would be spared the pain he experienced during my being abused.  He was trying to protect me.  There is no easy answer here, suicide is not to be taken lightly.

Please seek professional help as soon as possible. If any “part” or “alter” of yours is suicidal and commits suicide, you may cease to exist.  A multiple shouldn’t kill off alters within their mind; a multiple must integrate each alter to heal.  A merging of all alters is necessary for survival.  Each alter is a fragment or part of the whole you. Think of yourself as a puzzle, if any one piece was missing, the puzzle wouldn’t be complete. Therefore, you must not eliminate any alters, just merge them within yourself.

Please take care of yourself and your alters. Wishing you a safe journey to healing.

Karen

Comment by Marvin on February 22, 2009 2:46 am

Hi Karen,

What do the pictures of the upside down hand tree and the stars falling from the sky to Jesus mean to you? Do you remember what Jensen was thinking when he drew them? What about the picture of the devil in biker clothes?

Marvin

Dear Marvin,

Interesting questions.  I suppose there may have been more than one interpretation for the pictures he drew, whether his own or through me.  I believe my thoughts about this now come from what Jensen thought then.

The picture of the upside down tree, I believe, meant that God was holding me firmly in place here on earth, that it wasn’t my time to die, that I needed to stay grounded. The tree branches meant God’s arms, and the branches, His veins of life giving energy to me.

The picture of the stars falling from the sky, I believe, meant Jesus called on God to send angels, in the form of alters, to me.  Each star had an alter’s name, and came into me and helped me survive.  Jesus is calmly sitting on a rock, holding me, accepting the gifts God sent, each a coping mechanism of alter help for me.

The picture drawn of the devil in biker clothes, I believe, tells an entire story.  He is dressed in biker clothes because he is full of himself as my abusive father was.  Maybe he is my father.  I believe the devil’s choice of dress represents his cockiness. If you notice the devil is upfront in the picture while I, the child, is being drawn to heaven even while being shackled to the stake on the ground.  If you notice, there is plenty of rope to get to where I want to be.  The devil is so preoccupied with himself, smiling and facing a camera, that he isn’t even paying attention that God has come for me despite his attempt to keep me.

Thank you, Marvin, for these challenging questions.

Karen

Comment by Anonymous on February 18, 2009 6:21 pm

Karen do you think dreams sometimes have hidden messages?  I am not a dream expert but I notice on occasion I will have dreams that have a strong message for me or somone close to me.  I also wanted to know did your dreams change after your alters were integrated?  Thank you.

Dear Anonymous,

I’m not sure if dreams have hidden messages.  That is a good question.  I’ve had some very intense dreams, some of which even came true, but I never really understood why I dreamt in such a way. During the years when my therapy was intense, my dreams would startle me awake in the middle of the night.  Memories shared during the day would somehow enter my dreams, mix with the alters’ thoughts, and turn into distress.

I was lucky to be able to write my dreams down quickly upon waking and share these dreams with Dr. Baer, who in turn helped me understand where my dream may have come from. He would always give some logical explanation that gave me a sense of calm.  I didn’t remember every dream, just the intense dreams, or some that disturbed or puzzled me.  It’s a good idea to keep a pad of paper and pencil beside your bed. If a dream isn’t written down immediately upon waking, it loses it’s strength and fades away.  I needed to write my dreams before I lost them.

Did my dreams change after integration?  Yes and No.  Sometimes I still have a bad dream, but most of the time my dreams comfort me.  I feel a sense of calm in knowing that I am one woman who won’t take being abused anymore, a woman who has survived something incomprehensible, a woman who longs to live in the present, not in the past, and continues to search for peace.

Thank you for your questions, sleep well, and allow your dreams to be. Accept your dreams for what they are, a cumulation of your day, your life, thoughts and ideas. 

Karen

Comment by Marc & Denise on February 17, 2009 11:59 pm

Hi Karen,

Drugs? Alcohol? Addictions of any sort? Are people like you likely to have addiction problems? The way I figure it it would be to difficult for a multiple (I like that your call your self this one choice word) to engage is such behavior. Whatʼs your opinion on the above?

Thank you for being honest about your selves, past and present.

Marc & Denise

Toledo, Ohio

Dear Marc & Denise,

No, I don’t believe people who suffer from multiplicity are more likely to have addiction problems.  Multiplicity is a dissociative illness, not an addiction illness.

I couldn’t take drugs, including medication, without an ill effect.  As for alcohol, no way!  A small amount of alcohol would disable my entire system of survival.  I admit to trying a drink now and then, but with disastrous results. It was extremely difficult for me to engage in such behavior because multiplicity and drugs don’t mix well.

As far as suffering from any other addiction, I’m not sure.  Of course, there were four alters that ate simultaneously, and for a while I was overweight.  After integration my eating habits became normal again.

Thank you for your compliments on my being honest about my past and present. I have no reason to hide from what I’ve been through. That’s why I continue to share.  It’s my hope to tell the truth about multiplicity.

Karen

Comment by Max on February 17, 2009 6:14 am

Wow! I didn’t expect you’d respond to my question, having so many of them every day. Thanks so much!  I just think it’s amazing what art can do for a person; as an artist and composer of music myself, it’s my primary way of getting out any emotions that are too strong for my system to handle (and most of the emotions end up becoming that way! :O). Maybe Jensen saw those pictures and was just immediately able to identify with them in some way.  It helps a lot to relate someone else’s work to your own life, and I know kids get inspired by others’ works all the time. I was inspired a TON by 90s Nickelodeon cartoons when I was really young.  It really helps you feel like you’re not alone in this world… to look at another person’s creation and think “That’s just like me.” or “That’s just like how I felt when that happened.”

Multiplicity is really interesting to me in that respect.. since your mind had to come up with so many different, distinctive personalities, it makes me think just how much more the human mind is capable of doing to save us from pain… and how much more it’s able to do in general. Certainly out of this came a wonderful artistic ability that helped you out as a whole… it just proves to me more how important art and creative expression are for survival, whether it’s yours to make or yours to enjoy from the outside.

Thanks so much for answering.  I wish you all the best.

Max

Dear Max,

Welcome Back!  I try my best to answer each question.  I believe it’s important to do whatever I can to help everyone understand the reality of multiple personality disorder, at least through one multiple’s eyes, mine.

I agree, it is amazing what art can do for a person.  And I remember watching Nickolodeon, too!  I’ve always been creative, whether through myself or my alters. As a child I always drew pictures, painted, and enjoyed art in many different forms.  Some of my fondest memories came from visiting the Art Institute, the Field Museum and Museum of Science and Industry, all in Chicago. Many high schools days were spent taking a bus to Old Town in Chicago, sitting in front of buildings and drawing the architecture. I always wondered why I’d draw something instead of take a picture.  I sometimes created works of art which I sold for extra money.  Sometimes I wonder who still owns my art.

My ex-alter, Jensen, was my most creative. I often admired the art he created, whether he chose to copy, or draw fresh from his own vision.  I believe Jensen may have read through some of my children’s books back then and was inspired by some art he saw. Art can lessen stress, and believe me, there was stress. I believe Jensen may have re-created some art and attached his own emotionals to them. I’ll never know for sure; it’s always been a mystery to me. I believe all multiple’s are creative. It really takes a creative mind to survive a multiple’s world.

I believe expressing feelings and thoughts through art is one of the most important ways to survive and heal from past hurts. There’s a kind of freedom in art, a window to the soul.

Thank you so much for your kind words. Wishing you all my best!

Karen

Comment by Adam on February 17, 2009 12:53 am

WTF is this guy talking about? Peanut butter analogy? Is he trying to impress you both with sarcasm? Nevermind.

I admire every attempt you made to share the reality of life from a multipleʼs perspective. I know someone who is diagnosed with D.I.D. and she is more like you. I read Switching Time to learn more of how to be a friend to her, not in a sexual way, for I am gay. I love her as a sister and want to be there for her. She is really nice and a great friend. May I ask how does someone like me befriend a multiple without becoming stressed with the overwhelming trauma that can come from the illness. She doesnʼt show anger but we donʼt know each other very well yet. I want to be prepared. What are some warning signs to watch out for? What should I do? Ignore her and not be her friend or chance a great friendship?

Love,

Adam

Dear Adam,

I am really glad you chose to ask me these questions.  There is so much misunderstanding in befriending someone who is a multiple.  People judge, and this saddens me.  I’ve experienced great sorrow with a few friendships that have failed due to misconstrued expectations. There will always be a few people who can’t accept the truth about multiplicity and read into every little thing incorrectly.

Multiples make great friends if treated with respect.  In my relationships, when I’d feel respected, I’d stay calm and no alters would surface. There would be no need for a “switch.”  What is a must to understand is that a multiple won’t need to “switch” unless threatened or provoked.  If you choose to become a true friend, pay attention to the relationship without smothering her.  Multiples need space and are often taken wrong.

In my experience, it’s best not to ask a million questions about a multiple’s past unless they themself open this discussion.  At the same time, don’t ever ignore them.  I believe most multiples have issues with time.  I have a hard time feeling connected unless I hear from everyone I know, a minute now and then will do.  The longer the time not speaking, the harder to maintain the relationship.  Never lie to a multiple; a multiple is attuned to everything you say and can tell and although they may never share that they know you lied, they’ll always know.  

I am not a therapist and my advice comes from my personal experience.  In my opinion, a multiple can’t bear any more pain than what she carries within herself already.  Do not intentionally hurt a multiple.  That is like stabbing her in the heart.  It’s very difficult for a multiple to make friends, but once they do, they can become friends for life.  Unless you plan on a lifetime freindship, don’t bother to start.  Remember, the multiple has suffered horrifically and can’t deal with being hurt again.

If you choose to be in your friend’s life, enjoy her.  Multiples really are nice people, and don’t forget to keep in touch with her! 

Thank you for your questions.

Karen

Comment by Kevin on February 16, 2009 4:19 am

Karen,

I say peanut butter. USOT is contaminated peanut butter, will need to close and reopen with safe measures in place. I bet you make better peanut butter that is not contaminated. So make peanut butter please.

Kevin

Dear Kevin,

Funny you compare contaminated peanut butter to USoT.  I assume you meant that our story is truer than USoT?  It’s true that Switching Time presents the treatment of a true multiple personality, and that USoT is just a TV show.  I’m not sure how I can help them make real peanut butter!  For the real thing, people will just have to go to Switching Time!

Thank you for your compliment on believing Dr. Baer and I could improve the show with our knowledge!

Karen

Comment by Barth on February 16, 2009 4:17 am

Hey, Karen!

Are you a therapist? Your answers make so much sense! You are such a great asset to the viewers of USoT.  I swear I learned more of the illness through you. I know, I know, you constantly state you are not a therapist and post only from your own personal experiences but hell! Thatʼs what us people need! A real true life healed multiple. Why arenʼt you writing for the show? Tell your agent to hook you up! If I had Steven’s number Iʼd call him.  What does Richard Baer think of this shit?

Barth

Dear Barth,

No, I’m not a therapist, but thank you for your compliment on my answers making sense.  I truly appreciate all of your compliments, especially regarding learning more about multiplicity through my answers.  I feel I must say in each answer that asks for advice that I am not a professional therapist.  This is because I don’t wish to mislead anyone into believing I am. I was fortunate to find a qualified psychiatrist, Dr. Baer, and believe his professional expertise was the reason I healed so well.  I surely wouldn’t be here answering all these questions if it weren’t for the great help I received.  It is important for me to share my experiences in hope I can help others through their own individual journey.

Writing for the show USoT?  That put a smile on my face!  It’s sweet of you to think I could add to the show’s story line, but the USoT isn’t about me or the book Switching Time. Dr. Baer and I would love to share our story in some way, maybe in a future movie or documentary.  The USoT is not an accurate depiction of what I have experienced. Toni Colette is simply an actress portraying a multiple mom, Tara.

I believe Dr. Baer agrees with me on the way the USoT portrays multiple personality disorder.  We have been amazed at how many viewers have come to our Web site after watching the show. Maybe, after viewing a show that may not appear very realistic, they are interested in finding out more about the truth of the illness.

Thank you again for caring.

Karen

Comment by Cynthia on February 15, 2009 7:41 pm

Hi Karen, I just happened to watch one episode of The United States of Tara last night and I wasn’t impressed with it at all. I like Toni Collete and think she is a great actress but, there is something about the show that rubs me really wrong (maybe I do not get all the dark humor). I hope in the future someone can produce a better show about multiple personality disorder because I think the writers did a poor job on this one.

I also just wanted to thank you also for keeping this message board up…I love reading all the questions and your answers are great.

Thanks for listening,

Cynthia

Dear Cynthia,

I can understand why you weren’t too impressed with USoT.  I have many mixed feelings myself.  I have come to accept that “The United States of Tara” is just a television show, for entertainment, and not a true depiction of multiplicity.

I have viewed the first six episodes and have made many comments on the IMDb message board, trying my best to wedge in the truth about multiplicity for those who are interested.  I noticed there are many people that are confused as to the truth of this illness.  I want to help them understand a little more. The show does sadden me at times when certain things make no sense and are falsely represented.  I try my best not to compare Tara to myself, because there is no comparison. Simply, I’m real and Tara is not. I will continue to watch the show out of curiosity, but I will not take it seriously.

Thank you for your questions.

Karen