Comment by Geoffrey on October 9, 2008 10:38 am
Hi Karen,

What a mind boggler of a book, complicated in a way that each sentence had to be read or you would lose the meaning. I learned a lesson when I tried to skim through the book and had to go back before deciding to start again and read every word. One giant puzzle. Written with talent from each of your alters, Richard Baer and you. A group effort needless to say.

My questions: What do you like to do now that you are one woman? Do you have the same interests that your alters once had? When you integrated your alters did you like the new version of you after each integration or after all alters were integrated? How did you explain your differences to the people who knew you? Did you lose friendships and rid some of them?

Geoffrey

Dear Geoffrey,

Thank you for going back and reading Switching Time word for word, in order to not miss anything meaningful that would change your thoughts on our story. I agree, it’s hard to skim through my story because it is a puzzle. I appreciate all of your compliments, especially on behalf of my alters and Dr. Baer, for they were the true stars here.

I do have some of the same interests my alters had. I just never seem to have enough time to take on each interest wholeheartedly. I dream of doing some of the same things. For instance, I recently went on an artist’s tour, visiting six artists in their homes or studios. It was fun and had me wanting to resurrect my past artistic ability.

Regarding liking myself after each alters’ integration. All of my alters were already a part of me, before, during and after integration. Of course, as each alter integrated, there was a period of getting use to them; adding on idea’s and thoughts that I was unaware of beforehand. It did take a toll on me. However, as one woman, completely integrated, I became the woman I was meant to be.

During the integrations I stayed pretty much to myself. I was exhausted most of the time and needed this time to heal. I tried my best to be social but there were times I couldn’t be. Most who knew me assumed my distance was due to the physical pain I endured from my lung surgery. I would only share when asked, and say I wasn’t feeling well, while taking special care not to hurt anyone’s feelings. My close friends understood and were there for me when I needed them. Interestingly, during this time I learned not only to be a better friend, but learned who my true friends were. Unfortunately, for or my own sense of well being, I had to end some friendships. I never hated anyone, but it was important to end some stressful relationships in order for me to move forward and heal.

Thank you for your questions,

Karen

Comment by Cynthia on October 6, 2008 5:08 pm

Hi Karen, I love coming to this site and reading all the questions and your wonderful answers you give each person. I was just wondering how your physical health is doing these days? I get migrain headaches about once a month but I can usually get rid of them with rest and relaxation. I also wanted to know since I feel your a sensitive like myself if you have to be careful with certain foods in your diet that can trigger headaches or make you feel sick. Blessings to you,

Cynthia

Dear Cynthia,

Thank you for your compliments! It’s always nice to hear that readers come back to our site to read all the questions asked and the answers I’ve given. I’m amazed myself that so many questions have come in.

Thank you for your concern about my physical health. I’m doing well. I no longer suffer from the headaches that were once a daily part of my life. My headaches were caused from the switching of alternate personalities. There are some foods that I’ve been sensitive to, but I’m not sure whether removing them helped eliminate headaches. I can’t advise you as to what will help you with your migraines. For me, personally, I try my best to stay away from caffeine, fried foods, artifical sweetners, bread and pasta, just because I feel better without them..

Hope you find a helpful remedy for your migraines,

Karen

Comment by Justin, MD on October 6, 2008 3:10 pm

Have you forgiven your father, grandfather, husband, those who have abused you, ignored you, and didn’t intervene to help you and your mother? Please elaborate? Would you say your abusers fit into the same mold of dysfunction? If you were to describe each of them with a diagnosable mental illness which illness would you label them under? I know you claim not to be a therapist. I am interested in your gut instinct years after being abused and now that you’ve grown to heal yourself. I am a resident on a psych. unit and am interested in learning more about how your mind resolved your pain and how you are able to move on?

Thank you,
Justin, MD

Dear Justin, MD,

Have I forgiven those who have abused, ignored, and not intervened to help me? Yes, to a degree, but I have not forgotten what they have done. I have faith they’ve received their own justice. Holding onto the pain my abusers once inflicted would mean they have continued to be emotionally destructive from their graves. I don’t want to give them that power. My abusers are gone now, and I need to let go of the hurt they caused in order to live, breathe, and feel a sense of accomplishment. I did survive.

As you know, I am not a therapist. However, if I had to guess, I would describe most of my abusers as narcissistic, sexually preoccupied sociopaths. My gut instinct? I would describe them as insecure, pathetic manipulators who stole an innocent child’s will to live, as some call them–soul murderers. I’m not sure whether my mind has ever fully recovered from my past child abuse. I believe to have resolved most major issues that have weighed me down and continue to work hard to resolve what remains. I try my best not to live in the past.

Thank you for your questions. I hope you can help someone like me as you pursue your profession.

Karen

Comment by Genevieve on October 6, 2008 3:12 am
Dear Karen,

I have read Switching Time, the prologue, the story and epilogue were powerful. I bought it today, finished it today. I would like to know what you are doing to be happy. I may not have the right to ask this but this book must be keeping you insecure and not well. When any patient reveals their true story in a book there must be sadness when the past interferes with today. I also would like to know how you manage to change your relationship without switching, with the doctor, do the book business, from doctor to a friend and back to him as doctor when answering these questions. This must be nerve wrecking for you, does he understand you? And you him? I am excited and am ready to start sharing Switching Time with my friends and family tonight.

Genevieve
Murfreesboro, TN

Dear Genevieve,

Of course revealing my story was a bit overwhelming at first. How could it not be? I’ve matured over time and have come to accept my past and all the horrors I once suffered. Yes, there is a sadness that comes over me at times; the difference is now I deal with it as soon as possible and know there’s no room in my present life for the pain that once was a part of my past. I’m able to look forward and share my story without distress. I’m grateful that I’m able to accomplish this with help from Dr. Baer. If it weren’t for his supporting my decision to share, and my allowing him to write this book, I may not have become as strong as I have.

The book, Switching Time, has not kept me insecure and unwell. The book itself was never a threat to me. However, life itself, and the challenges that life brings can cause me to feel a bit insecure and unwell at times. Those who have abused me are long gone and no longer a threat to me. I’m happy to share my journey in hope to help others with their own. I continue to live my life in the best way I can, but I know there’s always room for improvement.

Regarding my changing relationship with Dr. Baer, this has not been a problem for me, although, it may have been more awkward for him. I’ve always been attuned to everyone and can easily shift gears. This is my special gift. There are times when misunderstandings can cause me grief and it’s at these times it’s most important for me to talk them through. I usually come to an understanding of what’s set me off and recognize it was triggered from some past experience. Once I understand, I’m okay. I believe Dr. Baer and I understand each other most of the time.

Thank you for all your compliments and for sharing Switching Time with your family and friends.

Karen

Comment by Oren Edmund on October 6, 2008 12:24 pm
Four questions:
Who are you and why aren’t you talking about what you accomplished?

What do you do and do people know who you are with you being anonymous?

Don’t you want and need attention?

How will people know you accomplished what you set out to accomplish?

Oren Edmund

Dear Oren Edmund,

I am not sure what you mean by your question regarding my talking about what I’ve accomplished. If you mean why am I not talking about my survival, please read my answers here. Have you read Switching Time? The answers to all your questions are written within the pages of my story.

I chose to remain anonymous out of consideration for my children and those close to me. I don’t need attention or to be in the limelight; my story speaks for itself. I’ve accomplished a great deal in simply surviving my horrific childhood. However, I would like to share my journey with more people in order to help bring awareness to my illness, MPD, and the life-long effects caused from being repeatedly abused as a child.

I can share what happened to me through this blog, how I dealt with my past, and how I managed to survive and help others. If one child is saved from someone who has read this book, then my voice was heard and my story, written by Dr. Baer, has accomplished its goal.

Karen

Comment by Sophie on October 4, 2008 2:06 pm
Dear Karen,

Our book club turned into an adventure that lasted over three hours, an hour and a half over the usual norm of these book club get togethers. We have come up with many questions but are happy to say most were already answered through your column. Most of the club women want to know more about your life when you weren’t in session. What did you do to live from one appointment to the next?

We had a great discussion. The ladies opinions of Switching Time? They loved the book, loved Richard and loved you even more. There were so many things to talk about. In the end, we all agreed this illness is true and you story truthfully written.

God bless you.
Sophie

Dear Sophie,

Thank you writing me back and sharing the discussions from your book club. I’m glad to hear that your group found Switching Time interesting enough to continue the conversation far after the usual time. I’m also happy to hear most of your questions were answered through this blog. I’m sure there may be many questions left to ask, and I will try to answer them all as they come in.

Regarding your question about what happened to me when I wasn’t in session. I spent most of my days taking care of my children and chauffeuring them from one sport or event to another. My children were involved in many activities and I volunteered for nearly everyone of them. I also worked hard taking care of the normal daily things, such as cleaning, shopping, working, and volunteering. I was busy, all the time. Distraction was good for me.

I tried my best not to allow my therapy to interfere with my daily life. Some days, and most of my nights, were difficult after a busy day of being a mom. After my children were asleep, I dealt with my sadness, anxiety, and stress. I had this amazing ability to put all that was churning inside of me aside until I was alone, but then the pain would become overwhelming and hard to bear. When there was a day I felt I couldn’t take care of myself in this way, I would write and vent it all in my journal. And if this didn’t work, and it wasn’t too late, I would call Baer for support. I tried my best not to call or ask for help, but during these difficult years, Dr. Baer never let me down.

Thank you and thank the ladies for their optimism, especially for coming to the conclusion that my story is not only true, but truthfully written. Dr. Baer and I truly appreciate your thoughts.

Karen

Comment by Wendy on October 3, 2008 2:41 pm

Hey Karen,

I just bought the paperback Switching Time of your life written by Richard Baer. I read it and decided to buy the hard cover just because I wanted it on the shelf. The cover designs on both were interesting and eye catching. Hard covers are always a better choice for keeps, paperbacks are for show and sharing. Both books look great! Thank you’s sent to the artists!

For Richard Baer, you did a great job explaining MPD! I agree with you, MPD is a more suitable diagnosis than DID. Why did the DSM change this? What was the purpose? DID is vague. MPD is pronounced. Are you planning on speaking at any conferences regarding this illness? Please add information here.

The story’s written work was WOW! The care between doctor and patient is evident.
Good wishes to you both.

Wendy

Dear Wendy,

Thank you for buying Switching Time, twice! Yes, I agree, the designs on both versions, the hard cover and the soft cover, are interesting and eye catching. I will send on this thank you to the artists who designed them.

Thank you also for your compliments on our story’s writing. Dr. Baer worked for several years on not only the accuracy of our story, but also on the telling of it. We also appreciate hearing your desire of a possible conference on the illness I survived, MPD. If we have information on this, we will post it here. Thank you for your request.

And, yes, Dr. Baer and I certainly care for each other. A journey like ours happens once in a lifetime.

Karen

Comment by C.F. MD on October 2, 2008 12:03 pm

Karen,

Iʼll be blunt. Well written and emotionally disturbing that these things can happen. I can believe. In the book it was written that you had thoughts of hurting yourself, even to the point one of your alters attempted it to rid you of your femininity. In sharing this with your psychiatrist what did you believe you would accomplish? Were you turned on by sharing? Do you believe Dr. Baer was? If I were in his position Iʼm not sure I couldʼve handle it without trying to empathize and feel your experiences. Stating this, a psychiatrist can remove himself emotionally after the session is over but during the time he listened how did you perceive him? Did you try to spare him the details because of his feelings or yours?

The both of you, and this book are miraculous and an asset to the medical field.

C.F. MD

Dear C.F. MD,

Thank you for your questions and believing that this illness does happen. Yes, an alter of mine had thoughts of hurting myself. Funny, the alters were always trying to protect me, and Miles thought if he cut away the female parts, I wouldn’t be abused anymore. Unfortunately, he didn’t understand the passage of time, and still wanted to cut me years after the abuse ended. As an eight year old, Miles had no understanding of normal adult sexual relationships and assumed all intimate relations were abusive.

During my initial sessions with Dr. Baer, I was very leery of sharing any details of my abuse. I didn’t wish to hurt anyone, especially Dr. Baer, the only one I came to trust. I never felt turned on, and usually felt inadequate and disgusting afterwards. Each time I shared, I wanted to die. I always felt concerned whether Dr. Baer was okay. I worried that one day he’d heard enough and just tell me to go away, and I’d lose all that I built in trusting him. I felt afraid, never turned on. All I wished for was to be respected. In sharing the details of my abuse, I worried Dr. Baer might lose respect for me. I felt unclean and not like a woman. In sharing the details with Dr. Baer, I hoped I would accomplish understanding. I hoped to be treated kindly, and not like the damaged woman I felt I was.

Dr. Baer turned on? No, I would’ve sensed it and never shared another word with him. He never was sexually attracted to me or to the horrific details I shared. I am sure of this because I was attuned to him. As a matter of fact, I always needed to be attuned to everyone around me in order to survive. What I shared was far from appealing. As I shared my horrific happenings, Dr. Baer sat there and listened without emotion. I don’t ever recall getting a reaction from him, other than his verbally communicating he understood all that I was saying. I believe if he would’ve reacted with much emotion, I would’ve felt the need to protect him and spare him my stories of abuse. I wanted Dr. Baer to feel safe, because I believed I was too much for anyone to handle.

Thank you for believing our book is an asset to the medical field. That’s very important to me.

Karen

Comment by Cheryl on October 1, 2008 11:07 am
Hi Karen,

Your mother couldn’t help you? Why? What kind of mother was she? Evil witch or pathetic manipulator? To trade you in, to say, and ignore you? How would she react if she read Switching Time?

This book was written excellently, very powerful and intelligently.

Cheryl C

Dear Cheryl,
I know it’s not easy for anyone to comprehend how a mother can’t help her own child. And I can’t explain why my mother didn’t help me. I tried to justify my mother’s actions, or inactions, and could only rationalize that my mother had also been a victim of my father’s and grandfather’s abuse. Although this is definitely no excuse to not help your own child. Afterall, I was abused, but never hurt or ignored my own children. How could she not help me? I don’t know. But I believe she ignored all the signs because she couldn’t deal with it. I believe my mother chose not to pay attention. This was selfish on her part and caused devastating consequences for me, and well as my siblings.

Was my mother an Evil Witch? Maybe. Pathetic manipulator? No. Narcissistic? Definitely. My mother has no emotions for anyone other than herself. Although my mother never ignored my physical needs, she definitely ignored all my emotional needs. She kept a clean house, we never missed a home cooked meal, and she was organized. However, she never paid attention to what was happening to her children at the hands of her husband, my father. We were abused right under her eyes. There were signs and she dismissed them all. As children, my brothers and I shared some of these experiences with her, and we were told to be quiet. I don’t believe my mother was capable of understanding the effects of the abuse I endured. And if she was concerned, she never showed it.

How would my mother react if she read Switching Time? My mother would deny all of it, or at least the parts where she looked guilty of neglect. But she would know it’s the truth. She would focus on her own abuse at the hands of my father and grandfather. Dr. Baer did not include too much about my mother in writing the book. My mother, herself, handed me the tape of her conversation with my father to give to Dr. Baer. I think she was trying to clear herself. She would probably be upset that we didn’t write more about what she suffered. It’s always been about her, no matter what happened to me…

Thank you for all your kind thoughts,

Karen

Comment by Jacob on September 30, 2008 9:42 pm
Hi Karen, it’s me again, Jacob!

I did it! I sold four of your paperbacks, loaned mine to one! The group loved what I told them and couldn’t wait to read it. In three days everyone finished it. I could read another part to this. I know, I know, this was intense enough! I won this week’s book selection of our most interesting finds, that’s why everyone chose your story. I even stumped them all today when we met again to talk the book over. I didn’t tell anyone about your answers and got a lot of “how do you know?” looks? Well, I couldn’t keep it to myself anymore and told them about this site.

Good thoughts,
Jacob

Dear Jacob,

That’s great news! Not only did you win last week’s most interesting book find, but you even stumped your friends and sold four books! Thank you so much! I truly appreciate your enthusiasm! It’s really nice to hear stories like this. I know my story is intense, but Dr. Baer and I really felt sharing it would help others to understand this illness.

Good thoughts to you and your friends!

Karen