Comment by Cris on August 3, 2008 9:01 pm

Karen,

How do you know Doctor Richard Baer didn’t force memories of abuse in your mind during hypnosis just so he could write a book?

Dear Cris,

I’ve heard of the “False Memory Syndrome”, but in my case, this did not happen to me. My memories are exactly as I recalled them. I would know if Dr. Baer tried to suggest any sort of memories, but he never did, and took pains never to suggest anything.

I’ve always had a remarkable memory. Each memory my alters shared with Dr. Baer during hypnosis was known to me before therapy. Most of these memories were fragmented amongst my alters, as if they were individual pieces of a puzzle. This was how dissociation worked to help me survive. As each alter’s memories were told to Dr. Baer, and the pieces put together, they formed one complete, accurate memory, vivid in detail. There is no way that Dr. Baer could’ve supplied the content and pictures associated with these memories.

Dr. Baer chose to write our story years after I told him about my abuse. We decided together that our story was fascinating and unique, and ought to be told. I shared my story because I believe my journey of healing will help others complete their own journey.

Karen

Comment by Laquonda on August 1, 2008 8:24 pm

Dear Karen

How do you think your children were effected by you and your husbands illnesses?

Dear Laquonda,

I believe my children were affected more by my ex-husband’s alcoholism than my multiplicity. My alters were created to help me survive, keep us safe, and help me live as normal as possible. I never shared with them what happened to me as a child, or how my husband treated me. I never brought my past into their lives. That’s not to say that living with me had no ill affects.

I believe I was a good Mom. After my daughter read my story she told me she was amazed at what a great mom I’d been, despite what I went through. I know my son would agree. My children were happy and never once missed any event or practice, never were late for school, and always had all that they needed to feel loved and cared for. They never asked why I was a certain way; I was normal to them.

During my marriage my husband would become angry and verbally and physically abusive towards me. My children witnessed these moments and were frightened. My ex-husband’s alcoholism was hard on all of us. This wasn’t an everyday event, but it happened enough.

Once my children asked me why I saw Dr. Baer. I told them he was a heart doctor who was helping me stay happy and well. My alters vented in the safety of Dr. Baer’s office and not in front of my children at home. My alters protected my children, and never would let harm come to them.

Karen

Comment by Jennette on August 1, 2008 3:18 pm

Karen.

What a read! I couldn’t put this book down. I stayed up all night reading it through, it took me thirteen hours. I’ve never read a book like that before? I have hundreds of questions but will only ask three. Do you still have the same fears some of your alters had now that they are integrated, do you still fear clowns? second question, Can you feel and experience pain? third question, What does blind faith mean to you? I pray you are well these days. Lots of luck to you.

Jennette

Dear Jennette,

Thank you for your compliment! Regarding your question on fear, no, I don’t have the same fears as before because the fears that once plagued the alters were childhood fears that have matured into mere adult annoyances. I still don’t like clowns; I don’t think I ever will. With painted faces, how can you really know what the person behind the mask is thinking? My entire survival as a child depended on my abilty to be attuned to everyone around me, especially those who abused me. When the men with clown masks came to my house, I couldn’t “read” them, and prepare myself for what was to follow.

I believe it’s possible I have a higher the than usual pain tolerance. I can now feel pain that I once never could. And this doesn’t necessarily mean physical pain; I also now feel the emotional pain, too. I believe the pain from a broken heart, from being betrayed by my parents, is worse the than any physical pain I experienced while being abused.

In the book, I refer to blind faith as firmly believing and trusting in something for which there is no proof. I gave myself the opportunity to try something I never thought possible, one last chance to heal, a leap of faith, and asked God to help guide me. I made an unbreakable promise to Dr. Baer: complete trust. I shared the unbelievable truth about my past, even though I feared I wouldn’t be believed, and trusted him to help me. I had nothing to lose. I was already lost.

Thank you for your prayers and good wishes,

Karen

Comment by Jess on August 1, 2008 3:04 pm

Dear Karen,

In the book your alter Jensen built walls that he eventually took down. Now that you have integrated do you still wish to build walls? Can you explain what the walls meant to you past and present?

Jess

Dear Jess,

I believe my alter, Jensen, built walls to protect himself from abuse, from the other alters, and because he wanted to be alone. Eventually, Jensen built walls throughout our inner world to help keep the alters’ different emotions from spilling into one another, and to keep all secure. I believe the walls were meant for safety. Jensen started tearing down the walls that separated each alter as our therapy progressed. As we healed, the need for these walls disappeared.

Today, I still have thoughts of putting up walls, and these thoughts surprise me. I try to think of the phrase “putting up a wall” to mean “Wait A Little Longer!” During times of stress, or when the need for peace of mind consumes me, I use the “wait a little longer” thought to ease me through. This is especially important when I feel, at times, that I can’t go on. If I “wait a little longer”, this too shall pass.

Karen

Comment by Marius on July 30, 2008 10:07 pm

Karen,

I can act, and I am good at it. I read your book when it came out last April, was bored with my life, had time and coverage, needed someone to listen, and for entertainment decided to become a DID patient. It was fun for a bit, and lo and behold my therapist actually bought my act and diagnosed me with the disorder. I am disappointed. I thought shrinks were smart. My interest passed but my therapist is excited and this continues to amuze me. I have a problem. I feel guilty leading him on like this. I want to stop now. What would you do if you were me?

Dear Marius,

I’m not sure why you thought going to a therapist and pretending to have MPD/DID could be fun? Let me assure you, being a multiple is no fun. Sharing horrific memories of abuse and grief is not fun. Sure there may be funny moments, but living without knowing who you are isn’t fun. My days weren’t easy. I spent most of my time feeling suicidal, not knowing what I’d done, where I’d gone, and worrying about whether or not I’d done something terrible. I always felt sad and alone. My whole life was affected.

The therapeutic relationship Dr. Baer and I shared was built on respect, honesty and trust. Respecting your therapist, who is working to help you, and respecting yourself, is an important part of the therapeutic relationship. I’m not a therapist, but I would think you started therapy for a different reason than the one you told yourself, and not because you read my story and thought my condition would be entertaining.

If I were you, as you asked, I would come clean and tell your therapist you lied for attention. Then both of you could work together and get to the root of why you felt the need to do this in the first place. Another option is to start over with a new therapist, and being honest. Psychiatrists, psychotherapists, and other mental health workers are there to help you, if you wish to help yourself. It’s never too late to make things right. Please do. And try not to be ashamed of your true thoughts and feelings.

Take care of yourself.

Karen