Comment by Psychologist Ben on October 17, 2008 12:23 am

Dearest Karen,

Oh good gracious God! I just read child molester’s comment.  Where did this guy come from.  Don’t answer his questions Karen.  He’s a pervert.  I have read your book.  I am grateful to have had pleasant childhood experiences to share and pass down to my children.  I am sorry you weren’t able to form pleasing memories because of what happened to you at the hands of perverts like the child molester who wrote to you on your page.  How you must have felt reading this? Are you talking this over with Dr. Baer?

Psychologist Ben

Dear Ben,

Thank you for being concerned about my well being.  I know there will be questions that will hit a nerve and trigger bad feelings in me.  Dr. Baer and I discuss these posts.  I can’t stop people from asking questions that may be objectionable.  I’ll try to answer each one in the best way I can.  When there is a question that is inappropriate, such as this one, I’ll talk it over with Dr. Baer.

Although my memories of abuse were not pleasant, I was able to treasure some memories of meaningful times.  When sharing stories with my children, I always focused on the good times.  I told them stories of pleasant experiences, from family related television shows, from what I’d witnessed from being around good families, and my dreams of how life could be if I were loved.

Thank you for caring,

Karen

Comment by Male 2nd. on October 16, 2008 2:27 pm
I live near children and am listed in the district I live in. I have a terrible life since all this took place. I look but don’t touch. I was given eyes to see. The prison did not rehabilitate me, I did it myself. I admitted my faults and receive help. I do not want to be in prison again. I did not hurt another child and not to be labeled a child molestor. I agree with what your answer said. I am not disgusting. I am only a male and think like all male’s do whether they talk about it admit it or dream it. Men are men and can’t help themselves when attraction is present. I am warning parents about all men.

Dear Child Molester,

God did not give you eyes to see in order to find attraction in innocent young children! Admitting your faults and receiving help is a great service to all those who live near you and could be victimized by you if you were left on your own. I pray you are constantly under observation.

Dr Baer taught me that harmful thoughts are okay but actions are not. However, in your case I’m sure your thoughts are inappropriate and not safe. Yes, you are disgusting. All men don’t have the same thoughts as you do. There is a definite defect in the way you think that all men are unable to help themselves when sexual attraction is present.

Thank you for this warning. I hope all parents read this and understand how sick the thoughts of a child molester are, especially when the predator can’t see themselves and their own thoughts as abnormal.

Karen

Comment by A most grateful friend on October 16, 2008 11:51 am
My dear friend, “Karen”,

Knowing you has brought me peace. Peace that you needed to keep for yourself. If it weren’t for you and your caring nature I wouldn’t be where I am today. Being an inspiration to me and all of those who know you is a wonderful thing. The problem is you kept nothing for yourself. I learned from you never to give up. I learned from you to have faith. I even learned how to have a kind heart. Stop taking care of everyone. Who comes first? You do! Another lesson I learned from you. You can’t fix everyone’s heart only God can.

“Karen”, may your tormented soul find peace.

A most grateful friend

Dear Friend,

Thank you for your kind thoughts and blessings. I truly appreciate all of my friends. I know it may appear at times that I have worn myself down by doing too much for everyone else. It’s in my nature to care about others. This is who I am.

I admit, after many years of suffering the illness MPD, it is difficult for me to grasp the concept that it’s really okay to accept who I am and not feel the need to constantly serve others before myself. I try the best I can to do both, be kind and caring to everyone, and also take care of myself. I am grateful to be alive and believe that if I could just be there for those who need me, in a way that no one was there for me, then my survival is a blessing and meant to be.

I’ve learned many lessons from the mistakes I’ve made. As each day moves forward I realize all I’ve learned and accomplished since becoming one woman, after the integration of my alters. I am far from perfect and will continue to try my best until I no longer am able to.

Karen

Comment by Cynthia on October 14, 2008 5:16 pm
Karen, I was just wondering if you have any pets now? I have found that my two Yorkies are so healing for me and give me such unconditional love and joy. I also noticed my dogs know when we I need a good laugh or just some nice licks on the face when I am feeling a little sad or lonely. Blessings to you and thank you again for this wonderful site.

Cynthia

Dear Cynthia,

Thank you for sharing. No, I don’t own any pets at this time. I’ve heard that a pet can give unconditional love and joy. I am glad to hear that you have two Yorkies that provide you with this. For me, it wouldn’t be fair to own a pet if I weren’t able to be home enough to give the attention it would need and deserve.

When I feel sad and lonely, I turn on a funny show, listen to music, read, or call a friend.

Karen

Comment by Joel on October 14, 2008 9:26 pm

Karen,

Excellent Book! Richard Baer captured your story so accurately that I wish to study this disorder further. The mind work between you the patient, and he the doctor, must’ve been electrical. How you managed to stay sane is remarkably insane. Thank you for this addition to the world of psychiatry. There was so little accurate information on mpd that I assumed it didn’t exist. I assumed it was a made up, attention seeking illness. I have read this book twice for accuracy and higly recommended it to my colleagues. Thank you.

Joel

Dear Joel,

Thank you for your review! Yes, Dr. Baer captured my story accurately. We worked hard to make sure our journey was an accurately picture of everything that happened in the therapy. And for me, our therapeutic relationship was intense and magical. Staying sane and on the side of reality was at times a challenge. My inner world was, as you say, remarkably insane—chaotic and incomprehensible. It’s a miracle Dr. Baer and I accomplished all this!

Early on, Dr. Baer found there wasn’t much information on integrating alternate personalities in MPD. This was one of the reasons it was important to share our story in Switching Time.

Thank you for reading Switching Time twice and recommending it to your colleagues!

Karen

Comment by Crystalyn on October 13, 2008 1:53 pm
Dear Karen,

My daughter age 11 told me my husband, her stepfather verbally teases her in ways that make her feel badly. I talked with her and she said he never touched her. I do not want to excuse this or accuse my husband of wrong doing but do you believe this is a prewarning to something sexual? My daughter is starting to enter puberty and with so many changes happening I worry.. I read your book in my readers group and felt nauseated that no one saw any signs. I am not a paranoid person. I’ve become aware just like you wish all of us parents to be. Were you teased as a child in a sexual way?

Crystalyn M.

Dear Crystalyn,

It’s good to hear your daughter came to you and shared with you that she feels ill at ease with your husband’s teasing. I think it’s not okay if this teasing brings on bad feelings. Although you didn’t mention whether this teasing was sexual in nature, I assume it may be at least suggestive. If this is a pre-warning sign, you shouldn’t take it lightly. I am not a professional and can’t give advice, but you really need to talk to your husband about this and let him know this teasing is not welcome or appropriate.

As a child, yes, I was constantly teased in an inappropriately sexual way–too many times to mention here. Your daughter is very brave to come to you. Be proud of her for doing this. At eleven, your daughter’s body is starting to change and she may feel awkward about what’s happening to her. She could be sensitive to any sexually suggestive comments and they could harm her self esteem. Please keep the lines of communication open with her and your husband. It’s your responsibility to keep your daughter safe.

Now that she’s come to you in confidence and made you aware, it’s your job to do the right thing. You can make the difference.

Thank you for caring,

Karen

Comment by Denise on October 12, 2008 2:46 pm
Hi Karen,

When you were in therapy what would happen if your therapist wasn’t there when you arrived? Would your alters ruin things for you because of him? I have been going to therapy for over three years and diagnosed with DID. My therapist is always late and I am beginning to hate him. I get so frustrated that when he finally shows up I can’t speak or forgot what I wanted to discuss. I write notes to myself to help. I may quit. Any comments that could help me? I hate thinking of starting again. My alters don’t care at least this is what my therapist told me. I don’t even think I have alters. Maybe I am being played by him. He keeps telling me I need to come more but one a week is enough aggravation. My therapist thinks more of himself than me. I wish my therapist was like yours because you were lucky, mine causes me grief. Do you know of any good doctors in the South Bend area?

Thank you for this story. It will help me more than my therapist.

Denise

Dear Denise,

I’m sorry to hear that your therapist doesn’t respect you. In order to build trust, there must be mutual respect between both therapist and patient. I believe lateness, especially if consistant, is a sign of disrespect. I was fortunate that Dr. Baer respected me and never left me feeling frustration and anger because of lateness. I believe Dr. Baer knew how fragile my alters and I could be if he weren’t there on time. I am grateful that in the eighteen years of therapy, Dr. Baer may have been five minutes late twice, and each time, he called me.

Therapy in itself can be emotionally draining. Adding the stress of lateness to any therapeutic relationship must be dealt with. I suggest you share these feelings of distress, frustration, and the fact his lateness is preventing you from working through your own sense of well being, with your therapist. And if this issue doesn’t resolve, then maybe it’s best to search for someone who better suits your needs. I’m sure there are many good therapists in the South Bend area. What’s most important is finding the right therapist for you.

I’m concerned that you’re not sure whether or not you have alters and that your doctor believes you need more therapy than once a week. This is a much bigger issue than his lateness. Have you discussed this diagnosis with him? I am not a therapist, but what you shared with me doesn’t sound right. Please seek another opinion if you can. Therapists can suggest the presence of alters to patients when none exist. This is a danger; if this is the case with you, find a qualified therapist. Try contacting the state psychiatric society for a referral.

I wish you all the best in your journey to wellness,

Karen

Comment by Concerned Mom on October 11, 2008 11:11 pm
Dear Karen,

If you had an opportunity to teach young girls what you have learned from your life experiences, what would you tell them? I need help in what to teach my three daughters.

Thank you,
Concerned Mom

Dear Concerned Mom,

I would love to teach young girls how to be aware of their surroundings, be cautious of the relationships they chose, and to use their instincts when something doesn’t feels appropriate or comfortable. But I can only voice my own opinions from my own personal experiences. I wish to share my story with adults, especially parental figures, to bring awareness to the possibilities of what can happen to young girls if they are not carefully looked after. There are visible signs that sadly are left ignored. These signs may be subtle, but they are there. I believe that we all should keep the lines of communication open with our children.

In my case, no one paid attention to me, and I had obvious signs: headaches, sadness, isolation, crying in my sleep, sleep walking, feelings of inadequacy, shame, guilt, and losing time. What child loses time and forgets certain things? This should’ve been a warning to all the adults who once were a part of my life, including teachers, extended family, and neighbors.

I may never understand why no one cared enough to intervene and help me. As parents we must never ignore anything.

In sharing my story here in this blog, it is my hope that through my experiences, opinions, and suggestions, it brings awareness to the possibilities that can occur if we, as adults, don’t take time to care for our children

Thank you for wishing to teach your girls how to be safe.

My best wishes to you and your family,

Karen

Comment by Julia on October 10, 2008 12:57 pm
Hi,

What is your favorite color? favorite candy? favorite fast food restaurant? favorite actress/actor? favorite car? favorite homecooked meal? favorite old movie? I am in highschool and read your book after my mom left it on the table. I don’t know that she’d approve I read it but it’s too late. My mom never reads books and she did yours. When she finished she took a deep breath and cried. I asked her why and she said you were the most inspiring woman she read about and took my sister and I out to dinner. All she kept saying was you girls would tell me if anyone ever hurts you wouldn’t you? My sister jenny and me said yes but I still didn’t understand. I think I know why? I am fifteen.

Julia

Dear Julia,

Thank you for sharing that you read Switching Time. At fifteen, this story must’ve disturbed you. Please, please, tell your mom that you read this book and discuss your feelings with her. Being a mom myself, I would want to know that my daughter read this book, how she felt, and what was on her mind. I can understand why this book interested you. Afterall, your mother said encouraging words by saying I am the most inspiring woman she’s read about. I, too, would’ve wanted to read a book that brought a sigh, tears, and inspiration to my mother.

My story may be too harsh for you to understand since you are just starting to form new relationships. Of course, not all girls are abused as I was. It’s my wish to help adults, like your mother, to pay attention to their children. This could be why your Mom asked you if you would tell her if someone hurt you. It’s nice your Mom took you out to dinner to talk; this makes me happy to hear. She loves you and your sister and is grateful that you girls are happy well.

About my favorites, I have many favorites, but some are the color red, dark chocolate, Panera Bread, a car that runs, Meryl Streep, Susan Sarandon, Diane Keaton, Julia Roberts, Sandra Bullock, Richard Gere, Colin Firth, all home cooked meals that someone invites me to, and the movie “While You Were Sleeping”, to name a few…

Wishing you all the best in life,

Karen

Comment by Roberta K. on October 10, 2008 12:39 pm
Dear Karen,

Have you ever been in love with anyone since integration? I found a copy of this book in the library and read it with awe. In times like this when so much sadness reaches each of our lives in some shape or form it was an awakening to read about a true life struggle as yours. It has me believing in life more than ever. Who are we? What do we need to survive? What really is important to each of us? What is in each of us that causes us to feel lost? If you gave up what would your reason be? As we enter difficult times we all need to think back to why we are here? I pray you have found someone to love you. Love at this time is of utmost importance.

The best to you and yours,
Roberta K.

Dear Roberta,

I’m glad to hear you believe in life more than ever. It’s true there is much sadness in the world these days. It’s important we each do our part to change this sadness into temporary moments of gladness. Staying optimistic may be hard, but it’s possible. Real life is a struggle for everyone. I believe we all wish to live in fantasy where everything is perfect and nothing ever goes wrong. We can do this in our dreams and try to bring these wonderful feelings into play, but this is not being realistic.

Why are we all here? I believe in being here for friends during good and bad times, in finding peace, happiness, faith, and most importantly, God’s love. Without these things, each of us will feel lost.

I admit there have been times I felt like giving up, and it’s at these times I need to really think about all that I am grateful for. It’s at these times I need more strength than usual. And it’s also at these times I need to be realistic about what is weighing me down. It’s so easy to give up and not so easy to admit there is a problem that needs immediate attention. Once I understand why I felt the way I did, and deal with it, I’m usually okay. If not, I ask for help.

Wishing you a sense of calm during these difficult times,

Karen