Comment by Sophie on October 4, 2008 2:06 pm
Dear Karen,

Our book club turned into an adventure that lasted over three hours, an hour and a half over the usual norm of these book club get togethers. We have come up with many questions but are happy to say most were already answered through your column. Most of the club women want to know more about your life when you weren’t in session. What did you do to live from one appointment to the next?

We had a great discussion. The ladies opinions of Switching Time? They loved the book, loved Richard and loved you even more. There were so many things to talk about. In the end, we all agreed this illness is true and you story truthfully written.

God bless you.
Sophie

Dear Sophie,

Thank you writing me back and sharing the discussions from your book club. I’m glad to hear that your group found Switching Time interesting enough to continue the conversation far after the usual time. I’m also happy to hear most of your questions were answered through this blog. I’m sure there may be many questions left to ask, and I will try to answer them all as they come in.

Regarding your question about what happened to me when I wasn’t in session. I spent most of my days taking care of my children and chauffeuring them from one sport or event to another. My children were involved in many activities and I volunteered for nearly everyone of them. I also worked hard taking care of the normal daily things, such as cleaning, shopping, working, and volunteering. I was busy, all the time. Distraction was good for me.

I tried my best not to allow my therapy to interfere with my daily life. Some days, and most of my nights, were difficult after a busy day of being a mom. After my children were asleep, I dealt with my sadness, anxiety, and stress. I had this amazing ability to put all that was churning inside of me aside until I was alone, but then the pain would become overwhelming and hard to bear. When there was a day I felt I couldn’t take care of myself in this way, I would write and vent it all in my journal. And if this didn’t work, and it wasn’t too late, I would call Baer for support. I tried my best not to call or ask for help, but during these difficult years, Dr. Baer never let me down.

Thank you and thank the ladies for their optimism, especially for coming to the conclusion that my story is not only true, but truthfully written. Dr. Baer and I truly appreciate your thoughts.

Karen

Comment by Wendy on October 3, 2008 2:41 pm

Hey Karen,

I just bought the paperback Switching Time of your life written by Richard Baer. I read it and decided to buy the hard cover just because I wanted it on the shelf. The cover designs on both were interesting and eye catching. Hard covers are always a better choice for keeps, paperbacks are for show and sharing. Both books look great! Thank you’s sent to the artists!

For Richard Baer, you did a great job explaining MPD! I agree with you, MPD is a more suitable diagnosis than DID. Why did the DSM change this? What was the purpose? DID is vague. MPD is pronounced. Are you planning on speaking at any conferences regarding this illness? Please add information here.

The story’s written work was WOW! The care between doctor and patient is evident.
Good wishes to you both.

Wendy

Dear Wendy,

Thank you for buying Switching Time, twice! Yes, I agree, the designs on both versions, the hard cover and the soft cover, are interesting and eye catching. I will send on this thank you to the artists who designed them.

Thank you also for your compliments on our story’s writing. Dr. Baer worked for several years on not only the accuracy of our story, but also on the telling of it. We also appreciate hearing your desire of a possible conference on the illness I survived, MPD. If we have information on this, we will post it here. Thank you for your request.

And, yes, Dr. Baer and I certainly care for each other. A journey like ours happens once in a lifetime.

Karen

Comment by C.F. MD on October 2, 2008 12:03 pm

Karen,

Iʼll be blunt. Well written and emotionally disturbing that these things can happen. I can believe. In the book it was written that you had thoughts of hurting yourself, even to the point one of your alters attempted it to rid you of your femininity. In sharing this with your psychiatrist what did you believe you would accomplish? Were you turned on by sharing? Do you believe Dr. Baer was? If I were in his position Iʼm not sure I couldʼve handle it without trying to empathize and feel your experiences. Stating this, a psychiatrist can remove himself emotionally after the session is over but during the time he listened how did you perceive him? Did you try to spare him the details because of his feelings or yours?

The both of you, and this book are miraculous and an asset to the medical field.

C.F. MD

Dear C.F. MD,

Thank you for your questions and believing that this illness does happen. Yes, an alter of mine had thoughts of hurting myself. Funny, the alters were always trying to protect me, and Miles thought if he cut away the female parts, I wouldn’t be abused anymore. Unfortunately, he didn’t understand the passage of time, and still wanted to cut me years after the abuse ended. As an eight year old, Miles had no understanding of normal adult sexual relationships and assumed all intimate relations were abusive.

During my initial sessions with Dr. Baer, I was very leery of sharing any details of my abuse. I didn’t wish to hurt anyone, especially Dr. Baer, the only one I came to trust. I never felt turned on, and usually felt inadequate and disgusting afterwards. Each time I shared, I wanted to die. I always felt concerned whether Dr. Baer was okay. I worried that one day he’d heard enough and just tell me to go away, and I’d lose all that I built in trusting him. I felt afraid, never turned on. All I wished for was to be respected. In sharing the details of my abuse, I worried Dr. Baer might lose respect for me. I felt unclean and not like a woman. In sharing the details with Dr. Baer, I hoped I would accomplish understanding. I hoped to be treated kindly, and not like the damaged woman I felt I was.

Dr. Baer turned on? No, I would’ve sensed it and never shared another word with him. He never was sexually attracted to me or to the horrific details I shared. I am sure of this because I was attuned to him. As a matter of fact, I always needed to be attuned to everyone around me in order to survive. What I shared was far from appealing. As I shared my horrific happenings, Dr. Baer sat there and listened without emotion. I don’t ever recall getting a reaction from him, other than his verbally communicating he understood all that I was saying. I believe if he would’ve reacted with much emotion, I would’ve felt the need to protect him and spare him my stories of abuse. I wanted Dr. Baer to feel safe, because I believed I was too much for anyone to handle.

Thank you for believing our book is an asset to the medical field. That’s very important to me.

Karen

Comment by Cheryl on October 1, 2008 11:07 am
Hi Karen,

Your mother couldn’t help you? Why? What kind of mother was she? Evil witch or pathetic manipulator? To trade you in, to say, and ignore you? How would she react if she read Switching Time?

This book was written excellently, very powerful and intelligently.

Cheryl C

Dear Cheryl,
I know it’s not easy for anyone to comprehend how a mother can’t help her own child. And I can’t explain why my mother didn’t help me. I tried to justify my mother’s actions, or inactions, and could only rationalize that my mother had also been a victim of my father’s and grandfather’s abuse. Although this is definitely no excuse to not help your own child. Afterall, I was abused, but never hurt or ignored my own children. How could she not help me? I don’t know. But I believe she ignored all the signs because she couldn’t deal with it. I believe my mother chose not to pay attention. This was selfish on her part and caused devastating consequences for me, and well as my siblings.

Was my mother an Evil Witch? Maybe. Pathetic manipulator? No. Narcissistic? Definitely. My mother has no emotions for anyone other than herself. Although my mother never ignored my physical needs, she definitely ignored all my emotional needs. She kept a clean house, we never missed a home cooked meal, and she was organized. However, she never paid attention to what was happening to her children at the hands of her husband, my father. We were abused right under her eyes. There were signs and she dismissed them all. As children, my brothers and I shared some of these experiences with her, and we were told to be quiet. I don’t believe my mother was capable of understanding the effects of the abuse I endured. And if she was concerned, she never showed it.

How would my mother react if she read Switching Time? My mother would deny all of it, or at least the parts where she looked guilty of neglect. But she would know it’s the truth. She would focus on her own abuse at the hands of my father and grandfather. Dr. Baer did not include too much about my mother in writing the book. My mother, herself, handed me the tape of her conversation with my father to give to Dr. Baer. I think she was trying to clear herself. She would probably be upset that we didn’t write more about what she suffered. It’s always been about her, no matter what happened to me…

Thank you for all your kind thoughts,

Karen

Comment by Jacob on September 30, 2008 9:42 pm
Hi Karen, it’s me again, Jacob!

I did it! I sold four of your paperbacks, loaned mine to one! The group loved what I told them and couldn’t wait to read it. In three days everyone finished it. I could read another part to this. I know, I know, this was intense enough! I won this week’s book selection of our most interesting finds, that’s why everyone chose your story. I even stumped them all today when we met again to talk the book over. I didn’t tell anyone about your answers and got a lot of “how do you know?” looks? Well, I couldn’t keep it to myself anymore and told them about this site.

Good thoughts,
Jacob

Dear Jacob,

That’s great news! Not only did you win last week’s most interesting book find, but you even stumped your friends and sold four books! Thank you so much! I truly appreciate your enthusiasm! It’s really nice to hear stories like this. I know my story is intense, but Dr. Baer and I really felt sharing it would help others to understand this illness.

Good thoughts to you and your friends!

Karen

Comment by Jack on September 30, 2008 1:19 am
Karen,

In a previous answer you wrote your son was in the military. What branch and did he serve in Iraq? How did you deal with this and multiplicity at the same time? How did your daughter deal with you, her brother in the military and her father who drank?

I believe you to be absolutely the most interesting person I have read about. Thanks to Dr. Richard Baer for his fine work, especially with you being his first patient of this illness. How he managed your illness cold turkey is unimaginable. Good wishes sent to both of you.

Keeping you both in my prayers.
Sgt. Jack

Dear Sgt. Jack,

Yes, my son was in the military, serving five years, with three tours in Iraq. I am proud of him for serving our country. I appreciate your interest in the branch my son served. However, I don’t wish to share this information at this time, for privacy reasons. He may be an adult, but I am still his mother, and wish to keep certain things confidential. I’m sorry.

My illness wasn’t an issue during the time my son served. I had already integrated all of my alternate personalities beforehand, and was well on my way to being healed. My ex-husband and I were divorced before my son set off to boot camp. During this time my children’s father and I stayed in contact, for my son, while he served during the war. While my son served in the military, my daughter and I lived together without her father. My ex-husband’s drinking problem wasn’t a part of our lives during this time. Although sometimes his calls left my daughter unsettled, we worked through these times together. My daughter is well adjusted, confident, and determined to succeed. It is my hope that neither of my children ever suffer as a result of my illness or their father’s alcoholism in the future.

Thank you for all your compliments! We truly appreciate each and every one, especially you finding me an interesting person, and for Dr. Baer, who definitely has done fine work in treating me and writing our story.

Karen

Comment by Inga on September 29, 2008 7:07 pm
Hi Karen,

Loved the book. Love your spirit. Tell me, what are your thoughts on people? Do certain types of unions disturb you now that you are one woman? Where do your interests lie in relationships of the same sex, opposite sex? Do you hate men because of the men who abused you? What types of people irritate you? Annoy you?

Thank you,
Inga

Dear Inga,

Thank you for your compliments. Although I appreciate your interest in me on a personal note, certain things must be kept private. I care about all people. I don’t have any particular thoughts regarding same sex, opposite sex relationships. I believe each of us is unique, and it’s our own individuality that makes us who we are. I am attracted to the minds of the people I meet, by being attuned to their spirit. I enjoy all types of people and have never been one to judge anyone. If we were all the same, everyone would be boring. And the only types of unions that disturb me are when I witness couples disrepect or spew words of hatred and anger towards each other. I can’t handle violence.

I do not hate men because of my past abusers. But I may be more attuned to certain things and may get ill feelings with certain male personality traits that were similar to the men who once abused me. It’s like a red flag warning, and I become cautious. I’ll never pre-judge a man, however. I trust my instincts, and they are usually right. This way, I hope to never allow myself to be abused again. I am just like everyone; we all live and learn.

There are a few types of people who irritate and annoy me. I think we all have someone in our lives who trigger these emotions. For me, it’s those who disrespect, take advantage, and manipulate people. I’ve experienced this more than a few times and don’t like it. It’s always a challenge for me when I meet someone I suspect of this; caring too much for people can cause me problems. So I try my best to stay away from this type of person.

Thank you for loving our book and my spirit,

Karen

Comment by Matt B on September 29, 2008 3:38 am

Excellent book, Karen!

Out of all the books I have read in the last several years, this is the only one that gave me such an emotional response. It was like I was there with you. I did have a couple questions; however, after reading through all your answers I found exactly what I wanted to know! Thanks to your incredible writing skills and detailed answers, of course!

I was disappointed, however, to not see your name listed as an author or co-author. I see your writing skills in these posts and in my eyes there is no question you significantly contributed to this book. I’m sure Dr. Baer was great a vehicle for your healing, however, we all know you are the real star here. It was even one of your alters that guided him! Amazing! I honestly do hope to see another book by you about your life… sans the doc. I think I speak for most when I say we are interested in your life and your point of view, not so much the docs.

I have to add that it amazes me to see this many people who are so intrigued after reading the book that they not only take the time to search for more information on the net, but take the time and energy to write questions! It just proves how truly amazing you are!

Matt B

Dear Matt B.

Your compliments are flattering, but I could not have possibly accomplished this on my own. Dr. Baer had been the one who had endlessly worked hard to treat me. He deserves a medal for treating me, and for having the strength needed to endure all that I’ve put him through. I certainly wouldn’t be here without his commitment to helping me. I’ve been blessed.

I appreciate your thoughts on my having my name on the book as co-author, but Dr. Baer worked very hard in putting together years of my writings, his notes, and using our memory together in telling my story, in the best way possible so that we could share it with the world. I believe Switching Time is the first book written that covers, from start to finish, the entire therapeutic years of treatment of one true multiple personality disorder case. Writing this book required amazing teamwork, trust, and respect from each of us. Neither of us could’ve written this alone because it is “our” journey, one doctor and his patient.

Thank you for all your compliments, especially that Switching Time has given you such an emotional response and that all your questions are being answered through this blog. I’m impressed that you actually read through all the questions and answers, there are so many now. It amazes me too that so many are intrigued after reading the book, and check out our website, read through the questions and answers and ask one if they want to. I am also amazed that there haven’t been many duplicate questions, which proves to me, that the readers really do read this blog.

Karen

Comment by Christina Maria on September 29, 2008 3:25 pm

Dear Karen,

Thank you for allowing Richard Baer towrite this book about you. He sounds like he really cared for you at one time. I am also a victim of child abuse and tried to forget about it without luck. I wish I could dissociate my pain like you did. In this book you and your doctor show great strength. It would be great to see a serial show like this. There is a lot of information in this book and probably not written in this book that canmake many episodes. I like to thank your doctor to.How do I write to him?

Christina Maria

Dear Christina Maria,

You’re welcome! However, not only did I allow Dr. Baer to write this book about me, we agreed together that our journey was meant to be written. Dr. Baer did care and continues to care.

I am sorry to hear you were also a victim of child abuse. I know how hard it is to forget about the pain that surrounds your daily life because of what happened long ago. I am not a therapist and can’t give advice, but I believe you may benefit from therapy. Trying to forget won’t help. Talking it through with qualified help may lessen the pain you hold within yourself. For me, this unexplainable inner pain that once threatened to destroy and end my life, left me feeling depressed and suicidal. What helped me was talking about it, writing about it, in a safe way, in private with my own therapist. Please know, that dissociating pain doesn’t help, it just prolongs the suffering, with additional annoyances such as losing time and not knowing who you really are.

Thank you for believing a series could be something of interest. Dr. Baer and I appreciate your compliments. He reads these questions and answers and has heard your thanks. You’re right; we definitely have enough written information to make a series!

Karen

Comment by Nathan on September 29, 2008 11:57 am

Hi Karen,

I am concerned as to how you can answer these questions without symptoms of regression. I am a psychologist; attending to this task can have irreversible effects on you. Who is treating you at this time? Does your new caregiver understand the complications associated with recalling your past constantly? Have you shared you are answering questions? This can’t be a good idea. Who will help you up when you fall?

Switching Time is incredible, shocking and fantastic. The conflict you lived with is inconceivable. Richard Baer appears to be a strutter. Karen, you are a true survivor, no one without alternate personalities could have survived what you did. Bravo!

Nathan
Long Island

Dear Nathan,

I appreciate your concern for my well being. I have not had any regression symptoms or issues with answering the questions posted here. I admit, some of the questions I answer can be tough, but so far, I’ve had no lasting side effects. I write the answers quickly. As a matter of fact, answering questions has brought me to a better understanding of myself. I have learned that I have retained a wealth of information and believe that in sharing, I’ve become a better woman. I believe it’s important for everyone to understand MPD that I once suffered, and to know that I am real.

No one is “treating” me at this time. I live my life the best I can. I admit this year has been an overwhelming year with the book coming out. I continue to hope for new personal growth. On bad days, Dr. Baer, listens to me, understands me, and is there for me. If I should become overwhelmed or stressed, he is there when I fall. And I am so very grateful he continues to care.

I believe answering these blog questions is a good idea; this not only helps me to help others, it helps those who suffer to believe in his or her own self; to know their healing is possible, too.

Thank you for all of your compliments,

Karen