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Archive for November, 2008
Richard Baer on Nov 9th 2008
Comment by GTG on November 8, 2008 3:35 pm
You ruined my life. I had my counselor in a trance until he read your story. My counselor didn’t know much about DID which made it easy to fake. Why did you bring this illness into the light? are you stupid? you got any idea how this book will destroy old bonding between doctors and patients? I will state no doctor should read Switching Time. I chose to have this disease when it was pretty rare and to different to find anything on. I claim DID after a life of absolutely notta single day of abuse. I tell my counselor I was hurt. My counselor soothes and hugs me and I get the attention I need.
Wallah. Presto. Bingo>>>>>>>>GTG
Dear GTG,
Thank you! If I ruined your life because I shared my story in Switching Time, then it was well worth it! Why would you want to deceive your counselor who is trying to help you? Don’t you have a conscience?
Do you have any idea what it’s really like to have suffered from childhood abuse or trauma? Do you have any idea what it’s like to lose time? In my opinion, you should start from the beginning with a qualified therapist and figure out why you are faking an illness just to be soothed and hugged. This is not only attention seeking, it’s disrespectful and manipulative.
Dr. Baer and I brought our story to light in order to help doctors and their patients come to a better understanding of this illness. I highly doubt Switching Time will destroy any therapeutic relationships between a doctor and a patient.
I’m glad to know your counselor has read Switching Time. I hope your counselor reads this blog and figures out this is you. Now that your counselor realizes you’ve been misleading him all along, it’s time to fess up and be honest.
I wish for you to be well, stop faking, come clean, and ask for forgivness.
Karen
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Richard Baer on Nov 8th 2008
Comment by Laura on November 5, 2008 2:57 am
Karen,
When you were in pain as a divided person would you claim the rare illness ceda? The illness where you never feel physical pain? Or was your pain mind controlled? I have DID and can not feel pain as I should and this causes some very serious problems if I don’t check myself regularly. What did you do with the pain? I have to say it helped my being abused in childhood. How do you experience pain and pleasure?
Laura
Dear Laura,
I haven’t heard of ceda, but this was not me. I was capable of feeling pain, but my pain was dissociated by alternate parts of me. I dissociated my pain in order to survive. This was done out of my awareness; it was a mental coping mechanism and not a physical abnormality.
As a multiple personality switching time, I was unable to feel pain in the same way most feel pain. My pain was there, but I was able to temporarily push it aside and feel nothing. Sometimes I couldn’t even describe to a doctor what my pain was like in order to help myself. My pain was unexplainable and inconsistent.
Having my pain temporarily removed during my being abused did help, but I’ll never be sure if this was finally helpful. I sometimes wonder whether if I felt the actual pain I would have screamed, sought help, and maybe been helped by someone who heard me. There is a good reason we all need to feel pain. I was unable to learn how to get away, cope, stop the cycle of abuse.
Since the integration of my alters I experience pain as pain, pleasure as pleasure. That’s how it should be.
Karen
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Richard Baer on Nov 8th 2008
Comment by Mia on November 7, 2008 7:21 pm
Dear Karen
It’s no wonder you accomplished surviving. Your parents didn’t make you who you are today. It is so wonderful to hear you beat the odds and survived what most abused children don’t. Your abusers should rot away in hell. If all that happened to you happened to me I would’ve died or kill someone when I was old enough to realize what was done. Knowing what happened to you must have been hurtful. How did you forget the pain? If your abusers were still alive would you consider killing them now for destroying your life?
I admire your strength, Mia
Dear Mia,
I understand your thoughts on my parents. You are right about this. I believe I survived beyond comprehension because my mind fragmented and developed alternate personalities. I am not angry, but grateful I had this inner help until I found help in Dr. Baer’s office.
I’m sure whatever was meant to happen with my abusers, in the afterlife, has been done. I once thought of killing my abusers, but just thoughts. What would’ve that accomplished? I couldn’t kill anyone.
I admit, my life has been filled with many hurts. I’m still healing, and it’s hard for me to let go all the emotional pain. However, in order to move forward and become the woman I am today, I’ve had to let go my hold on the past.
Thank you for admiring my strength, that was nice of you,
Karen
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Richard Baer on Nov 8th 2008
Comment by Jennifer on November 7, 2008 9:15 pm
Karen,
Who do you trust besides Richard Baer? How do you decipher what to say or not say? Last question: Do you make mistakes?
Jen
Dear Jen,
I trust myself. You can usually count on yourself for good advice by trusting your own instincts. Besides Dr. Baer, during the last ten years I’ve also come to trust a few close friends. I believe it took building trust with Dr. Baer first, learning my limitations, letting go of past hurts, having faith, and taking chances, before I was able to trust anyone else. I’ve made a few mistakes in trusting since then, too, but at least I’m able to try! All in all, learning to trust again has been very rewarding. For someone like me to trust anyone is a sign of growth and peace. I will continue to be cautious, and this is how we all should be.
Of course I make mistakes: doesn’t everyone? The most important lessons I’ve learned came from making mistakes. When mistakes happen, and they most certainly will, I try to fix it rather than figure out who to blame.
Thank you for your questions,
Karen
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Richard Baer on Nov 8th 2008
Comment by Lois on November 6, 2008 4:30 am
Karen,
Please explain more about the gray rooms. Why was everything gray? How did your alter Jensen change this color and why? When you see the color gray nowadays what comes to your mind? The section in the book on this color changing experience fascinates me.
Lois
Dear Lois,
The gray rooms came to be because after the war there was an excess of battleship gray paint left over from painting planes and ships. My grandfather had access to this leftover gray paint, and painted just about every utility room, garage, stairway, shed, and porches in his home, my home, and many other homes in the neighborhood. Most of the rooms I was abused in were painted this gray. The factory, garage, shandy, little room, and other areas described in my story were painted gray. I don’t believe this was deliberate, it was just the cheapest paint my grandfather could find.
My alter, Jensen, was an artist by nature, and couldn’t stand the thought of this depressing gray atmosphere. Jensen’s decided to change all the gray areas of abuse into colors of the rainbow. I’m not sure, but I believe this was his way of trying to lessen my trauma by distracting my mind into a less traumatic environment.
Whenever I see the color gray these days, I simply see the color gray. When I am enclosed in a room that happens to be painted gray, some memories are triggered for a few moments until I am able to adjust my thoughts and bring myself back to the reality of the moment. There are always triggers for my past abuse, and each time some memory is triggered, I need to deal with it as quickly as possible. Most of the time these thoughts pass within a few minutes, and leave no ill effects. There seems to be no sure way to completely eliminate these painful memories of the past.
Karen
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Richard Baer on Nov 8th 2008
Comment by Mr. Johnson on November 3, 2008 2:57 pm
Hi Karen,
What in your opinion do you think about other people who claim to be like you? I read other books like Herchel Walkers story, First Person Plural, Sybil, Three Face of Eve, the movie, and more. Switching Time is the best book by far! I kept reading to find a worthwhile explanation to satisfy my nagging questions of how to understand my great auntʼs claim of mpd. I found all my answers in Richard Baers book of your story. I can stop torturing myself with crap. Thanks for bringing truth about this medically questionable, hard to comprehend illness. Much appreciate you and Richard Baer.
Thank you, Mr. Johnson.
Dear Mr. Johnson,
In my opinion, there are many ways people experience trauma. I haven’t read all the stories you mentioned, and I can’t say whether I believe them or not. Pain is pain, no matter how you write about it. I tried my best to share my story hoping to help others realize what can happen to a child who is abused, and how one such child, myself, grew to survive. I hope Dr. Baer’s rendition of our story brings an understanding of this illness to everyone.
Thank you for sharing that Switching Time made a difference in your understanding MPD. This is what we had hoped for! I am glad you found the answers to your nagging questions. I admire your determination to learn more about your aunt.
Thank you for all your compliments, and especially for caring about your aunt.
Karen
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Richard Baer on Nov 8th 2008
Comment by Stampede on November 6, 2008 12:30 pm
I have written before and I shared with you that I have DID as well and was diagnosed 6 almost 7 years ago. Your story is a true inspiration to those of us who think integration is impossible.
After reading your book I looked at reviews and such to see what others thought . Every so often I doubt my diagnosis because I feel lost in my healing process. I actually question do I really have it. In the reviews, many people still say there isnʼt such a thing as DID. Even doctors I have seen or read about say there are many people that are diagnosed that donʼt really have it. Doctors still say it is very rare for people to have complete and separate alters or identity parts. Because of this, I constantly question my diagnosis. In one review I read where a doctor was sending people to a treatment center and the center treated them for DID but they never really had it. That scares me because I have been to that treatment center and know others who have been and all with the diagnosis. They were treated and I wonder now did that treatment center knowingly treat people that werenʼt really DID. I also wonder was I one of the ones they treated who doesnʼt really have it.
Did you ever struggle with such questions? In therapy, I have have been taught about radical acceptance. Did you do that? I just am having a hard time with radical acceptance. I donʼt believe things at face value and I question the reality of this disorder or illness that I have all the time. Because I am just an alter in this system, I question the abuse also. I question the memories. It is like a snowball effect.
I question the memories as to their authenticity, then I question the diagnosis, which in turn makes me question the doctors and therapists that I see. It cycles then back to questioning the memories. Did you have trouble with this or did you just accept what Dr. Baer and your alters told you?
I just want to feel better about my life and reality of it.
Stampede
Dear Stampede,
I am glad you wrote back to me and shared all your concerns about the authenticity of multiple personality disorder. I had my doubts, too! However, I couldn’t deny all the evidence that surrounded me. There were many signs throughout my life that were unexplainable to me, although I kept silent about them. This illness is such an lonely illness, and despite all the alters that lived within me, I never really knew who “I” was until after integration.
MPD is real illness. Please don’t allow anyone to tell you otherwise. But on the other hand, I know how hard it is to believe in the possibility of switching alters, and that the hallmark of this illness is losing time. MPD is a dissociative disorder. People with this disorder have many periods of time for which they cannot account. If you do suffer dissociative episodes, then you might receive a sense of calm thinking of it this way: “My mind has fragmented and has stored all signs of abuse and trauma into different compartments. Through integration, all these compartments will become one clear set of memories that will be mine and mine alone”.
During my years in therapy, I chose never to read about, ask too many questions, or look to others who claimed to suffer from MPD/DID. My reason for doing this was simple. I did not want anything to influence my healing in a negative way. Neither Dr. Baer nor my alters ever told me what to do. As a matter of fact, Dr. Baer never treated me as special or like a freak, or ever acted as if I were being untruthful. In my therapy, Dr. Baer sat in front of me, listened intently, and never once told me anything I already didn’t really know. All the memories I shared with Dr. Baer were already set in stone somewhere within my mind; it just took time to dig them all out in order for me to heal. I learned one very important fact about myself: that no one, including Dr. Baer, could influence me or lead me to believe something that wasn’t in my own memory in the first place.
My abuse was real. My memories are not false. I wish they were. I blocked them off from destroying me by creating alters to take away my pain. Nevertheless, there are doctors and other professionals who don’t believe this is possible. That is why Dr. Baer and I decided to share our story. I believe that for me, and for most in therapy, the most important part of healing is bonding and building trust with one therapist. I thank God that the path that Dr. Baer, my alters, and I pursued was the reason we accomplished all that we have.
I am not a professional therapist and can’t give you advice, but I can share that in my opinion, I would stop reading too much about this illness, seek help on a one to one basis with a therapist that you can build trust with, and let go of worrying about what everyone else thinks. Your journey may be difficult, but it will be possible with the right help and the faith that you can survive.
Karen
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Richard Baer on Nov 5th 2008
Comment by Anonymous on November 3, 2008 5:55 pm
Dear Karen,
Are you registered to vote? Can you make one complete decision after reintegration of your alternate parts who each had different opinions? When you integrated you wrote you had a part of every alter inside you. I am curious if itʼs hard to make decisions. Is there a continued conflict when making decisions? Are you conflicted about the presidential vote? What would you have done if the alters were around, vote or not vote or vote many times? In the book or somewhere? I read about when you were worried about jury duty. Was it because of alter conflict? I would love to access your mind. I bet itʼs fascinating. Donʼt forget to vote!
Anonymous
Dear Anonymous,
Yes, I am registered to vote and it was the first thing I did this morning! As a matter of fact, I also escorted four voters to the polls who were too ill to drive themselves. I am one woman and made one decision based upon the facts as I know them.
Of course, there were times when it was hard for me to make a decision, but this was no different than anyone else who weighs the pro’s and con’s before commiting to something they believe in. When my alters were active, most usually did not make any final decisions.
I had no problem deciding who to vote for. The amount of information and exposure in this election was overwhelming and gave all of us more of an opportunity to learn about our country. Of course, I voted once! There’s only one registered voter under my name, and that’s me.
Regarding my decision not to attend jury duty. This decision was during a time of my not being able to control how my alters would react if the case happened to be one of child abuse, sexual abuse, or something similar. I was afraid I’d lose time or switch to an indecisive alter. I feared if accepted on any particular case that deserved punishment, my switching alters could bring on a hung jury and dismissal of a case.
Karen
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Richard Baer on Nov 5th 2008
Comment by Danielle Leigh on November 3, 2008 10:49 am
Dear Karen,
Thank you for answering me. I couldn’t believe my eyes when I saw a answer to me from you and it was exactly what I needed to hear. I wasn’t feeling very good about myself. Thank you, you made me feel acceptable again. I am studying right now and stopped to think how your words of encouragement helped push me to be a better person. I have a renewed understanding of what life is about. Being privileged isn’t so bad if know what to do with what you have. I made some changes and continue to be more open to other people. I have curbed my desires. I now think before I purchase something off of my parent’s charge cards. I swear I thought life was all about what we have. Anyways, improper English but I like it, thank you for being nice and accepting of how I was feeling.
Danielle Leigh
Dear Danielle Leigh
Thank you for your kind words. I am glad that you are doing well and thinking through what life means to you. I admire your spirit. It’s nice to hear your thoughts on how my story has made a difference in your life. It’s encouraging to hear that you have come to a more mature understanding of your life and your future.
I wish you all the best life has to offer. Be happy, stay safe, and remember to trust your own instincts.
All my best,
Karen
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Richard Baer on Nov 5th 2008
Comment by Blanche B on November 2, 2008 6:04 pm
Dear Karen,
Thank you for this book! I couldn’t wait to write to you and your doctor. What an intimate journey between doctor and patient. I am feeling overwhelmed with joy reading how the two of you bonded and healed. I can imagine the dual healing experience. Richard Baer must have been going through his own journey to wholeness alongside yours. It should be written in the book that Dr. Baer had to learn about himself in order to help you. He could not have helped you without healing himself first. Is he healed yet? It was very interesting reading about his own personal struggles alongside yours. In the real world no one is unscathed when in any relationship. In some of your answers to previous questions you take ownership of all hurts. No way, you must not take ownership to all, it takes two, you and the doctor.
How come you guys aren’t doing book tours? Checked it out online. I was shopping at a store and asked where to find Switching Time and was told it wasn’t sold there because of its contents? Don’t get it.
Blanche B
Dear Blanche,
Thank you for sharing all of your thoughts on our journey. You are right, the therapeutic relationship Dr. Baer and I shared was a very intimate and respectful relationship, as all therapeutic relationships should be, and we continue to share a close and respectful friendship. It takes a very special doctor and a very determined patient to survive, bond, build rapport, respect, and trust to heal and accomplish all that we have.
I’m sure Dr. Baer has gone through his own personal journey during this time, however, he didn’t share that with me. In his training Dr. Baer went through his own psychoanayis to become a psychiatrist. But I’m sure he also learned a lot about himself while taking care of me. I believe Dr. Baer did a great job, and I’m very grateful that he accompanied me on my journey to becoming one.
I’m sorry if it appears that I apologize often and tend take ownership for every hurt that comes my way. This is not my intent. I am highly attuned to all that surrounds me. I can’t help myself, this is who I am. I know there are two sides to every relationship, and that I am not always the one at fault.
Dr. Baer and I are interested in doing book tours, we just haven’t been asked to do more lately. Dr. Baer has done many radio interviews in the US, and we have traveled to Amsterdam and Antwerp. We hope to get the chance to travel together again.
I’m not sure why the book store you went to didn’t carry Switching Time because of it’s content. We’ve not heard this before. Is this bookstore censoring books for its customers? I hope not. Please check another store or order on-line. Dr. Baer and I appreciate hearing from you.
Karen
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