Comment by Bruce’s Women Co-Workers on December 1, 2008 9:16 pm

Hi Karen,

You would think Bruce had intelligence to know that we were on to him. We purposely chose to be more chatty just to get to him. We even repeated this web address. You would think after hearing us talk he would have at least not used his real name. Bruce, we know this is you! LOL He’s a man’s man, if you know what I mean? We love him though and this is all in good fun. We think you are one the few survivors whose story had deeply touched us. We women in Bruce’s office think the world of you for sharing you harrowing story with Dr. Baer who in turn shared with the world.

Oh, and by the way, Bruce, we set out those Cosmopolitan magazine’s just for you guys in the office, figured it would educate you men. LOL

Bruce’s Office Women

Dear Office Women, 

What great fun you had with Bruce! I couldn’t help but smile! I appreciate your effort in teaching Bruce and the other men in the office a lesson, as long as it was done in good fun, and it sounds to me as if it was.

Thank you for your kind thoughts and saying I was one of the few who has touched you.  

Dr. Baer and I appreciate each of every one of you.

Karen

Comment by Denise on November 30, 2008 1:27 am

Karen,
Hi. I’ve not read your book. I just came across it on Amazon. And saw your note, to ask you a question, if I wanted to. I think I’m dissociative. No, not think. I am. There are entire years of my life that I don’t remember. Still don’t remember. I’m 35. My mom divorced my “dad” when I was 13. You can guess why. He was not my genetic father. Thank God. I don’t know how sick I’d feel if he were. Sick about who I am. Hmmm… I just am amazed that I’ve seen probably 4 different therapists. All 4 knew about my past & DID never came up. Not once. I just happened upon it. And, the lack of memory really seems to stand out to me. I’ve often thought, how can a person who was considered “gifted” in school have no memory of such huge sections of her childhood? Am I an idiot? Am I losing my mind? Why can’t I remember playing soccer? Why can’t I remember our house on Coral? Such huge gaps. Even though I’m no longer devastated by what happened to me. And, I know my value is my value and what happened to me has no impact. But, I still can’t recover those memories. Then, when I got married, my mother wanted me to forgive him & invite him to my wedding. Unbelievable. Now, I can’t trust her. She’s my mom.. hm. I can’t trust her with my most fragile parts. That’s horrible. anyway, I have so much more to say. But, enough for now, I think. I think I need to find a therapist who specializes in dissociation. How will I know when I’m “healed?” Normal? Over this? Is this why I have so many highs & lows? I’m happy. Mostly. Then, down. For no reason. Is this why?

Dear Denise,

I appreciate you sharing all that you have before reading Switching Time. Please share your thoughts here afterwards. I can understand all of your concerns whether you are dissociative or not, and why no doctor has diagnosed you as having a dissociative illness when that could explain your distress. It would take a skilled therapist to determine what type of dissociation you have or whether there’s another reason why you can’t recall details of your past.

Please don’t be so hard on yourself, the right therapist is out there somewhere, you just need to find him or her.  I’m sorry you had to go through four therapists already. Having a diagnosis isn’t as important as keeping consistency in a safe therapeutic setting with a qualified therapist, building trust, and taking care of yourself.

I can empathize with your frustrations regarding your lack of memory despite being a gifted child. I, too, felt confused as to why I couldn’t remember how I managed to play the clarinet, oboe, bassoon and saxophone. The only knowledge I regained was in the awards I received, the documentation of what I had accomplished, and the pictures of me in my high school yearbooks, that prove I was there.

Please know that if you are suffering from MPD or DID, you will eventually regain all your lost memories. I did, but not before integration of my alternate personalities was complete and I became one woman. Unfortunately, although all my memories returned, I didn’t regain all my physical skills. I temporarily lost my ability to type, play musical instruments, paint, and drive. I gained the driving part immediately; that was shared by several alters, but I haven’t tried to master anything else. I’m looking forward to the possibility of regaining my ability to accomplish these things again someday.

My mother caused much chaos for me, too. However, my relationship with my mother was only one part of my failure to thrive. You will know you are on the right path to healing when you accept your past and deal with all the emotions that cause your distress. When the healing begins, your highs and lows should lessen, and you will start to feel more confident as your self esteem rises.

I am not a therapist and can’t give advice. In my opinion, it sounds like only you and a qualified therapist can work through the web of hurts you’ve shared here. Please don’t give up, and continue to search for the therapist that’s right for you. I wish you a safe journey.

Karen

Comment by Caroline Jane on November 29, 2008 7:24 pm

I am thankful you share a lot about yourself to help others and just like Annie I get depressed and think of you and all you went through. I get very teary eyed when I think of you and have a lot of questions. I have a few questions most of the rest of my questions were answered in your other answers. I can’t begin to explain how much it means to me to know you through your story. Can you share how life as a Chicago southsider in Catholic school was for you? Were you involved in sports and activities in your school? How were your relationships with the nuns? Are any of them still alive? What do you remember about Catholic school and the church? Are you still Catholic? Do you still go to mass at the same church?

Caroline Jane

Dear Caroline Jane,

Thank you for your kind thoughts on my answering questions.  I truly hope that my answers are of some help to those who also suffer from depression and life changes.  I’m glad to hear that most of your questions were answered through my blog, and you can ask more questions here as they come to mind.  Sharing my story is my way of helping others.  I believe we all need help, and by sharing, we all learn from each other. I continue to learn more every day.

Being a Chicago southside Catholic school girl for nine years was a mixed blessing.  I loved school and rarely missed a day unless I was sick or hospitalized, but I wasn’t allowed to form many friendships. Nevertheless, attending school was my escape.  The Catholic school I attended felt safe to me, at least it was the one place I didn’t feel threatened, because my abusers couldn’t get to me.  During these years, my teachers and most of the nuns who taught me treated me well and tried to provide comfort in their own way. 

Although I rarely shared that I was being abused at home, I believe some nuns may have suspected I was. Unfortunately, their ignorance about abuse allowed them to ignore signs that were clearly visible.  It would’ve been nice if there was more known about what signs to watch for in children suspected of being abused.  I believe I may have switched into my alters Elise, Claire, or Ann during school.

I’m not sure if the nuns that once taught me are still alive.  They were in their mid forties or fifties, forty years ago.  I’ve thought of a few of them and wondered myself.  I have made my peace with them.

The Catholic school I attended was small, and all extra activities such as sports, cheerleading, and band were cancelled when I was in the third grade. I remember how sad all of us students were that year. Most of the activities and peaceful memories I enjoyed were gained from the neighborhood park district where I spent most of my time after school, before my father came home from work.

Thank you for taking such an interest in my school days.  I have no ill feelings against the Catholic Church; I was abused by people, not the religion.  I no longer attend the same parish.  I have long since moved from that area and have no desire to go back.

Karen

Comment by Mr & Mrs Bennett on November 29, 2008 3:45 pm

dear karen,

in the event of further abuse reported by a child after being taken away once. this child claims to be other people and misled her teachers into believing we, her adoptive parents are abusing her. she was returned after admitting she lied for attention. now she threatens us by claiming to be dissociative, claims we hurt other parts of her and says she will report us. she is fifteen. did you know you were the way you are at fifteen. my husband and i adopted her when she was five years old. she always was difficult. we love her. now she’s changed. when did you change?

Mr & Mrs Bennett

Dear Mr. & Mrs. Bennett,

Thank you for choosing to write to me. I will try to answer your questions the best way I can, however, I am not a qualified therapist and can’t give advice. Clearly something’s up with your adoptive daughter, and she may not even know herself why she feels the way she does or why she is accusing the both of you. From my experience, as a multiple, I was in fear of being labeled and put away, and there were many times I doubted myself. If your adoptive daughter was abused before you adopted her, I believe she, or if she’s a multiple, some part of her, may believe you are the parents who originally abused her.

I believe your daughter may be afraid of her own thoughts and past resurfaced memories. She may be remembering the abuse too quickly and is in rage. What’s most important is that she is told the truth: that you and your husband didn’t hurt her. Now that she’s back she will need professional help and your support. I believe she may not understand that she is manipulating you when she threatens to report you. I believe this because I once felt the same fear and misunderstood my own actions.

At fifteen years old, I already knew something was wrong with me. I felt awkward all my life and knew it was in my best interest to keep secrets. I knew I lost time. I just didn’t know what it was called or that it was an illness.  At the time, I had never heard of dissociation. All I knew was I had large gaps in my memory. I didn’t realize how special I was until my life started crumbling at the age of twenty five. Please don’t wait so long, seek help for her now.

I admire both of you for taking on an emotionally disturbed five year old. I can tell you love her and want what’s best for her.  Your daughter is only fifteen, and you have taken care of her for ten years now. When you add the possibility of a dissociative disorder onto the change she is experiencing during puberty, it must create enormous challenges. I believe consistency will help. Please continue to seek help with a proper qualified therapist, tell your daughter you love her and will be there for her if she falls.

I wish your family well,

Karen

Comment by Betsy on November 29, 2008 4:51 am

I read Switching Time in two days. Unbelieveably a harrowing story for you, Karen. The title should of read Karen’s harrowing story. What possessed the publisher to title it this way? Or did Richard Baer title the book? Was Switching Time the first choice title?

I read with sorrow and awe. Richard Baer must have been an amazing doctor to take care of you. Karen, you must have been an amazing patient for Richard Baers practice. The two of you make up an amazing team. I admire you both. Will there be a second book?

Betsy

Dear Betsy, 

I appreciate you recognizing our book, Switching Time, to be a harrowing story for me, however, it actually should’ve read a harrowing story for both Dr. Baer and me.  We have both gone through a harrowing journey together.  Neither Dr. Baer nor I chose the title of our book; it was chosen by the publisher, yet I think it captures something essential about my life.

It’s true–Dr. Baer did his best to take care of me.  I will always be grateful for all he’s done.  I feel very fortunate to have found him, and believe our meeting was meant to be.  I don’t believe my being Dr. Baer’s patient had any positive effect on his practice. If anything, treating me may have taken a negative toll on him.  There were more than a few times I felt responsible for burning him out.  As far as I know, my therapy had always been kept confidential.  As a matter of fact, Dr. Baer and I didn’t decide a book could be written until well near the end of the therapeutic part of our relationship.

Thank you for your compliments and for admiring our work together. I’m not sure if there will be a second book, but Dr. Baer and I certainly have enough material to write another book if asked.

Karen