Comment by Barth on February 16, 2009 4:17 am

Hey, Karen!

Are you a therapist? Your answers make so much sense! You are such a great asset to the viewers of USoT.  I swear I learned more of the illness through you. I know, I know, you constantly state you are not a therapist and post only from your own personal experiences but hell! Thatʼs what us people need! A real true life healed multiple. Why arenʼt you writing for the show? Tell your agent to hook you up! If I had Steven’s number Iʼd call him.  What does Richard Baer think of this shit?

Barth

Dear Barth,

No, I’m not a therapist, but thank you for your compliment on my answers making sense.  I truly appreciate all of your compliments, especially regarding learning more about multiplicity through my answers.  I feel I must say in each answer that asks for advice that I am not a professional therapist.  This is because I don’t wish to mislead anyone into believing I am. I was fortunate to find a qualified psychiatrist, Dr. Baer, and believe his professional expertise was the reason I healed so well.  I surely wouldn’t be here answering all these questions if it weren’t for the great help I received.  It is important for me to share my experiences in hope I can help others through their own individual journey.

Writing for the show USoT?  That put a smile on my face!  It’s sweet of you to think I could add to the show’s story line, but the USoT isn’t about me or the book Switching Time. Dr. Baer and I would love to share our story in some way, maybe in a future movie or documentary.  The USoT is not an accurate depiction of what I have experienced. Toni Colette is simply an actress portraying a multiple mom, Tara.

I believe Dr. Baer agrees with me on the way the USoT portrays multiple personality disorder.  We have been amazed at how many viewers have come to our Web site after watching the show. Maybe, after viewing a show that may not appear very realistic, they are interested in finding out more about the truth of the illness.

Thank you again for caring.

Karen

Comment by Cynthia on February 15, 2009 7:41 pm

Hi Karen, I just happened to watch one episode of The United States of Tara last night and I wasn’t impressed with it at all. I like Toni Collete and think she is a great actress but, there is something about the show that rubs me really wrong (maybe I do not get all the dark humor). I hope in the future someone can produce a better show about multiple personality disorder because I think the writers did a poor job on this one.

I also just wanted to thank you also for keeping this message board up…I love reading all the questions and your answers are great.

Thanks for listening,

Cynthia

Dear Cynthia,

I can understand why you weren’t too impressed with USoT.  I have many mixed feelings myself.  I have come to accept that “The United States of Tara” is just a television show, for entertainment, and not a true depiction of multiplicity.

I have viewed the first six episodes and have made many comments on the IMDb message board, trying my best to wedge in the truth about multiplicity for those who are interested.  I noticed there are many people that are confused as to the truth of this illness.  I want to help them understand a little more. The show does sadden me at times when certain things make no sense and are falsely represented.  I try my best not to compare Tara to myself, because there is no comparison. Simply, I’m real and Tara is not. I will continue to watch the show out of curiosity, but I will not take it seriously.

Thank you for your questions.

Karen

Comment by Mary Beth T on February 15, 2009 4:01 pm

Dear Karen,

How are things going in the book world? Why hasnʼt Oprah called you? What is wrong with her? I admired Oprah once but no more. It appears that many of her shows have to do with what she wants rather than what the people in the world want. Like this Edgar Sawtelle book. I read it because it was on her show. Did not rate it high. I guess if Oprah said itʼs great everyone believes her. Now your book is meaningful and true. I feel sad that you lost your chance at the book succeeding. I will continue to be a fan of yours and Richard Baer. Just because Oprah doesnʼt care doesnʼt mean your book failed. No one needs Oprah to sell a book. Our book club use to read every book she recommended, we stopped at Edgar Sawtelle. I donʼt think Oprah reads the books she promotes in full. If she did Iʼd be shocked. It would to great if she told your story so that people would learn from it. The new show United States of Tara makes your book look bad. How can fiction over interest nonfiction? I swear if Oprah puts the cast of Tara on her show without you that would be a disgrace to the medical world. Chin Up!

Mary Beth T

Dear Mary Beth,

It’s funny how some books get a big boost from Oprah, and others soldier on, gaining momentum slowly through word of mouth from readers that are touched and moved and spread the word.  I truly appreciate your concern, but we’ve have had some great publicity during the past year and our book is holding it’s own. Switching Time is growing in sales and we hope to be around a long time.  Of course, Oprah would help!

I can’t say why Oprah hasn’t featured us.  They know about Switching Time.  There could be many reasons why our story hasn’t yet been chosen.  I have faith that if it were meant to be, it will still happen.  I’ve always respected Oprah’s decisions and choices.

Dr. Baer and I have worked very hard for so many years to heal me from the true illness of multiple personality disorder.  Together, Dr. Baer and I have already succeeded!

Thank you for believing in our true story.  I feel that if Oprah should choose to air the cast from “The United States of Tara” as representing the true illness of multiplicity, that would be a shame.  The USoT is not an accurate depiction of this illness.

Thank you for your heartfelt concern and questions.

Karen

Comment by Justin on February 15, 2009 3:24 pm

Hi Karen,

What happened to the new web site?

Justin

Dear Justin,

Dr. Baer and I are currently in the process of up dating out web site.  We truly appreciate your interest in hearing more.  Please come back and visit us in a few weeks!  Thank you!

Have a great day!

Karen

Comment by Valerie A. on February 13, 2009 8:36 pm

Dear Karen,

How is it possible to view the interviews online? I tried to access Good Morning America and couldnʼt.? I know itʼs been done before. Is it possible on this site? I hit the link nothing but the written interview came up. I bought the Kindle version of Switching Time.  I loved the the closeness between you and your therapist. I know therapy wasnʼt like a romance in a real sense but I most certainly felt the love between the both of you. I cried when Claire integrated. Tell me, how do feel about each other nowadays?

I am in awe! Isnʼt love great! I even love you.

Valerie, Cali Girl

Dear Valerie,

I know it’s been difficult to access the video of some of the interviews Dr. Baer and I have done, however, we are currently in the process of trying to transfer all that we’ve done into an updated Web site. Please check us out again in a few weeks. Thank you!

I am glad Switching Time was a positive emotional experience for you and that it has touched you. Dr. Baer and I continue to care for each other and enjoy a close and respectful relationship.

Thank you for your questions.

Karen

Comment by Margaret Nell on February 10, 2009 3:36 pm

Hi Karen,

Very interesting what you wrote to Paul. In addition to his question I would like to know if your relationship with your husband and children was as open as Taraʼs character in USOT? Did your children have a relationship with each alter by name and personality? Last question? Did your children turn out gay, dysfunctional, in any way bad because of your illness?

Margaret Nell

Dear Margaret Nell,

I am glad you found my answer to Paul interesting, however, once again, I must say my story is unlike the show USoT. The character Tara is portrayed by an actress, Toni Collete, who has not suffered from the real illness of Multiple Personality Disorder as I have. I believe Toni Collete is doing a great job acting as a multiple mom and gives a convincing performance, it’s just not an accurate depiction of my experience, or the actual illness. 

My relationship with my husband and children differed from that of Tara’s.  My husband was not as supportive, and was frustrated more often than not.  Our marriage was a rough ride that only added to my alter chaos.  My husband had been abusive and the alters switched out of fear.  I never shared the alters names with my husband, there was no reason to. He would know when I wasn’t “me” but that’s about it.  Most of the time I’d try to stay away from him.

My children never acted as Kate and Marshall, Tara’s children in the show, do.  My children never referred to each alter by their individual name.  My alters protected my children and kept them involved in many activities that included me as the Mom.  As a matter of fact, my children never took drugs, smoked anything including cigarettes, nor drank alcohol.  I am not saying they’re perfect, because none of us are, but I’m proud of my children for never getting into trouble. That’s what we all hope for our children.

Thank you for your questions.

Karen

Comment by Paul on February 9, 2009 6:14 pm

Karen.

In the show USofT there isnʼt any way a DID patient would act in such a dramatic sexual manner. Agree? I am married to a DID patient and let me tell you, itʼs bullshit. Not one of my wife alters would act in the way Taraʼs alters do. My wife was sexually abused and no way was she like Tara. My wife never even walked around the house in her underwear. My wife felt ashamed of her body. Her alters were very skittish too. Where do you think this story line came from? What are alters supposed to do? and how are alters supposed to act? What about medication, do you agree there is a need for medication?

Paul

Dear Paul,

I have many thoughts about your questions. I realize USoT is a TV show, and not an accurate depiction of what I’ve experienced as a multiple myself, yet I am continually puzzled as to where the writers and producers received their story line from?  The common thread with alters is for them to work together to keep one functioning as normal as possible. I don’t see this in this show. There is also an exaggeration regarding all the “sex” talk. Since multiplicity comes from extreme child abuse, most alters have little to no interest in sex. If “Tara” was abused, as I assume she was if she were real, then her interest in sex would be less, not more. Multiplicity is a poor excuse for promiscuity. Maybe there’s more to it? I can only give my opinion from my own personal experience.

Second, in my opinion, true multiples can’t be successfully medicated. It was a wise plot choice to say that “Tara” is off her meds, and that is the reason for her alters to appear more.  I believe, in my case, medication disabled me, and once off meds, I started the true healing process.  Avoiding meds was best for me and my alters, but may not be best for someone who truly does need to be medicated for another reason.  I was stubborn.  I stopped my medication and didn’t share this with Dr. Baer.  I believe my healing started after the medication in my system wore off. 

Thank you for your thoughts and sharing a bit about your wife. I can understand your frustration with the show. Please know that “The United States of Tara” is not a show about my journey through healing with the real illness of multiplicity. Dr. Baer had worked very hard treating me.  There is no room for comparison. I am real. Tara is an actress in a TV show.

It’s true no two cases of multiple personality disorder/dissociative identity disorder are the same. I think the USoT is a show that is meant to entertain and bring forth much interest and future discussion. The show has also brought some people to read Switching Time in search of the truth about the illness.

Karen

Comment by Jillian on February 9, 2009 3:18 am

Karen,

What type of things trigger you?  In the show USOTARA I didnʼt notice anything major when her alters change. In your book you said there were triggers. Do the same triggers have the same affect now? Can you name a few triggers?

Jillian

Dear Jillian,

There are all kind of things that can trigger an emotional response for me.  However, when something does trigger me, the emotional reaction usually leaves quickly. I am not affected in the same way I once had been; I’ve learned to handle most my triggers.  Most of the time now, although I have a quick response to triggers,  the anxious feeling subsides almost as fast as it appears.

Realistically, there are some triggers that can cause me grief at times. I try my best to stay on the side of reality. I know that triggers come from my past and don’t belong in my present life.

What can be trigger for me?  To name a few: if I should witness someone being degraded or treated in an inappropriate way, that can be a trigger; when I feel threatened or the subject of disrespect, unpleasant feelings can trigger a response in me, being stressed can cause a trigger, and someone screaming loudly can trigger an affect in me.  

There is no way to predict a trigger ahead of time, so when it happens, I just try my best to deal with it.

Thank you for your questions.

Karen

Comment by Drew Marie on February 9, 2009 3:22 am

Dear Karen,

Just need to know what happens to you when you are confronted with a problem now that you donʼt have others?  If someone hurts you who helps you?

Drew Marie

Dear Drew Marie,

When I am confronted with a problem, I try my best to take care of it myself.  If I can’t, I seek help elsewhere; sometimes I talk to Dr. Baer.  He’s still someone I can bounce things off of.

I am just like everyone else, and when someone hurts my feelings, I turn to my friends for support.

Thank you for your questions,

Karen

Comment by Inez on February 9, 2009 4:02 am

Dear Karen,

I was really afraid for you when I read your story. I am happy you survived. I have this nagging question, I was abused in sort of similiar ways that you were. I finished therapy seven years ago. I did well for about four years and have recently slipped back. I feel suicidal all the time and hate the idea of calling my old therapist. Would youʼve called your old doctor if he was still alive? I heard in a news report that Richard Baer died last year. I am sorry for you. I would like to talk to him but donʼt know if heʼll remember me. I had D.I.D. and was in thereapy for six years. I didnʼt have alters like you. I dissociated myself.

Inez

Dear Inez,

I’m sorry to hear that you have also been abused.  I can understand how my story made you afraid, not only for me, but for what you also experienced.

I assure you my doctor, Richard Baer, is alive and well. There are hundreds of Richard Baers, and coincidentally some are writers and authors, however the Richard Baer that wrote Switching Time is still here. I read of another Richard Baer that died last year, and I believe he was an author of another series of books, and no relation to my doctor.

Yes, I would call my former therapist if something changed and caused me to feel suicidal again–and I have. Please do seek out and call your former therapist to see if he’s still in practice.  If he isn’t, he may be able to refer you to someone who has taken on his patients.  I’m sure your doctor will remember you, especially after treating you for a rare dissociative disorder for six years!  The therapeutic relationship is not so easily forgotten.

It’s important that you seek professional help while you are feeling suicidal.  I am not a therapist and can’t give advice, but I wonder if something may have triggered your relapse, and who better than your old therapist to help you get back on the right path. Whether you chose to see him or not, it’s important to talk to someone who can help you. It’s not too late!

Wishing you all my best.

Karen