Comment by Rosemarie on March 13, 2009 3:08 pm

Dear Karen,

I admire you for helping people understand multiplicity on the message board of United States of Tara. I have learned so much from you. I am personally thankful you are not a therapist and someone who has gone through a life of hell only to come back and help others. I don’t know how you do it. I hope in helping others you are taking care of yourself. Are you receiving support from your old therapist?

Rosemarie

Dear Rosemarie,

Thank you for all your compliments! I appreciate hearing that my thoughts and opinions are of some help in bringing an understanding to the illness multiplicity. Although, I am not a professional therapist and my answers come from my own personal experiences, it’s important to me to continue to help in the best way I can.

Regarding taking care of myself while I continue to help others. I do the best I can.

Karen

Comment by Sally, Utah on March 13, 2009 2:57 pm

Karen, Response to Measlam.

I don’t believe you. Your answer to Measlam was incorrect. I read the book. There is no possible way Baer was the author without you the co-author. Most co-author write less than what you contributed and have equal billing. Why isn’t your name on the front of the book? Why would Baer take ownership when it’s not his to take? I see you answered mechanically to protect Baer. Stand up. Don’t allow another man to control you. Can’t you see he belittled you?

God help you Karen, for you continue to be abused.

Sally

Utah

Dear Sally,

I answer your questions with a heavy heart. I’ve answered similar questions many times here on the Switching Time blog, and I appreciate your being concerned for me. I can tell you are angry out of caring for me as a woman. There were readers who were curious and like you, concerned as to whether or not I am being treated fairly for my part in helping with the work involved in the making of this book. Please allow me to assure you. I would never allow myself to be taken advantage of or controlled by any man, ever again. I am a woman who had once suffered a great deal. I am not being abused by Dr. Baer.

I’ve been asked how I manage to answer all the questions asked of me here. I answer each question with confidence and strength. Dr. Baer is my mentor, confidant and trusted friend. It saddens me when people try to discredit him and tear him down in front of me. Dr. Baer and I respect and trust each other.

What’s most important for all to know is that we worked very hard for over twenty years to heal me and share our journey in the book Switching Time. It doesn’t matter who did more, why my name isn’t on the cover, how much I’m being compensated, etc. What matter’s most is that I am alive and free to live a life that never would’ve been possible without Dr. Baer’s unconditional care. I’ve shared my story to bring hope to others who have suffered abuse.

Please respect my wishes for privacy regarding my therapeutic relationship and business partnership with Richard Baer.

Thank you.

Karen

Comment by Cheryl on March 10, 2009 11:47 pm

Did any of your multiples ever come out when you were with friends who you trusted and were comfortable with? If so did they notice or comment?

Cheryl

Dear Cheryl,

My alters never came out when I was with someone I trusted unless there was a reason for one of them to defend me.  It’s hard for most  to understand the complexity of a multiple’s life.  My alters would appear whenever I felt threatened, and would come out only when they felt the need to protect me.  It’s difficult to explain what I mean by “me” here.  I would switch when the alter that was out felt threatened or was incapable of handling the situation that arose.  That was how I would survive each and every day.

There is a fallacy regarding why an alter is born and how each alter affects the life of a multiple.  Alters are meant to help the multiple system cope with reality in a less directly devastating way by dividing up what is threatening among the multiple parts.

My alters never appeared unless they sensed stress within me.  For instance, I had a friend–not really someone I liked, but I had befriended her because one of my alters chose her. She always annoyed me with her pessimism.  I would tolerate her for short periods of time before feeling ill at ease. Once I felt I didn’t want to be there anymore, an alter would sense trouble and I’d switch.

There’s a feeling that comes over a multiple before switching, a slight faint feeling, a feeling as if in a tunnel or a falling elevator.  I’d feel exhausted and try to excuse myself.  If I no longer wanted to “stay”, the correct alter would subtly remove me from the situation and take my place. 

Most of my friends would only see me as they knew me. With the help of my alters, I would become the person each friend needed me to be.

Thanks for your interesting question.

Karen

Comment by Measlam on March 8, 2009 8:03 pm

I don’t know why this is important to me, maybe because I am dealing with my own healing from DID. Did you get any money for the book? I know that the Doc wrote it but you lived it. It just seems to me that you should get at least 1/2 of the profit.

I have wanted to ask you this almost every day for the past 4 or 5 months.

Dear Measlam,

I don’t mind answering any questions asked here. I’m sorry that you felt the need to wait for four or five months to ask your question. There are more than a few people who wonder about how I am being compensated for my part in sharing my story.  For me, it is my hope to share my journey to help others through their own journey of healing.  I believe we each learn from each other by asking and telling.

To answer your question, it’s important for you and everyone to know that Dr. Baer and I collaborated to write Switching Time.  Dr. Baer is the author and I reviewed his chapters for accuracy, added background information, and of course, many of my writings are quoted in the book.  Yes I do receive proceeds from the sale of our book. Neither of us could have written our story without the combined support, trust, and respect for each other.  It was teamwork at it’s best!

Thank you for asking this difficult question.

Karen

Comment by Frank W. on March 8, 2009 1:12 am

Hello Karen,

My questions are: Do you have psychic powers that enable you to forsee by expression how to read people? I heard that multiple personalities have an extreme sense of knowing many things ahead of time. Can you explain the ability you have now compared to what you had while in the process of creating your alters for survival?

The book, extremely fascinating. The doctor, arrogant and self-centered. You, gifted beyond imagination.

Frank

Dear Frank,

I don’t need to have psychic powers to foresee anything. When a child is extremely abused as I have been, the child will learn very early on how to read people by their facial expression, by the way they talk, and by the way they act in general. Multiplicity is a coping mechanism for survival. I had no choice but to live my life in a way that might have made me appear “psychic.”  I can’t explain my ability to sense things in any other way. 

A multiple must be aware of their surroundings at all times. Being hyper-attuned is a necessary and important part of the life of a multiple. I continue to live this way.  I can read people so well that at times I’ve been saddened and depressed by knowing how they really feel without them telling me so. I believe it is a gift to be highly attuned, but at the same time, it can cause me to feel depressed. Sometimes it’s best not to know the truth about people. On the other hand, I can sometimes spot trouble ahead of time and know how to avoid it.

Recently a new show came out called “Lie to Me.”  That show is very good at explaining how some people are gifted at reading people.  In this show, every person who can read people by their facial expressions was once abused themselves. Just like me, they learned their talent the hard way.

Thank you for your thought provoking questions.

Karen

Comment by R.O. on March 7, 2009 10:16 pm

Karen, you lived in the Chicago area right? I think we were from the same neighborhood? After reading your story it made me cringe. I think you changed some things for maybe some protection reasons but if you were living in the Bridgeport/Brighton Park area than your grandfather tried something on me. I got away, sorry you couldn’t because you had to live with them. I lived down the block and we were childhood friends. My entire life had been spent wondering if you were alive. If this is you and you can’t reveal your self I understand why. I would be afraid to. If this is you write something in your answer to me that only I would know. If you can remember ? I think you know who I am. I never forgot you.

RO

Dear R.O.,

We may have known each other and lived in the same neighborhood, however, without knowing your name, it’s hard for me to acknowledge knowing you. If we were friends, I am very sorry my grandfather tried something on you. I always tried to keep my friends away from my house. If you do know me, you would’ve known that I’d never bring friends home if my father or grandfather were there.  I always tried my best to keep my friends  safe.

I’m sorry, but there are many reasons for my decision to remain anonymous.  I am not ashamed of who I am or where I came from, but for me, it’s best for the safety of my children, myself, and other family members.

I have no interest in bringing sadness to the people who live in the area I grew up in. I believe there are many proud and respectful families that need not be made aware of the horrific abuse I suffered nearby. It would only bring sadness to the neighborhood.

If you did know me, then you would know that I spent many days hiding in a church stairwell.  If you did know me, you would have always found me there.

Wishing you all my best,

Karen

Comment by Sophie McCann on March 1, 2009 6:01 pm

Hi Karen,

Amazing Read! Your life challenge must’ve been difficult? I am inspired by you and have read every answer to your every question on this site. Did you know you answered over five hundred questions and the marker only reads 261???? Who set the counter, they should fix it? When I pressed the print button to take a few pages with me to read, over six hundred pages printed. I had to add the q and a’s to be sure. Un-freakin-believable!

Good luck to you and Richard Baer. Thank you for bringing truth to multiple personality disorder. Tell Richard Baer I didn’t like him at first but had grown fond of him at the end. Those readers who talk shit against him probably never read the book!

Sophie McCann

Dear Sophie,

Thank you so much for your compliments!  I had no idea how many questions I had answered, so I checked, and you are right!  Unbelievable!  I answered twice as many as I thought!  I have no idea who set the counter or how exactly the questions are counted.  I just answer each one as they come, and try my best not to look back.  I appreciate your wishing to read all my answers, that gives me a special feeling of purpose.

I’ve been blessed with the opportunity to share my experiences of living with multiplicity.  I’m glad you have grown fond of Dr. Baer as you read on.  I agree, most who complain and make false accusations must not have read the book.

All my best.

Karen

Comment by Benton on March 4, 2009 8:51 pm

Okay, Karen, you answered that the series United States of Tara wasn’t about your life. I think you and Richard Baer should check into that a bit more. In episode 8 one of Tara’s alters claims to be pregnant. In your book the same thing happened. Do all multiple people, women, become pregnant at some point in the therapy? See what I mean, too damn coincidental! I am a fan of yours and the show but the similarities have me pissed off. What is Richard Baer or your agent doing about this?

Benton is Concerned

Dear Benton,

The Showtime series “United States of Tara” is not about my life.  I have seen episode eight and actually, for a moment, I thought the same as you, however, the story line was much different.  I believe it is possible for the writers of USoT to write something similar to my story in Switching Time. For instance, Buck, a male alter is left handed and likes to bowl, just like Holdon.  Maybe they did gain the idea of including a false pregnancy from my story.  There is no way to prove this.  Neither Dr. Baer nor I gave this show any permission to use our story.  Until the similarities become more obvious, we’ll simply have to regard these things as a coincidence.

In my case, yes, one of my ex-alters, Sandy, believed she was pregnant and had contractions, including swollen breasts and other signs of pregnancy.  I remember Sandy believed in this so much that she even took prenatal vitamins!  All this lasted a few months and only when Sandy was out and active. One’s mind is powerful, and if you believe something to be real, it can appear to be, even in the case of a false pregnancy.  It all continues to be a mystery to me.

I appreciate your concern for both Dr. Baer and me, and for the integrity of our story, Switching Time.  I have watched all the episodes of USoT, and of course I’ve found similarities. If we find more of a problem after viewing all the episodes of USoT, we will have to act accordingly.

Karen

Comment by Cynthia on March 3, 2009 11:51 pm

Karen, I couldn’t help but think about you the other night when I watched a fascinating movie called The Three faces of Eve with Joanne Woodward. This movie was based on a true account of a woman by the name of Chris Costner-Sizemore who had MPD. I did some research and found out that her integration therapy was not very successful and she had 22 diffrent personalities before she was ever cured. There are a a series of autobiographies written about her life and one with her son telling what it was like growing up with a mother who had MPD… Take Care, Cynthia

Dear Cynthia,

I saw the movie “The Three Faces of Eve” years ago, but I haven’t read any of Chris Sizemore’s books.  I intend to read her books someday.  I also intend to write more about my own journey following integration.  I am not done yet healing from the past, and living as one brings many different roads.  My children are interested in joining me on that project. There are hundreds of stories yet to be shared about my life as a multiple.  I have much more to tell than what was written in “Switching Time”.  It is my dream to do so.

Thank you for sharing and for your continued interest in understanding multiplicity.

Karen

Comment by Justine Lauren on March 1, 2009 5:25 pm

Dear Karen,

I am shocked by your story. Never read anything quite so horrific. I am questioning something I find hard to believe. Don’t take offense, please. I would like to know more about the priest who witnessed your being abused. Did he participate in the act or was he a bystander? What Catholic Church priest would allow such things to happen? How does a group of men find each other have a morbid common idea of abusing children in a church basement? Where was this church? Did you report the priest’s action to the Archbishop or Pope? What was their response? Who do you blame? Did Richard Baer defend you claim?

Justine Lauren