Comment by Bart on 06 Oct 2009 at 12:13 pm

Dear Karen,

Why didn’t you kill your abusers?

Bart

Dear Bart,

Kill my abusers? What would that do for me? I would be imprisoned for life and they would be dead. Murder is murder. If I were to kill them, would that make me a better person? I think not.

Karen

Comment by John on 06 Oct 2009 at 12:11 pm

Dear Karen,

Did you have headaches?

John

Dear John,

Yes, I’ve suffered headaches most of my life. As a child “switching” alters would cause severe, disabling headaches. No doctor ever figured out what was the true cause of my headaches. My doctors tried blaming my headaches on other illnesses, such as the tumor I once had. Back then, multiplicity was nowhere in the picture, and not one doctor thought my headaches could be a sign of a mental illness.

I do get occasional headaches these days. I believe they’re from stress, more of a tension headache. Most of the time I calm myself down it will disappear. Headaches are very much part of a multiple’s life. I can’t recall ever not having a headache during my childhood years. My headaches greatly decreased after integration was complete, proving at least to me that most of my headaches were caused by alter chaos.

Karen

Comment by Vet Vincent on 06 Oct 2009 at 11:31 am

Okay Karen. I get that you went through a lot but why torture yourself by answering questions? I read them all. I mean every single one. Very few idiots wrote you, many fine well adjusted people write you, doctors write you and now me, a vet? Okay. My question is related to the bird thrown. Did your father torture other animals? How about your grandfather? Did your brothers pick up ways of torturing animals from them? My wife read your book first. I picked it up one day when bored and read in one day. Puzzling and covers so many areas in your life. Did you ever own a dog as a child or adult? If you did, did you have anger feelings for the animal? Like your father or was those thoughts removed? What’s your opinion on men who abuse animals? Do you think that’s a sign of an abusive man or possible serial killer? If you seen a boyfriend kicking an animal would that forewarn you? Weird questions, okay, asking for a reason. Thanks.

Vet Vincent

Dear Vet Vincent,

Torture? I don’t think of my answering questions as torturous, even after all I have endured. Actually, I feel privileged to be alive and able to bring comfort and knowledge from my experience of being a multiple. I hope to help others on their own journey to wellness. I believe stories like mine need to be shared to bring awareness of child abuse, a horror that once was kept silent. I believe the more awareness, the less abuse.

Regarding my father’s and grandfather’s treatment of animals; to my knowledge neither ever owned a pet. There were signs that they were afraid of animals. They were the kind of person that would cross the street just because someone was walking their dog on their side. My thoughts on this? I believe most animals sense hatred and become defensive toward evil. Animals did not like either of them. Both my father and grandfather hated cats. Once I witnessed my father kick a cat down the alley as if it were a football. When added to what happened with the bird, I would have to say, yes, they did not treat animals kindly.

My siblings and I never owned a pet. My mother hated animals along with my father, and therefore we never were allowed to enjoy that experience. My brothers have their own pets these days. I’ve never witnessed any anger in them towards their pets. My brothers are overly protective and treat their pets like children. I love animals and have owned a dog, and other pets. I never had any thoughts of anger towards animals. I believe my father’s and grandfather’s reactions towards animals completely shifted our minds to love, not hate animals.

Thank you for writing in.

Karen

Comment by Isabelle on 04 Oct 2009 at 10:09 pm

Dear Karen,

During the time you were being abused do you remember the alters switching in and out? Did they shift quickly/ Who entere the abuse and who exited the abusive act? I am trying to understand the alters job during an attack, whether there were more than one present? Did you get sick afterward? And what about bruises, cuts and private part trauma? Were there visible signs the next day? Sorry for so many personal questions. I am interested for my studies on rape and dissociation. I’d like to compare your mpd experience with a woman without mpd who has experienced rape and claims not to be in her body at the time.

Thank you kindly,

Isabelle

Dear Isabelle,

That’s a tough question that requires a two-fold answer. As a child I wasn’t aware of what was happening. Once the abuse started I would “go-away” and return at home as I lay my head on my pillow. I would have known that I was taken somewhere, removed from my bed with force, but not all that had transpired while “away.” As I grew older, I knew something more sinister was happening. I would have signs that I had been sexually abused, but without being able to explain it.  There were signs such as no panties, blood-stains, and unexplained bruising or soreness in my private areas. My alters removed all that from me. I remember my mother questioning where my panties were.  I couldn’t explain where they would disappear to; I sometimes told my mom I threw them away because I had an accident.

As my alters integrated my puzzling memories started coming together and finally made sense to me. It was at that time, during and particularly after integration, when the entire abusive act would be visible to my memory and I could form one whole picture. Yes, I was severely abused, but my alters contained the trauma until I was able to deal with it all in the safety of therapy.

There were several alters switching in and out during each abusive act.  That’s why no one alter had a complete memory of any episode. I would guess I switched more than three times per episode.

When a woman is raped, I could understand her trying to remove herself mentally from the act in order to survive. I believe the only difference is that a multiple switches between altered parts where someone without multiplicity experiences the entire attack.

Thank you for your questions and for trying to understand more about rape through my eyes. As I answered your question it occurred to me that I rarely write that I am a victim of rape. So many times I refer myself as a multiple but never acknowledge the fact that I was repeatedly raped. My multiplicity was a result of that.

Karen

Comment by Jane on 05 Oct 2009 at 12:01 pm

Hi Karen,

Kisses and Hugs to you! Richard, too! Powerful story! Would like to read a sequel. Do you think it’s possible? Next time though Karen, you should add most of the q and a’s from your blog. Powerful impact on all who read it. I am a student at Penn State, my professor gave me your book to read. I was moved with grief, sorrow, faith and love. You two are the best example of therapy that works. Congratulations!

Jane

Dear Jane,

Thank you for all your compliments and your interest in a sequel to our story! I hope to do that some day!  All the questions here on my blog could surely make a book with over five hundred questions and answers to date. But there’s much more to write about if there’s a sequel. I have continued to document my story after integration, and have experienced quite a journey after the therapeutic part of our relationship ended.

I am thrilled that your professor had given you Switching Time to read! It is our hope to reach students attending psychology courses. I would love to hear from more students who have read our story. Spreading knowledge of the incomprehensible illness, multiple personality disorder, is what’s most important to Dr. Baer and me. I am grateful that Dr. Baer and I worked well together and are able to share our journey in treating me.

Thank you for sharing your enthusiasm, and for believing in our work together. That means a lot to me!

Karen

Comment by Theresa on 04 Oct 2009 at 10:50 am

When the incident happened at the drug store and you were attacked you said an alter took over. Why didn’t you press charges?I read a magazine article that talked about that attack and how you dissociated. Was that in the book too? I am seriously thinking of going to school for psychology with an interest in law. The book was very interesting. Thank you for writing it.

Dear Theresa,

There was a time when I worked the night shift alone at a drug store where my alters would do various tasks. As in most stores, theft was a common problem.  A woman attacked me with a paring knife that she actually took from the store. When confronting someone who has been stealing I would switch to a stronger alter, when I needed to defend myself, I would switch to an alter who could defend me, just as I would switch to survive the abuse I had suffered all my life. Switching was always to protect me from an unpleasant situation. Switching is a coping mechanism.

After the attack, I switched back and I didn’t remember being attacked. I didn’t feel right about reporting the attack at that time. How could I? I feigned being in shock and was given time to pull myself together. Being alone in the store helped. No one would’ve noticed my switch. By the time the police arrived I was back to myself. My alter, Miles, had taken care of me during the attack and the attack was out of my immediate awareness. Of course, I had cuts, minor stab wounds, and bleeding, so there was proof that something had happened. Just what, I didn’t know. All I recalled was a woman coming at me with a knife, bringing my arms up to cover my face, and then I went away. My wounds were minor and on my forearms. Something frightened her away. Maybe it was Miles

At first I assumed the store cameras had picked up the attack and I wouldn’t need to explain. Unfortunately, and to my surprise, the mounted cameras were fake and meant to deter potential thieves. I was saddened that I couldn’t recall what happened. My memory was there, just not remembered by me.

Being a patient of Dr. Baer at the time, I called him and we decided it was best to leave it alone. Dr. Baer hypnotized me over the phone and asked if any part knew what happened. Miles came forth and explained to Dr. Baer in detail what had happened. Dr. Baer then had me remember Miles’ description so that I was able to share the details with the store manager and police. Multiples have a hard time explaining! If I had tried to explain immediately, it may have looked as if I were hiding something or falsifying the attack. I simply couldn’t take that chance. It was in my best interest to let it go at the time.

Thank you for your questions.

Karen

Comment by Allison on 03 Oct 2009 at 11:37 am

Karen,

Thank you for staying alive to help people like me. I know how hard it must be to live when the past causes so much turmoil. I am grateful for your words of wisdom plus for being so kind hearted to all of us who write you. I am sure God created you to share his word through your healing. I am sure you are one of His messangers. I pray for you all the time. Don’t give up.

Allison

Dear Allison,

What perfect timing for your message! I was having a bad day, thinking about my past, and wondering whether my work here on my blog is helpful. I’m grateful for being here. I believe what is meant to be, will be. And your timing proves to me that I’m doing a good thing.

Thank you for your kind words of support and for encouraging me not to give up.

Karen

Comment by Whitney on 02 Oct 2009 at 1:58 pm

Karen,

Did all your alters remember everything you went through being abused? My therapist uses hypnosis like Dr. Baer did but no one knows everything. I am frustrated and angry about my lack of recall. Maybe my parts aren’t co-operating with me? How does alter memory work and what can hypnosis prove?

I read your book two years ago today. Inspirational! Amazing story! Happy Anniversary!

Dear Whitney,

Not exactly. Let me try to explain? Each of my alters held the memory of one part of any abusive act or of something that I experienced. My pain and memory was fragmented. Each alter kept sharing their memories with Dr. Baer under hypnosis. As Dr. Baer collected all those bits and pieces, a full picture started to emerge. Each partial memory is one piece of a puzzle. Once my alters integrated, all those pieces formed one complete memory, but it took a while for all the pieces to gel. In other words, only after integration will you receive the complete, full memories you are searching for.

Regarding recalling the details of past abuse. I truly believe it’s best not to know all until you’re ready. If you’re not able to recall all, there’s probably a good reason. If your therapist is working with you under hypnosis, he most likely has a fuller picture than you. Maybe asking him will help? For me, hypnosis helped my alters talk about their experiences as the other alters listened in. My alters grew in strength while feeling unconditionally cared for when they were able to vent in the safety of Dr. Baer’s office.

Wishing you all my best. And thank you for believing our story is inspirational, and for remembering the 2nd anniversary of Switching Time.

Karen

Comment by Marita Erica Sophia on 30 Sep 2009 at 8:50 am

Dear Karen,

Multiple personality disorder is still called mpd right next to being call Dissociative identity disorder,what was the point of changing the name if the illness continues to be called both at the same time? There has been quite a bit of mentioning of what you call your condition, multiplicity in many series shows and comedy shows and others. I notice it more all the time which is why my curiosity led me to your story. I never heard of your book or much about multiplicity until the last few years but the other day I watched the show “Lie to Me”. The most recent episode talked about a woman who witnessed a murder through one of her alters. I founbd the show quite interesting and searched for more info and found Switching Time was listed. Bought your book on amazon after getting annoyed because Borders was out. How do book stores expect to make money when they don’t house the interesting books? Well, I learned so much from reading your story, and your blog. O My God! I notice people ask you if you watch certain shows so I will to Did you watch the episode of Lie to Me, the one I refer to? I notice you listed the show as one of your favorites. I think they stole a line from your book but don’t be mad it’s a compliment to have someone steal a line from you.

Marita Erica Sophia

Albany

Dear Marita Erica Sophia,

It’s true that Multiple Personality Disorder was renamed Dissociative Identity Disorder years ago, but for me, I was diagnosed MPD, and I will continue to use that term because it narrows my illness down to what my experience was. I even prefer the term “multiplicity” rather than using DID. My choice.

What’s the difference? In my opinion, when I hear DID there is a wide range of disorders that fit into that category. There are many types of dissociative disorders that don’t necessarily include alternate personalities as separate selves. Most of the time when people hear multiple personality disorder they know exactly that that means separate alter personalities. When DID is used, most people are left wondering what type of dissociation does that person have?

Shows like USoT are entertaining, and the cast does a great job trying to portray the life of a multiple, but they are not realistic. I did watch the show “Lie to Me.” I love that show! I have mixed thoughts about their portrayal of a multiple, but found it more realistic than not.

I am not one to judge. It would be nice for the writers who write for these shows to consult with a true multiple like me. I could surely add many entertaining episodes from my personal experience. It’s my hope that if any show decides to use multiplicity for their story line that they portray a multiple by adding a bit more fact than fiction.

I’m sorry that you had a hard time finding our book at Borders. I have no idea why some stores have the books on the shelf and others need to have it ordered. That’s always been a mystery to me. But I’m glad you ordered and received your book from Amazon.com. For some reason, most books I look for never seem to be available in the bookstore either.

Thank you for all your compliments, especially your interest to gain knowledge by reading more about the illness. And thank you for sharing that a line was stolen from our book! I wondered which line it was, but it doesn’t matter.  At least I know the writers are reading Switching Time.

Thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts and opinions. That’s important to me!

Karen

Comment by Maxine on 30 Sep 2009 at 8:45 am

Hi Karen.

When is a multiple not a multiple? After integration are you still labeled a multiple? Do you consider yourself a multiple now that you are healed from multiple personality disorder?

Maxine

Dear Maxine,

Very good questions! I’m not sure. I used to believe once a multiple always a multiple, with the exception that all of my alters merged together during integration to become one woman, me. I never really paid much attention to labels in the first place. Whether I was labeled a multiple before or after integration doesn’t matter to me.

I assume that I am a survivor of multiple personality disorder. Strange as it may sound, in all the years of my therapeutic relationship with Dr. Baer, only once did he ever mention what my illness was called. I knew the name of my illness, but I had no desire to be reminded of it as my journey to heal continued. Labels are not for me. But yes, I may always consider myself a multiple.  Perhaps I should be called a “Recovered Integrated Multiple”!

Thank you for your questions.

Karen