Comment by skyeview on July 21, 2008 4:11 pm

I have had this book for a couple of years now, but could not get through it. The memories and abuse brought up were just so personal that it took days just to read a few pages. At the present moment, we are 16 in number, with children (one being Native American and two boys) as well as a male protector. We were making headway with our therapist until she took another position and has since moved out of the area. Our psychiatrist is the only one we really trust right now, which is difficult because she doesn’t really have the time or energy to help us on a regular basis. With children crying constantly, adults quarrelling as to who is to be out, and our teens wanting to end it all, it is overwhelming to think of getting to know another therapist. Please send good thoughts…we have had enough bad ones for centuries. crys, beth and jed (protectors)

Dear Crys, Jed, and Beth,

I’m sorry for all of you, especially for those within you that are having a difficult time. I can empathize with you. If I had lost my therapist, Dr. Baer, at anytime during therapy, it would’ve been very difficult for me to go out and find another. Finding someone who can care for you is hard work, but is possible. Please don’t give up—the right therapist for you is out there, you just need to find him or her. I wish you all the best.

Karen

Comment by Gloria on July 18, 2008 4:53 am

I can’t even imagine what it would take to live though this. I commend your enormous inner strength to overcome such a horrific ordeal. I love the fact that when it came to your healing, it was you who led the way for the therapist! Speaking of the author, he certainly appears to think highly of himself. How do you put up with his ego?

Dear Gloria,

Thank you for your encouraging words. I was amazed myself when I found out it was my alter, Holdon, who came up with the plan of how to integrate all the different parts of myself. I believe Holdon knew how to do this because of all he learned through our many years in therapy with Dr. Baer. My therapy succeeded because Dr. Baer was consistent in his treatment with all of my alters.

I admit my journey to heal was difficult, but I couldn’t have done it alone. I needed someone to teach me discipline, commitment, and all that I lacked in order not to end my life. I needed to feel safe. I chose Dr. Baer because he exuded confidence. Dr. Baer accepted me, as I was, from day one. He never once bragged or boasted about himself, he was always on time, and never once left me feeling he was better than I. During the therapeutic years of our relationship, I fed off of Dr. Baer’s strength. He appeared to know who he was, what he was doing, and gave me all that I needed to start and continue to heal. I never felt he thought highly of himself. And he certainly never intruded his ego into our therapeutic relationship. If I had thought he was full of himself, we wouldn’t have worked well together.

Karen

Comment by Kim on July 15, 2008 7:41 pm

Karen,

Excellent book! Your life story is indeed amazing. I noticed that your alters range not only in age and gender, but also in race with one being black. Were any of the others a different nationality? Each person was so unique. What do you believe is the reason for the wide range of diversity of your alters? Also, how did the alters get their names?

Dear Kim,

Thank you for your compliment! I believe my alters, being “born” at different times during my childhood, came to be in order to protect me at different times or whenever I’d suffer a new traumatic experience that the existing alters couldn’t handle. I recall wishing I was adopted or was a person of a different race and didn’t belong to my family. I’d watch television and wish I were one of the cast members in a show such as Lassie, Father Know’s Best, Leave it to Beaver, Nanny & The Professor, etc. I’m not sure of all the nationalities of my alters, but I do know that Katherine was a school teacher and a nanny from England, Elise came from Hungary, Julie from Poland, Sidney was Australian, and Jensen was born African-American.

I believe my alter, Jensen, who was black, came from my trying not to be predjudiced like my father and grandfather. I heard my father degrade all other races, but mostly he hated blacks. I recall hearing my father’s horrible words against people of color. I believe my mind created Jensen, an artist, not only to bring color into my inner world, changing all that I saw as gray into beautiful colors of the rainbow, but to also teach me about people of color.

The ages and names of my alters were created to fill a need at the time they were created. Most of the alters names came from relatives, television shows, and people I may have known. Holdon was an alter that used the phrase “Hold On” quite often, until one day he just became Holdon. Miles’ name came while traveling many miles to an aunt’s house.

Karen

Comment by Ross on July 15, 2008 12:58 am

Tell me to what extent you feel the depiction of your husband was real and how much was Dr. Baer’s interpretation of your revelations. At times it seemed as if he was a “monster” who caused some of the problems you encountered. Was his drinking a cause of the problems or a reaction to them?

Dear Ross,

Dr. Baer did not misinterpret my revelations. Dr. Baer only wrote from what I shared with him; he wrote from seeing my visible bruises in person, he wrote from experiencing my distressed phone calls, sometimes during an attack, and from the police records. Dr. Baer listened and never added to what I experienced through my daily life living with an alcoholic. My husband was not the original cause of my dissociative disorder. I had been abused as a child which led me to live and choose an abusive, dysfunctional lifestyle as an adult.

Once, I shared my memories of childhood abuse with my husband during my hospitalization for depression. I had hoped for his understanding, but instead he used what happened against me. Every day he reminded me that my father abused me. This created more alter chaos and suicidal thoughts within me. He would ask, “Why did you let them abuse you?” I never could answer-how could I? My husband fell out of love with me at this time and our marriage was never the same. I can’t exactly say my husband was a “monster” because I never saw him that way. But I can say, after hearing of my being a victim of child abuse, he no longer seemed to respect me or treat me like a woman.

Karen

Comment by Irena on July 11, 2008 12:45 am

Dear Karen,

As I read your life’s journey, I kept feeling thankful for your alters and the beautifully functioning selves which protected you and each other. It would be good to know how you have been able to continue long term without therapy or losing time, without alters to help you along and take the stresses of everyday living. What an amazing age at which to get to know yourself all over again, or for the first time even. How are you doing this?

I was dying to hold you all through the book. Thanks for allowing Dr Baer to write your story so well. I hope that the book and all the interest it generates doesn’t bring back any trauma to your life now.

Dear Irena,

Thank you for your kind words. I, too, am thankful for my alters. My alters spared me the pain of the most horrific abuse until I was old enough to deal with it in therapy with Dr. Baer. I believe my alters were a God sent coping mechanism. Since my therapeutic relationship ended with Dr. Baer two years ago, I continue to have a bad day once in awhile. But I’ve been fortunate that Dr. Baer and I maintain a supportive relationship and talk.

Not having the alters saddens me at times. Sometimes I think I miss them – not the alters themselves, but the idea of having an alter who would take over and spare me from dealing with something I didn’t want to. I admit dealing with the stresses of everyday life on my own has been difficult at times. I do the best I can, and afterwards am glad I didn’t need to dissociate. I continue to learn more about myself each day. Getting to know myself at this age has been another journey; my children are grown and doing well on their own, and now I can focus more on me. I’d love to travel more, take a few college courses, and experience things I never have.

It is my hope my story will shed light on the illness I suffered, the extent of what child abuse can cause, and how one’s mind can create a way to cope in order to survive. It was difficult to go over what happened to me, but the distress was short lived. I’ve grown stronger as time has passed and am able to talk more freely, answer questions, and accept my past without pause.

Karen

Comment by Jean on July 2, 2008 1:58 pm

How has your life changed since the integration

Dear Jean,

My life since integration has become calmer. Although busy, I’ve been able to manage well on my own without “alter” help. I have divorced my once abusive husband, I now work full-time, and I continue to do all that I can to be independent. Each day brings a new challenge for me. I continue to search for new things to do and experience. There is so much for me to learn after spending many years living my life with the alters. Now, alone, I must learn to tend to my own needs and try my best not to live for everyone else. I am thankful to wake each morning knowing that my life is my own. I can make my own decisions, my own choices, and keep commitments that once were impossible.

Karen

How do you explain the success of the therapeutic relationship you shared with Dr. Baer?

Dr. Baer allowed me to build trust. I couldn’t trust anyone, nor did I have the strength to allow another person into my inner world, to know the extent of what I suffered. The only one I ever chose to share my secrets with was Dr. Baer. My “alters” and I survived on blind faith and put all our trust into Dr. Baer and our work together. Somewhere within me was the determination to survive, but I couldn’t do it alone.

Do you have a question for Karen? Leave it in the comments below and she will answer it right here on the Switching Time blog.