Comment by Irena on August 13, 2008 11:07 am

Dear Karen,

I think a lot of people will deny the facts and refuse to believe that immature, disfunctional and sadistic adults permit themselves to hurt children (young girls) in mainstream American cities, hidden in mainstream American culture. Would Dennis and his like be so incredulous if your story came out of England? or Egypt? or India? or China even? Children are bought and sold (filmed, assaulted, abused) illegally in the modern world because there is a market for it and your father and friends just took what was there. You are spot on in your reply and I’m sure many women have felt angry at the question I refer to because it’s exactly the head in the sand attitude that allows this kind of horror to happen in the first place. America is a country of plenty, of anything goes, permissiveness and porn included, founded on a puritanical framework of Christian morality that often denies rather than faces the darkest aspects of human behavior. Dennis ought to think harder about those men and the “weirdness” of the 60’s because it is not ok to just dismiss it as “spirit of the times.” People get hurt, and you’re right, Karen, children are all adults’ responsibilities, not just their parents’, and in a way young people in our society belong to all of us.

Irena

Dear Irena,

Thank you for understanding and articulating what I, too, feel. I hope Dennis reads the responses left by you and Azkadelia. It saddens me to hear adults’ ignorance and disbelief about children who are abused; this is why they often have no one to listen to them. I believe it’s up to all adults to be aware and take notice of anything that appears suspicious. How different my life would’ve been if only one adult would’ve stepped in and helped me.

Thank you, again. Your comment will definitely make a difference.

Karen

Comment by Robin on August 12, 2008 2:48 am

Hello Karen,

I just finished reading your story. I found it to be fascinating! What a brilliant mind you have. Thank you for sharing it with us. I am a teacher and have suspected abuse in some of my students over the years. It is very difficult to prove this, though when you are working with young children. I am simply amazed at your ability to creat Elise who behaved as a “normal” student during the day. I am sure some of your former teachers would be very interested to know your story. Please consider sending a copy of your book to a former teacher of yours! I am also a mother of two young boys. I find it difficult to find time to be away from the boys to take care of things like occasional doctor appointments for myself. How were you able to find the time to delve into such extensive therapy with your two children at home? Your husband seemed to be angry and abusive, and your parents were obviously not fit to watch your children. Did you have other reliable friends/relatives available to help out with your kids? I am NOT criticizing you in the least bit-you needed and deserved the time to heal yourself. I am just very curious as to how you were able to swing it? As a final note, I admire your courage and strength and would be honored to meet you someday. If you are ever considering a public appearance, please post it to this website. Thank you, Karen. I wish you days of happiness and laughter!

Sincerely,
Robin

Dear Robin,

Thank you for all your kind words. I am glad you asked the questions you did. And if I happen to make an appearance, I will try to post it.

I honestly hadn’t thought about sending a copy of the book to the teachers who once taught me. Would they remember me? I can understand that being a teacher, how interesting it would be for you to know a child who survived what I have and how she did it. My former teachers could be well into their seventies or eighties, but I will consider sending them a copy. Thank you for your suggestion.

During my grade school years, when Elise took care of me during school hours, my teachers may have wondered about me. There were signs that most of my teachers, nuns, didn’t pay attention to. I had bruises no one asked about. I suffered severe headaches and spent lots of time in the nurse’s and principal’s office feeling ill. I often wondered why, especially after having my own children, no one took my symptoms seriously. I now understand the reason was—I dissociated. If I were a teacher back then, I definitely would’ve questioned everything that caused suspicion.

During my years in therapy, my children rarely knew when I had a doctor appointment. When they did, they knew I was seeing Dr. Baer to make me feel happy and well. Most of the time I scheduled my appointments during the school day, on the same day and time each week. I always made arrangements with a good friend, as backup, in case one or both of my children became ill or I couldn’t get back in time. Neither my mother nor my husband took care of my children during session times.

On the days I had a session, I’d come home exhausted and teary eyed. I’d try my best to calm myself, or I’d switch and another alter would come out to help. Therapy days turned into “pizza and movie night.” These were a wonderful distraction for me and my children that allowed me to hold myself together until after my children’s and husband’s bedtime. I dealt with it the best I could.

Thank you, again, for sharing and caring,

Karen

Comment by Beatrice on August 14, 2008 11:35 am

Dear Karen,

How wonderful it was to finish reading your story to find you are doing well and all. I admit at first I was appalled by what I read. I didn’t know if I could finish it so I put it away. In the middle of the night, two days later, I woke and had to know what happened next and read some more. What a ride reading this book. I am happy you survived and even happier to know there are doctors strong enough to handle tough cases like yours. I mean, Dr. Baer must have just as much strength as you have to survive along with you. Is he okay? Tell him Thank you from me. In the book Dr. Baer shared some of his past, too. I believe your meeting wasn’t an accident, but fate. I believe you both needed each other and that’s why your therapeutic relationship worked well. Congratulations on a journey well done.

Sincerely,
Beatrice, Wyoming

Dear Beatrice,

I am glad to hear you finished reading, Switching Time, especially since you were initially disturbed by my story. Other readers have felt the same. When I first shared this book with friends and family, I warned them my story could be hard to read, and if they chose to read it, I asked them to finish it. By finishing the book, they would have a complete understanding of all I’ve gone through and how I healed. I hoped my story would be inspiring to others.

Dr. Baer did need lots of strength to survive me. And I continue to believe he is much stronger than I am. I do realize I was difficult to treat, and I hope he knows how grateful I am. I, too, believe it was fate that brought us together. A journey like ours comes once in a lifetime. I believe it was meant to be.

I pray for Dr. Baer everyday and for us to continue to be a part of each other’s life. We have a close and respectful friendship, and I believe the relationship we continue to share is good. I’d like to believe he needed me in some way, too. Maybe just to accomplish one small thing, like saving the life of one woman?

Thank you for your thoughts and well wishes,

Karen

Comment by Azkadelia on August 10, 2008 8:26 pm

When there is “weirdness” or “perverted actions” there are problems. Masked or not, and as sad as it seems there are people in this world, such as Karen’s abusers, that are sick and don’t advertise their actions. Also, you said you can’t believe anything like this could happen in Chicago in the sixties? I find it hard to believe you honestly believe that statement. The sixties in Chicago weren’t all that great with radical movements and gang/mob activity, so is Karen’s experience really as shocking as you think?

Karen’s response to this question is spot on, you were extremely lucky to not be affected in a negative way by these people. Also, even though Karen and Dr. Baer have made the decision not to share the location where she grew up, it doesn’t matter. Chicago, Florida, Rhode Island or where ever, this type of thing happens everywhere and these types of people are everywhere.

Dear Azkadelia,

Sounds like Dennis’ question has upset you. I can understand why. I can tell how you felt. And I appreciate hearing from you. There are many who may not believe the possibility of abuse happening, even when it’s under their own eyes. The men who abused me didn’t look like monsters, nor did they show their weirdness in public. As a matter of fact, they were all employed in well paying jobs, and some were prominent neighborhood figures. All was kept hush-hush in those days. Yet, it happened, and no one dared talk about it.

Thank you for your thoughts and comments. I am sure many readers felt the same as you. I know I did.

Karen

Comment by Azkadelia on August 10, 2008 8:07 pm

Karen,

I’ve been reading your responses and am so glad there is someone who went through all that you have and are able to help people in return. I’ve also noticed that you are an amazing writer, are you going to write a book? Because I’m sure a lot of people would be interested in the patients point of view. It’s obvious that you’ve had a lot of input with the book because the way you write and the structure of the book are fairly similar, but it would be interesting to get in your head since we’ve been in Dr. Baer’s already.

Keep up the great responding and please keep writing because it really touches people and it helps more than I’m sure you know.

Azkadelia

Dear Azkadelia,

Thank you for all your compliments, comments, and concerns. I truly appreciate your thoughtfulness. I will continue to do my best to respond to those who ask questions and share their thoughts. This is what I hoped for—through my experiences to help others understand multiple personality disorder in a way that’s not been spoken of before..

All the Best,

Karen

Comment by Elizabeth5959 on August 10, 2008 1:57 am

Dear Karen,

You are an inspiration to me! It’s women like you who teach us through real life experiences to believe we can accomplish anything if we only try. While reading your story, my minimal traumas seemed so insignificant. I am a whiner. I’ve been whining to my therapist for months and he hasn’t complained once. Until I read your book I hadn’t realized I wasn’t getting anywhere. I wasn’t focusing on the problems I had. I knew what was wrong but was waiting for my therapist to ask me what was wrong and tell me what to do. Not only was this book helpful in understanding what therapy is, it helped me change my way of approaching my own journey. Thank you for sharing your life. It must’ve been hard to make this decision. I do have some questions.

1. During your treatment years did you ever suffer from nightmares or panic attacks?
2. Was Dr. Baer empathetic and helpful in understanding when you shared your dreams?
3. Did you ever wake in the middle of the night thinking you were under attack?
4. Do you have any suggestions I could use before bedtime to eliminate nightmares?

You are amazing! Dr. Baer is amazing! Please answer if you will. Thank you.

Elizabeth,
California

Dear Elizabeth,

Thank you for sharing. Don’t be so hard on yourself. I wasn’t the best patient at the start of therapy myself. Actually, I whined a lot, too. It’s all a part of building the therapeutic relationship. It’s hard to confide in someone who you haven’t established trust with. A few months aren’t that long. It took me much longer. It takes time to heal and to get into a routine. I believe your therapist didn’t complain because he already knew this.

I’m glad that my story has given you a better understanding of what therapy is. I believe you’ll approach therapy with more focus now that you recognized what you were doing. I’m not a therapist, but have to say, they rarely, if ever, tell you what to do. This is an illusion most people think of when they walk into a therapist’s office. It’s the patient’s job to bring up and talk about whatever comes to mind. After spending many months not talking, it finally dawned on me one day that he wasn’t saying anything—that he was there to listen and I was to there to talk.

During my therapy years I did suffer from nightmares and panic attacks. It was hard work bringing up all the past hurts that weighed me down. I was lucky Dr. Baer knew how to handle me during this time. As therapy continued, Dr. Baer’s care had been implanted in my thoughts and it was as if he calmed me down without being present. Dr. Baer has always been empathetic, and when I shared my dreams, he always gave me a better understanding about what they revealed about me.

Thank you for your “amazing” thoughts.

Karen

Comment by Annmarie on August 9, 2008 10:44 pm

Karen,

Did you lose your talent as an artist after your integration? I have DID and love the way I am and am afraid to integrate for fear of losing this part of who I am. What about other things your alters once did, do you remember their likes and dislikes and have you kept their talents? Thank you for answering all these questions.

Best wishes to you,

Annmarie

Dear Annmarie,

Please don’t be afraid to integrate for fear of losing the parts of you that were once alters. Living a fragmented life is too stressful. When each alter integrated within me, each merger diluted their individual talents, but as time went on, each alter that integrated gave me a sense of completeness that I never previously had. I am who I am because all of my alters are “me.” I don’t believe I lost anything: just put a few things aside, for now. I don’t believe I lost any of the alters’ individual talents. There are some things I haven’t tried yet, but my interest and desire to do so is there, just waiting for me. I continue to love art, music, traveling, and have many of the same likes and dislikes the alters had. I’ve become one woman with a variety of interests and talents.

Thank you for asking,

Karen

Comment by Henry on August 10, 2008 8:20 pm

Karen,

What a powerful book! I would like to know how you managed reading the manuscript before print. If I were you it would’ve caused me to relapse. Was it difficult on you to read, write and talk over episodes of abuse before and after publication?

Henry

Dear Henry,

Yes, I agree, Switching Time is a powerful book! And I appreciate you saying so! This book was meant to be written. I am glad to have been a part of something that will help others complete their own journeys. Of course, at first it was difficult to read through the manuscript. How could it not be? I had to relive all that happened, time and again. But it was worth it. Each time I read the manuscript I grew stronger in spirit. Having read my story and contributed to the writing gave me the determination to move forward. How many of us can look back and read, in black and white, all that we’ve accomplished? I already knew all about what happened to me, but yes, reading it was hard to do.

I believe this book gave me more strength than if it weren’t written. I was able to meet all the alters in the way Dr. Baer knew them. Of course, my alters were a part of me and lived within me, but I couldn’t know them in the same way he did. In this book, Dr. Baer’s descriptions brought my alters to life for me.

There continues to be times when I become overwhelmed with having my story published. Talking about my past isn’t always pleasant. But all in all, I believe sharing what Dr. Baer and I have gone through has been a once in a lifetime journey that needed to be told. I believe it’s important for me to talk about my journey. It is my hope that through my sharing, others will find hope within themselves.

Karen

Comment by Dennis on August 9, 2008 9:27 pm

Karen,

This is a great story but I don’t believe anything like this could possibly take place in the Chicago area. What area did you live in while this was happening? I am a child product of the sixties and know there was weirdness in that period of time but all men of that time period talked perverted and never acted on it. What made you different?

Dennis

Dear Dennis,

I’m sorry, but Dr. Baer and I decided it was best not to share the exact geographical area where I lived as a child. But, yes, it’s possible for this type of abuse to happen, not only in Chicago, but anywhere in the world. What’s to prevent men who talk in perverted ways to act on them in secret? You mentioned you were a child during the sixties and thought that men during that period “talked perverted,” but didn’t act on anything. If this was so, then you were lucky not to have suffered at their hands.

What made me different? I was the child of abusers. I was trapped, a captive, and could only escape them within myself.

Karen

Comment by Beth on August 9, 2008 9:24 pm

Karen,

Do you date or have you remarried? What does your friend or husband think about your past? I was abused myself and every time I shared this information with a man he literally stopped calling. One of my man friends actually told me once he knew I turned him off. How do share your past now that there’s an entire book about you?

Beth

Dear Beth,

No. I haven’t remarried, nor am I dating at present. Sharing my story with someone I choose to be intimate with will be a challenge for me. As for now, I am focusing more on myself and my own continued journey. I live a lonely life because I usually need to hide who I am. Not everyone would accept someone who once suffered from MPD/DID. For me, it’ll be important to be honest from the start because there’s a book out about me. I don’t wish to hurt anyone.

If I should meet someone of importance and wish to have an intimate connection, I will need to take the chance and tell him the truth about myself. If he should choose not to continue our relationship, then the relationship wasn’t meant to be. I have much faith and love to give, if given the chance. Maybe someday there’ll be a special man who can love me for being me, despite the victim I once was.

My ex-husband also was turned off when I revealed my past abuse. This broke my heart, and made me feel less of a woman. I believe if any man, as in your case, who says he is “turned off” when you share your story of abuse, then he never deserved your love in the first place. No man has the right to judge you. Please don’t allow any man to hurt you. Take care of yourself first.

Wishing you happiness,

Karen