Comment by D.K. on 18 Feb 2012 at 12:59 pm

Hi Karen,

I noticed there was a previous question regarding your intimacy in the sex department. I am curious about that to. Do you find dating a challenge? Are you dating? What happened the first time you had sexual relations after integration? Think of my asking as curious minds want to know and not intended to be an insulting inquisition.

Dear D.K.,

Please see my answer to Jack’s question. In addition, I do not find dating a challenge, nor do I shy away when asked. However, I do not search for intimacy. I find that I don’t need it, and though I would love to meet someone, dating is not a high priority for me. I’m happy to be just me and if the opportunity should present itself, I’m willing and able to enjoy a date.

Regarding sexual relations after integration, that’s personal and though I do not mind sharing my life, there are some things that one needs to keep private, and this is one of them. But I can share that it is possible to find pleasure after abuse. My abuse happened in my past. I choose to live in the present.

Thank you for your question.

Karen

Comment by Bendito on 16 Feb 2012 at 4:09 pm

Hi karen.

I finished reading your book and my question is do you think you were addicted to abuse? When you went from being an abuse ridden child to an abused wife did it seems that being abused was a comfort to you or was there another reason you think you found yourself yet again in a similar scenario?

Dear Bendito,

No. I do not think I am or was ever addicted to abuse. My relationship with my husband was once wonderful. My being abused by my husband came many years into our marriage after I became ill and he turned to alcohol to console himself. As his alcohol consumption increased he became verbally abusive first, then when that didn’t seem to affect me, he turned to physically abusing me. When my husband was not under the influence of alcohol he was kind, funny, supportive, and a pleasure to be around. When I met my husband, he appeared to be totally opposite of my father. That’s what attracted me to him. I never felt my husband would abuse me. Sadly, chaos and my illness caused pain that he could not deal with, so he changed. He had a choice and made the wrong one. He never sought help for himself.

Please know that as a once victim I tried my best to search for someone not abusive, but sometimes it’s hard to spot a wolf in sheep’s clothing.

Thank you for your question,

Karen

Comment by Jack on 16 Feb 2012 at 3:51 pm

I have a frank question and without meaning to insult you would like to know if you ever recovered sexually after the horrific abuse you suffered? Do you fear intimacy? Have you been sexually active since integration of your many parts? If you are, how is that going for you? I would love to hear that all is well and forseeable. My heart aches after reading your book. I hope you find happiness with a nice man who sees past your past and accepts the amazingly blessed woman you are. Blessings to you.

Jack

Dear Jack,

Nice of you to ask these questions in the respectful way that you have.  I’m not offended. Though I do understand how one may wonder about my finding intimacy after hearing my story, it’s important to know that there is recovery when one chooses to let go of the past and live in the present, while looking forward to a future free from being a victim.

Regarding recovering from sexual abuse. Yes, I have. I do not connect my past experience of being sexually abused to my present life experiences. I do not fear intimacy and look forward to meeting and engaging in pleasant experiences. All is well and it’s important for me to find relationships that are built on respect, love, and caring. I do not engage in demeaning or toxic relationships. As far as whether I’ve met someone special, not yet, but that does not mean I don’t look forward to meeting someone who will compliment my life.

Experiencing love after being abused is possible.

Thank you for caring… and for your blessings.

Karen

Comment by Chloe on 15 Feb 2012 at 9:41 pm

Heard you on Sam’s All Things Relevant radio show last night. I love the way you are at ease in answering the craziest questions. I live in New Jersey and listened to you before. Everytime I listen I learn some good advice. I am not a multiple but live pretending not to be an abused woman which kinds reminds me of separating like you did. I reallllly like you, Karen. Thank you! Good night.

Dear Chloe,

Thank you! I’m at ease because I find no question odd or intimidating. I understand people are curious and it’s interesting to me what questions they asked. Just when I thought I had answered every question imaginable, another question comes through and amazes me. There’s never a lack of answers. I answer each question individually and never look back to previously answered questions. That way I don’t need to worry about coming up with similar answers. There is always only one answer, mine. I do my best and do not feel overwhelmed by the questions asked, crazy or not.

Thank you for listening to Sam’s radio show. I share about once every month or two. I enjoy Sam and her friendship! I am glad to hear you listen and always learn something new.

Wishing you all my best!

Karen

Comment by Lisa on 15 Feb 2012 at 9:29 pm

Hi Karen,

I love your book. I applaud your recovery from such abuse. You (all of you) are an inspiration to all.

I grew up roughly in the same area as you (south side of Chicago area) roughly the same time you did.

Thank you for sharing your story.

Dear Lisa,

Thank you, for applauding my recovery! Please know that it took a team to help me survive. I’m grateful to have had the best care from my psychiatrist, my alters, and more recently an entire network of supportive friends. Growing up in the south side of Chicago had its ups and downs, but I was fortunate to have found some inspiration among chaos.

The neighborhood I lived in as a child was once beautiful and there were some kind people who prayed for me all the time. Sadly, back then no one knew what to do about what they saw, were afraid to make waves, and ignored obvious signs that I was in trouble. Life is different these days.  There’s much more awareness about abuse and most people are no longer afraid to speak up. I feel encouraged to know children are learning how to defend themselves by sharing and seeking help. It’s amazing the self-confidence gained when children are taught about abuse and know it is wrong. I didn’t have that advantage.

It’s not the neighborhood that makes bad things happen, it’s the few sick people who hurt children and are not caught that can ruin the reputation of an otherwise wonderful beautiful area to grow up.  My abusers should have been caught early on, instead they hid in plain sight without anyone paying attention to them. No one stepped up and helped the children they very well knew were being abused. That was sad.

Thank you for sharing!

Karen

Comment by Texas Admirer on 14 Feb 2012 at 8:24 pm

Karen,

I don’t mean to write in an inappropriate way though I needed to share that you have touched my heart and so many as you read your testimony at Celebrate Recovery. Without my writing more just realize you have made so many people feel hope. Thank you for having the courage to tell your testimony in our town. God has blessed us with you and we won’t let you go. Peace sister.

Dear Texas Admirer,

Thank you for sharing that you were present for my testimony at Celebrate Recovery. I’m glad to have found Celebrate Recovery when I arrived in Texas. I knew my moving from Chicago could be an overwhelming challenge on my journey to wholeness and believe it was faith that put me in the right place at the right time. I believe I landed right where I needed to be. I have found the most amazing compassionate caring family of friends I never thought possible.

Before moving to Texas I had never heard of Celebrate Recovery and I’m grateful to have found this Christ inspired healing group. I now call Texas my home. I feel blessed and filled with hope. I am also glad to hear that you feel blessed in knowing me and won’t let me go! It’s nice to feel I belong and to be considered “family” by all! Thank you!

Wishing you all my best!

God bless you!

Karen

Comment by Concoydu on 10 Feb 2012 at 6:15 pm

Hey Karen,

I just finished your book today. And I will probably go through all the answers you gave here (already done with a couple months) and will admire you even more with each day.

You ARE an inspiration, with the strength and love inside you. I am fascinated by you. What you’ve been through was not your fault, you did what you can do to cope. (On that page, it’s incredible what a mind is capable of.) But after everything, what fascinates more is you could became “one”. From the person that came into the office of Dr.Baer, you could have become this person who answers these mails from all around the world (I’m from Turkey by the way, it’s a proof how much you reached through).

Such a journey. Thank you so much for sharing this with us. I know little things can change so much in person, and anyone reading this can see the world from a different angle. I know I did. So, thank you.

With love,

Cansu

Dear Cancoydu,

You’re welcome! Greetings from me to you and yours in Turkey! Thank you so much so sharing with such confidence and joy! I’m touched by your kindness and feel inspired to continue doing my best to share and help bring encouragement to all on their personal journey to wellness. I’ve been blessed with an over abundance of great friends I’ve met through sharing my story around the world. I’ve never felt so much love as I do now. I wake each day feeling inspired to be my best self. I’m grateful to be alive and well and able to live a life I once thought impossible.

Thank you for caring!

Karen

Comment by Walter on 04 Feb 2012 at 2:03 pm

Karen, I can’t begin to put what I have to say in words. I have a friend who claimed to be a mpd woman and in dating her I have discovered many strengths but didn’t believe in the possibility of altering ones mind to shift into another person so I assumed she did things to seek my undivided attention BUT, a BIG HUGE BUT, in reading your story I have come to understand HER a whole lot better! Thank you child of God! I wish you a safe healthy beautiful future. I don’t know how you do it BUT bless you. Keep working Jesus walks with you, never doubt that!

Dear Walter,

I am touched by your kind thoughts and compliments, especially admitting that you once disbelieved your friends bizarre illness. That’s the main reason I felt that by sharing my story I could bring knowledge and understanding to a once incomprehensible illness.

Multiple Personality Disorder, now known as Dissociative Identity Disorder, has been deemed fake time and again. It’s time to acknowledge the truth about this disorder and bring awareness of what can happen to someone who has suffered so greatly that their mind needed to fragment to survive. I’m glad to hear you’re now able to understand your friend.

Thank you again for your blessings. It’s my hope I continue living a safe and wonderful future.

Wishing you all my best!

God bless you!

Karen

Comment by Vidhi Shah on 29 Jan 2012 at 11:21 am

Karen,

I just read “Switching Time” and I have my friends hooked on the book. I do not really have a question, but I do want to let you know, you are a strong, cool, and just an inspiring person.

Dear Vidhi Shah,

Thank you so much for your vote of confidence and feeling good about sharing my story with your friends! That means a lot to me. I’m touched that you believe me to be strong, cool, and inspiring! You most certainly have brought a smile to my face. Thank you kindly.

Wishing you all my best!

Karen

Comment by Sandra on 12 Jan 2012 at 10:52 pm

Dear Karen

You are a blessing to me! When I read your story I felt like God placed your in my world on purpose. I think you have an amazing message to share. I am feeling overwhelmed with gladness for you. Thank you, dear child of God. Knowing you inspires me to never ever give up.

Blessings sent your way.

Sandra

Dear Sandra,

Thank you for your kind thoughts! I believe we are all here for a reason and that reason is to love and learn from each other. Wisdom comes from knowledge shared when we listen with an open heart.  For me, sharing is just another way of helping myself heal. It takes time to heal and I’m grateful to be in a position to share with others and grow spiritually.

Blessings to you, too!

Karen