Comment by Gladys on January 7, 2009 1:13 am

Dear Karen,

I am a victim of child sexual abuse and after reading your book found my problems minuscule to yours. I felt your pain worse than mine. Why is this so? Thank you for sharing about your life. I have learned from you a great deal and it will help me with my own issues.

Gladys

Dear Gladys,

Please don’t downplay the childhood sexual abuse you suffered by comparing yours to mine or anyone else’s. Abuse is abuse, and I’m sure yours was as devastating to you as mine was to me. It doesn’t matter how horrific, how often, or how much pain was suffered at the hands of someone hurting you. I appreciate that you empathized with my pain after you have suffered yourself.

I am glad that you found reading and understanding Switching Time to be of help with your continued journey.  Please remember that my journey was written to bring a better understanding to an incomprehensible illness and to bring awareness of what can happen to a child repeatedly sexually abused.  If you haven’t already, please seek help with a qualified therapist, if you feel the need to.

Karen

Comment by Elvira on January 6, 2009 3:18 pm

Hi Karen,

Dates, do you remember all dates like Claireʼs date of abuse?  Today marks the 45th.anniversary of the day my father raped me at eight years old. I never forget this stupid date. What happened long ago tortures me till now. I am 53 years old tomorrow 7 Jan. I thought you may be helpful in sharing your secret of forgetting dates or how you get past the dates of pain. I am inspired by you. I never set foot in a therapists office. Itʼs to late for me but so many woman ache like me and you. What do you do with the dates?

Elvira

Dear Elvira,

Of course I remember some dates; it’s hard not to!  There are dates that trigger a memory of my past, such as Halloween, but I try to let these dates go. On the anniversary of any particular day that I suffered traumatic abuse there may be a few seconds of dark thoughts that trigger a dark memory, but I always try my best to remove these thoughts and move onto something more pleasant.  I refuse to dwell on the past anymore.  Why should any of us give power to an abuser because of a memory of being abused?  It will only bring us down.  I believe in remembering dates of accomplishments.  It’s these that are to be recognized and celebrated.

I can understand how the date you can never forget resurfaces over and over again. If I were you, I would try to do something different or fun on that date to begin to replace the old memory with a new, fresh one. I have fought hard to do this myself and it seems to work most of the time.  It is possible. Please don’t give up.

May I suggest you seek some professional advice?  It’s never, ever, too late to seek help!  Please do!  It’s very important to gain a sense of closure for yourself.  Whatever it takes to rid these memories that torture must come from within you. You can accomplish peace, with help, and letting go.

Wishing you a safe journey,

Karen

Comment by Curious on January 5, 2009 12:40 am

I read about you after looking up a show on IMDb. I think the book written by you and Richard Baer provides the best description of a true multiple personality case. I have read other unbelievable books on this disorder which haven’t clearly explained this illness like the book Switching Time. I am sure you are real. I question one thing. When you viewed the United States of Tara first preview episode how did your case compare and differ? Were there similarities? I noticed a few from the book. I read your alter Holden was a bowler and left handed like Buck. Did you sell parts of your book to this show? What is the single most important part of you that you are willing to share to help others who live with family members who have alters?

Dear Curious,

Thank you for visiting our Web site!  And thank you for your compliments on our book providing the best description of a true multiplicity case.  I have visited the Internet Movie Data Base blog (IMDb) for “The United States of Tara” and yes, viewed the first episode online.  I found the show entertaining and interesting!

Regarding the similarities you’ve read in Switching Time compared to “The United States of Tara,” I believe these were simply coincidental.  It’s true my ex-alter Holdon was left handed and bowled a great game, but that didn’t define him.  Bowling was simply one small part of Holdon’s being.  And no, we havn’t sold any parts of our book to this show.

There were definite differences, however.  My alters were not as overwhelming or extreme as in the show.  I believe they made a number of exaggerations because it’s a television show.  When I switched into an alternate personality, the shift was subtle as in when “Tara” entered her car after defending her daughter.  If I would’ve entered my car in distress, another alter would’ve come out and taken over, similar to what Tara did, and hopefully get me home safely.  Another difference is my children didn’t acknowledge my alters by individual names, interact with, or know them as viewed on this show. There are far many more differences than not. This show is not about Switching Time.

If you are living with someone with multiplicity, I think the most important thing to remember is to try your best not to criticize, judge, or accuse this person.  This type of negativity may trigger an alter switch, which can cause an unpredictability for both the family and the multiple.  Alters don’t usually come out unless some part is threatened.

Accept each alter as an individual, without paying too much attention to the craziness each alter may cause. Downplaying stresses prevents alter chaos.  I believe my survival through eighteen years of therapy was due to Dr. Baer’s treating each alter in the same manner, keeping the alters calm by being consistent, respecting and recognizing their individuality, without becoming overly anxious or fearing them.

Thank you for your thought provoking questions.

Karen

Comment by Annette Brown on January 2, 2009 2:53 pm

Hi Karen,

Why haven’t I heard about you before today? I am suffering from DID and my therapist suggests a few books for me to read, they made me worse. Twenty hours ago my friend gave me a belated BD gift, Switching Time, and boy how it helped me more then the books my therapist gave me. I finished reading it in a day and if it were cuddly I’d sleep with it tonight. I know sounds strange but I’m not psychotic. I am finding in your story that it gave me comfort and knowledge about my own life. I was abused too. I have pity parties with my alters everday. Did your therapist suggest you read any books while in therapy? You never mentioned it in the book. You made a difference to my life. I am feeling suicidal and selfish. Now I don’t want to be and will seek help like you’ve been telling us who are in despair and email you. I have an idea of what to do now. Thanks a lot. Can you explain why all DID therapists don’t know about this book?

Feeling crazy but not.

Annette Brown

Dear Annette,

I’m not sure why you haven’t heard about Switching Time until recently. We surely have had some excellent publicity!  Dr. Baer or I appeared on Good Morning America, Eye on Chicago, in Newsweek Magazine, Chicago Magazine, Grazia in the UK, and several others. There has been much publicity, but I know it’s still easy to miss, considering how much media there is out there.

I’m not sure what to say about your therapist suggesting books on MPD for you to read.  Dr. Baer never suggested any books for me to read, and I’m glad he didn’t.  Maybe in your therapy your therapist felt this would be helpful.  Although I am not a therapist and can’t give advice, I disagree with giving this type of reading to those who are trying to heal.  I believe if I would’ve read anything on multiplicity during the course of my treatment, it could have disturbed or misdirected my own personal healing process.

But I’m glad to hear that in Switching Time you have found comfort and knowledge regarding your illness. Please don’t be hard on yourself.  My alters experienced many of their own pity parties during my therapeutic years.  I have felt suicidal at many times, and like you, searched for someone who could help make a difference in my life.  I was fortunate to have found Dr. Baer.  I believe that through sharing our story, Switching Time, we will eventually reach most therapists who may be treating someone with a dissociative illness or are simply interested in learning more.

Thank you for your interest.

Karen

Comment by Rocky on January 2, 2009 4:44 am

Dear Karen,

I have read your story and I cannot begin to understand the horrors you endured as a child. I am truly sorry no one came to your aid. I write to you today because I am around children a lot of the time, especially girls. I want to be aware of what I need to look for in these kids as signs of abuse. In the book you mention kids that are withdrawn into their self. What are some other signs I can look for? I really appreciate any insight you can offer. I want to thank you for allowing your story to be told and I wish you all the best.

Rocky

Dear Rocky,

Thank you for your kind thoughts and for caring about all children.  It’s true no one paid attention to the signs I may have displayed as an abused child, and I believe many signs were ignored out of ignorance.  I felt different than other children.  I never seemed to fit in.  While my classmates and friends laughed, played, and enjoyed the simplicity of being a child, I couldn’t.  I always wondered how most of them were able to be free and live their lives without the fear.  I appeared distant, insecure, and sad most of the time.  I can’t really explain all that made me different, but one thing that comes to mind is the constant feeling of being unclean, unloved, and ugly.  I believe these traits caused my sadness, and truthfully, who would want to be friends with someone who is sad all the time?  Should these signs have been noticed and inquired about by the adults around me?  I think so.

I am not a therapist and can’t give advice.  I can share what I’ve experienced and what I believed to be signs. In my opinion, based on my past, I believe some of the signs to watch for are children with low self esteem, children who appear sad and withdrawn, children who are jumpy when approached, and those afraid to look you in the eye.  Be aware of children who are constantly on the defense and always make excuses because they feel guilty about everything.  I needed to be perfect out of fear of being further abused.  I would blame myself for everything and always apologized, even when not at fault.

There are other signs that are more sexual in nature.  Some abused children have adult-like thoughts that are misunderstood and may be acted upon.  Some children may inappropriately want to touch you, and become hurt if you reject them.

It is my hope some of this may help. There are many more resources on this topic you can find with little trouble.  What’s most important is to be the caring adult, pay attention, and be aware.  It’s important not to jump to conclusions and accuse anyone without facts, but when a child does share that he or she has been abused, never ignore what the child tells you.  I believe children don’t make up stories of being abused unless they were.

Thank you for caring about the lives of the children you work with.

Karen

Comment by Ben on January 1, 2009 12:23 am

Hey Karen!

I can’t believe you actually answer questions and make comments. that is cool! I have been following your posts and you intrigue me. What the hell is going on with Switching Time? I read it and tried to buy it from seven book stores and they didn’t have it in stock. I was told they took special orders and hold it when it comes in for three days. I know this must suck for Richard Baer and you but the book is great and really should be readily available. Well, couldn’t wait and ordered three from Amazon.com to have a spare to share. Thanks much for writing your experiences for the world to learn about dissociation.

Ben

Maine

Dear Ben,

Yes, I will continue to answer questions here and through interviews. I enjoy doing this, and enjoy making comments with all good intentions to help. I am not a professional therapist and can only answer these questions with my own opinion, but I believe it’s important to help everyone understand the effects of child abuse and dissociation.

I don’t understand why it’s hard to find Switching Time in some bookstores.  It’s available in stores such as Barnes & Noble, Borders, and many more.  Most stores I’ve checked out carry a few books at a time, and only reorder after the last book is sold.  It will usually take a few days for more books to come in.  I can see how this would frustrate someone who wishes to read our book, or any book, decide to buy it, and then find the book is not readily available.  I’ve had luck ordering books on-line, too, and usually receive my choice within a few days.  Usually I’d prefer to shop in a book store, spend time looking around, maybe sit down over tea for a few minutes of quiet, just to enjoy the atmosphere.

Dr. Baer and I am grateful for each book sold, and it continues to be our hope that through Switching Time, our story will provide insight for those seeking guidance about their own therapeutic journey.

Thank you for buying three books to share!

Karen

Comment by Jayne to Frustrated Nellie on December 30, 2008 4:37 am

I have discussed this concern with my therapist many times. She has very patiently explained to several of us that when we were very small and the abuse was happening this was the only coping mechanism we had, we did this to survive–we now have many alternative coping mechanisms that we have learned in therapy and we also have the cognitive abilities of an adult available to help us cope with stressful and/or traumatic situations. She indicates the likelihood of creating new alters or resurrecting ones that have already been integrated is very small.

Dear Jayne,

Thank you for your comment to Frustrated Nellie, and asking your therapist about the possibility of resurrecting alters once they’re integrated.

Karen

Comment by Jayne on December 30, 2008 4:27 am

I am currently working with a woman therapist who has a definite attitude! However it is her strength and confidence in me that helps me get through these very difficult sessions. I am in the middle of my fourth year of therapy with her (twice a week) and am just starting to get some of the memories from my alters and beginning the process of being aware of what goes on when the alters are out! I have a long way and a rough road ahead of me, Thank God for these wonderful therapists who have the patience, strength perseverance to help us through this painful process.

Dear Jayne,

Thank you for your comment to Cassie. I agree, having a wonderful therapist who has the patience, strength, and perseverance to help one along is vital for the journey towards healing.  I am grateful I found Dr. Baer and we worked well together.  It’s important to have confidence in your therapist.

Karen

Comment by Winston on December 30, 2008 2:10 am

Hey, Karen, Didn’t mean to think this was your only job. Your kind of different that’s why you interest me and my fellow workers. It would be great to see you tell people off instead of being so damn kind hearted. Which leads to my question. Do you ever get angry and pissed off at people other than the people who abused you? Where did you get your kind way from if all you experienced was abuse? People piss me off every day, what about you? What do you do?

Winston

Dear Winston,

Don’t worry, I wasn’t offended by your question.  I know it may appear I’m different, but really I’m not.  I have the same ups and downs like everyone else.  I do the best I can to answer all the questions asked here.  Answering these questions is important to me.

I’m too kind hearted?  Maybe.  This is just the way I am.  It’s not in my nature to be cruel.  I believe by being kind I can make a difference to all those who suffer.  I’ve dealt with my past through eighteen years of therapy and have survived some horrific abuse.  If I had maintained the anger of my past, I wouldn’t have healed, and my abusers would’ve won in their attempt to kill my spirit.  I have very little anger left in me.

Of course I get pissed off at times–doesn’t everyone?  I’m no different.  The only difference is I may have tended to hold my anger inside, and that can cause me distress.  Dr. Baer may be the only one who has ever experienced any of my true past hidden anger.  I’m not sure.

Through many years of therapy, I’ve learned there’s a time and place to express anger, where and when to vent it properly, and to try my best never to express anger in an inappropriate manner.  What will being openly angry prove anyway?  For me, it will cause unnecessary panic and anxiety.  When I feel angry I try to compose myself and walk away.

Thank you for your concern and questions.

Karen

Comment by Max on December 29, 2008 5:19 pm

Hi, Karen..

I have to say, your story is one of the most powerful, if not THE single most powerful I have ever read in my life. To think what you had to go through makes all my trials in life seem trivial. I’m so amazed and inspired by your ability to pull through and come out as a content, wholly-functioning person after years and years of hell on earth. Your tale is certainly one filled with tragedies, but it makes it all the more powerful to find how you survived it all and turned your life into something pleasant at last.. and I admire that greatly. I really do.. having suffered clinical depression and anxiety disorder stemming from but a few instances of people who treated me badly, I cannot imagine how hard that had to be.

I just had a little question, and it might seem silly, but I am curious and I haven’t seen it asked here yet: Did Jensen like Shel Silverstein’s book Where The Sidewalk Ends? Because he seems to have redrawn some illustrations out of that book right from memory, like the head-on-top-of-the-head and the bandaged Miles. I’m wondering if it was an inspiration for you as a whole, or more specifically just for that alter, and what other roles it might’ve played. I’m just curious because it was one of my favourite books as a kid, and that’s how I recognised some of the characters.

It’s so interesting, because the poems in the book and the drawings re-created that originally went with those poems are completely different; I’m fascinated with how other works of art might “hit” someone when they first see it.

Dear Max,

Thank you for your compliments! I’m sorry to hear you suffered from depression and anxiety.  I know how being treated badly can cause emotional illness.  As I continue my journey to wellness, each day brings something new for me to learn about myself.  I continue to have a bad day now and then, but when I do, I try to remember where I came from, remember my old inner pain, and seek a few moments of gladness to get me through.

Your question about Jensen is definitely not a silly one!  It’s a question I continue to ask myself.  My ex-alter, Jensen, was an eleven year old boy who loved to draw, paint, and create a world of color for me.  I wish I knew where his inspiration came from.  I understand that children copy drawings from books; I just never knew whether Jensen did this.  I’ve always felt uncomfortable sharing any art by Jensen because I didn’t feel I could claim it as my own.

I don’t recall the book you are referring to, but I will definitely check it out.  I believe Jensen may have been inspired by many children’s books.  I’m always interested in finding out where my mind came up with everything.

There are many things my alters have done that amazed me and left me wondering where their thoughts and ideas, including the way they chose to survive, came from.  I guess that is one of the great mysteries of multiplicity.  Anything’s possible.  For me, what’s most important is that through Jensen’s creative ways, I grew to enjoy and express myself through art.

Thank you for your insight, it may very well help me come to a better understanding of my ex-alter, Jensen.

Karen