Comment by Professor on October 21, 2008 10:38 pm

Have to review your book! Incredible! Overwhelming! Powerful! Honorable! Hopeful! Encouraging! Irresistable! Inconceivable! Invincible! I know there’s more words to describe this book! I could go on and on. Your mind, Karen and Richard Baer’s mind must have been in constantly challenged! Richard Baer is genius! Karen is brilliant! Two souls merging together to figure out the impossible, integration. Two minds, one journey, you both make the psych world more interesting.

Professor

Dear Professor,

What a joy to read such a wonderful review!  Thank you very much, you made my day!  Dr. Baer and I truly appreciate your comments!  I am glad to hear you believe in our story and that it makes the psych world more interesting.  The mind is very complex and fascinating!   It’s amazing and interesting; I learn more each day.

It’s true, the therapeutic relationship Dr. Baer and I shared was intense and difficult.  We were both constantly challenged.  My healing took a long time.  Dr. Baer’s strength eventually rubbed off on me and together we were able to accomplish an inconceivable once in a lifetime journey. 

Thank you again for all your compliments. 

Karen

Comment by Lucy 52 on October 21, 2008 7:17 pm

Hi Karen,

No, No, No, No, No, No, No, No, No, No, No, No, No, one Yes from me, My name is Lucy I am an alter suffering in Wilma from mpd. I am the only one of 14 alters who wants to integrate. No one else wants to. My core person is Wilma and she read your book. When she read your book we could read it to. Wilma told her therapist who told her your story was a croc of shit. I don’t agree. I agree that integration will help us. The others now hate me and the book caused a major problem to me. I found this site when looking for you. What could I do to convince the others? I can’t rest. Wilma’s therapist won’t listen to us alters. Claims we shouldn’t be heard. Your doctor talked with all the parts so why is Wilma’s doctor saying he won’t?

Wilma’s alter,
Lucy 52

Dear Lucy 52,

I’m sorry that you are in an awkward position within your system.  Being an alter in disagreement with your partner alters can be very stressful.  Please know that some of my alters fought in the same way.  Not all agreed when integration became a possible solution.  Changing the mindset of all  the alters within Wilma will take time.  There were many steps Dr. Baer had to take in order to even suggest integration.  It took time for each alter to build trust and be confidant in the greater purpose for which they each were born.  As a child, each of my alters had a job to do, but as an adult there was no need for these same duties to be performed.  After a while, during therapy, one by one, they accepted that integration was the best choice for us all to become one.

I believe Wilma read Switching Time because she is interested in getting well.  I’m not sure why Wilma’s therapist is adamant and refuses to believe in Dr. Baer’s treatment and my healing.  It’s hard to know why his opinions of my story are so strong when he doesn’t really know anything about it.  I hope he at least reads Switching Time before making another judgment and sharing his pessimism with his patients.

Thank you for sharing with me. I believe the others inside you are just frightened and fear integration, as my alters once did.  These feelings may pass as understanding is accomplished.

I wish all of you a safe journey to wholeness.

Karen 

Comment by secretshadows on October 17, 2008 1:37 am

Karen,
I just finished reading the book about your healing journey. It was so very touching. I admire your strength, and the persistence with which your system stuck to the task of healing. I also have DID. I am not a survivor of Ritual Abuse, but there were some aspects of your history that I could identify with. I really, really like the artwork provided by Jensen at the end of the book. The picture of Karl speaks volumes!!! And the one with the stars is heartwarming. How awesome that must be for you to have this record of your journey! I can’t even imagine what it is like for you to look back on it all. I am at the beginning stages of my therapy. I was diagnosed a little over a year ago. I wasn’t totally new to the idea. I had been diagnosed “dissociative” in the past, but never had it clarified, and wasn’t really treated for it. I was mostly just stabalized at the time. I read the chapters on integration of the alters, and I was just in awe. I wonder how that’s even possible, but I know it is. It’s really hard when that’s all you know. I could identify, some, with the feeling at the end of being “alone”. I worry about that myself, but I know I am very far from that point and may feel differently when I get there.

Your story is an inspiration. I just wanted to come here and let you know how I felt about reading your story, and tell you that you are definitely reaching people with this text.

Secret Shadows

Dear Secret Shadows,

I truly appreciate all that you have shared.  It’s nice to hear that my story is reaching people.  I can empathize with how you are feeling early in therapy.  It was difficult for me, too!  I never thought I would survive and comtemplated giving up more than a few times.  But I wasn’t alone; there were parts of me that were stronger, and their persistence paid off.  One of my alters sought help and found Dr. Baer.  Of course, there were alters that tried to sabatoge any good thing, but I believe these efforts were caused by fear and not meant to hurt me.

Being diagnosed and in treatment with a dissociative disorder is time consuming and takes patience.  Dr. Baer was a blessing.  He kept me calm and allowed me to call him when I wasn’t.  I always tried to be fair and not take up too much of his time, but he knew in treating me would be draining.  For many years I survived from one session to the next, and from one call to the next.  If it weren’t for Dr. Baer’s care, I surely wouldn’t be here.

My strength and persistence came from knowing that someone cared. My alters stuck to the therapy because Dr. Baer was a great therapist and had gained their trust.  I believe all my alters were on the same side and wanted me well. The period of abuse I suffered in a ritualistic way was minor compared to the many years I suffered at the hands of my father and grandfather, who went through many phases of different ways they could hurt me. The ritualistic period was not long but enough to damage my spirit more.

Thank you for all your compliments on Jensen’s drawings. All of these drawings have a special meaning to me, more than words can say.  My alters are gone now; they are within me, and I am very happy to have all that has been written and the pictures I’ve drawn to hold on to.  I admit, it’s overwhelming for me to look back sometimes.  I try to look forward.  And when I need reassurance of how far I’ve come, I look back and see a world I no longer wish to be a part of.

During my therapy I needed to be stabilized before the real work could begin.  Integration was accomplished and succeeded after building trust, feeling content, and believing it was possible to survive.  I had to first re-establish the faith that was stolen from me as a child.  Dr. Baer helped me with all of this.  I know integration seems impossible, but it really did work for me.  I was very afraid to be alone without alter help after integration.  Realizing that all my alters were a part of me and not removed from me helped me understand the necessity of integration.  I wasn’t functioning well with switching and losing time.  I am now one woman with multiple talents learning to live my life the best way I can.  There are days I miss having an alter. Then I really think back to the chaos and realize my life wasn’t working with alter help.

Thank you again for writing in. I have visited your website and am glad to know there is more information being shared about dissociative disorders.

Karen

Comment by Anonymous on October 20, 2008 10:49 pm

Dear Karen,

It seems to me you understand everybody. This is a multiple’s talent. Were you the same before integration? I am at a loss for words after reading your story. I can’t even describe all that I feel. You touched me. Thank you for giving the world a glimpse into your world.

BB

Dear BB,

Thank you for your compliments. I am glad to hear my story touched you and left you speechless. I try my best to be empathetic to everyone. I believe being attuned to everyone is a gift. Maybe this is a “mulltiple” talent, I’m not sure.  I don’t know anyone personally who suffered from multiplicity like me.

I do make mistakes sometimes when I try to be understanding. I pick up sadness in others. There have been times I was wrong and felt to blame for whatever hurt someone else was feeling when most likely it had nothing to do with me. Being this way, at times, can be a disadvantage. I try my best not to read into something that’s not there.

I care about everyone. At my job I need to try my best to be a good listener. I have always been like this. I remember being this way even when my alters were present.

Karen

Comment by Male 3rd. on October 20, 2008 9:44 pm

All parents are to blame for their children being abused in the event they are. I am not digusting I am normal like all men. God forbid any parent takes their own blame for not being a parent. I begged the parents not to leave with me the girl I was sentenced for abusing. I told them I don’t like kids but they were in need of my help. The girl kept jumping on me what was I supposed to do? I told her to shut up and she went quiet. I won’t ever be hurting a child again, it wasn’t worth it. I pay the price everyday. STOP calling me a child molestor.

Dear ?,

I don’t believe you begged the parents of the little girl you abused not to leave you alone with her. Did you tell them you felt like sexually abusing their daughter?  I think not. You are digusting.  And yes, you are a convicted child molester who hadn’t served enough time in prison for the crime you commited.  I believe this little girls parents trusted you or they wouldn’t have asked for your help. You not only destroyed this little girl’s innocence, you also destroyed her parent’s faith in you.

How dare you write that this little girl was jumping on you!  Are you saying she wanted to be abused?  You are perverted!  What were you suppose to do?  Be a man, gently push her away and do the right thing.  Obviously your mind can’t understand what you’ve done.  You were the adult and should’ve acted appropriately.  Since you acted on your own immature sexual impulses, you are sick and definitely not rehabilitated. Therefore, you continue to have the mindset of a child molester even after you served five years. You are not well. Please seek help.

Karen

Comment by Peter on October 19, 2008 7:24 pm

Dear Karen and Richard Baer,

What an amazing team you both are! Great addition to an illness that lacks real information. I have read many versions of this illness and not one left me with understanding it as you wrote it. My mother has been diagnosed with a dissociative disorder and when she’s feeling good all is good, when she feels bad watch out for anything goes. I am her son and love her. My questions are: How did your children react when you felt good and when under pressure? Did your children know how to diffuse you? Does Dr. Baer know how to diffuse you?

Peter

Dear Peter,

Thank you for your compliment on Switching Time being a great addition to an illness that once lacked information.  It is our hope we were able to contribute more to the medical field through the sharing of our story. It’s good to hear our book gave you understanding.

Thank you also for sharing that your mother was diagnosed with a dissociative disorder.  I can empathize with you.  It’s important to maintain a sense of calm around your mom so that she can feel at ease with you and her illness and heal.

Stress, for me, aggravated and frustrated me to the point of inner chaos.  In the past, this would be a time when I’d dissociate.  Now, after integration, I try to find a way to calm myself.   This is hard to do at times, but my agitation now never lasts longer than an hour.

My children knew that I felt much better and was able to function better when calm. Of course, as with all children, they couldn’t possibly be calm all the time.

My children knew how to diffuse me by coming close, simply smiling, and lowering their voices.  Dr. Baer also had a way of diffusing me from any chaos that I brought into our therapy, and continues to have this ability since integration. As with my children, Dr. Baer knew that speaking to me in a calm way, while explaining what I didn’t understand, would make me feel respected and cared for, and all anxiety my would disappear.  I believe fear is at the root of all that distressed me.  I would panic or switch when I was afraid and felt threatened.

Karen

Comment by Stanley L. on October 17, 2008 12:03 am

Karen, Was your past experience of abuse related to interracial relationships with different cultures and ethnicities that resided in your old neighborhood? Could this be reason for your father’s prejudices in lieu of creating a black alter? How did your father’s racism effect your view on all ethnicities? Of what race and decent are you? Stanley

Dear Stanley,

My past experience of abuse wasn’t related to interracial relationships.  My parents were both white and my abusers were white.  Abuse doesn’t happen in any particular culture or ethnicity; it can happen anywhere. My father and grandfather were the most prejudiced men I’ve ever known.  I chose to be different.  My mind created a black alter to protect me from being prejudiced.  As a child I believed I was part black.

I am not a prejudiced person.  I believe we are all God’s children.  I believe my black alter was a blessing and taught me to be open to everyone.

Thank you for your questions,

Karen

Comment by Bob on October 19, 2008 2:34 am

Dear Karen,

If you were to guess on how many real cases of your illness there are how many would you guess? What makes you a recovered case? Can your make another alter? I bet you can. Will you consider trying to create another identity to deal with something new that hasn’t come up yet? I would like to know how to create an alter. I need a partner to blame for my faults.

BOB

Dear Bob,

I have no idea how many cases of real MPD/DID have been diagnosed.  My guess would be not as many as are claimed to be.  My journey and therapeutic relationship with Dr. Baer was unique. Dr. Baer completely documented everything we did for over eighteen years, a whole file cabinet’s worth!  I think we have the first complete, start to finish, documented journey of the life of a true multiple and her therapy with her doctor.

Can I make another alter?  I don’t think so.  I have no idea how my mind created my alters when I was a child.  And I haven’t tried to create another alternate personality to help me along in the event something new would resurface. Why would I?  The alters are all integrated within me; and though life can hurt at times, I try to use my own one self to deal with problems that come along. My alters were not created for me to blame for my own faults.

Please don’t make fun of wanting an alter to blame for the faults you created on your own.  Having multiple personality disorder is no laughing matter.  It’s hell.

Thank you for your questions,

Karen

Comment by Judy on October 19, 2008 2:18 am

Hi Karen,
Reading answers and the questions asked of you has become a daily event for me. I have you in my favorites and if I miss a few days I have to catch up. I think you should put all these answers and questions in a cliff note or book. I find you addicting, well, your writing and answers. The child molester creeped me out as well as Dennis from awhile ago. How does your doctor feel about all this? Is he pissed? I mean with you answering questions and not him. I hope he doesn’t hate you. If anything he should be loving you more or kissing the ground you walk on.

Judy 

Dear Judy,

It’s nice to hear that you return to our site daily.  Thank you for putting us in your “favorites”!  That means a lot to me.  I know there have now been quite a few questions answered here.  Maybe someday someone will put them all together in the form of a book… that would be nice.

The child molester and Dennis were two intense comments.  I can understand why they creeped you out, they creeped me out, too!  What’s most important is that they chose to write and show the world that there are people out there who are part of the problem, and not part of the solution. But each question asked here deserves an answer.  I would rather the question be asked than harbored and later acted upon.

Dr. Baer supports my answering the questions here.  He reads every question and answer, and he doesn’t get pissed off.  My answering these questions not only helps me by allowing my voice to be heard, it helps him and our book be better understood.

Karen

Comment by Emmie on October 19, 2008 1:25 am

Dear Karen,

I was so impressed with your survival. I would love to meet you and the doctor Richard Baer. I have a million thoughts on how your mind survived. Most questions have been answered except for one. When you suspect someone is being abused in any shape of form, child or adult, do you get sick to your stomach? I was abused too and seem to have this way about me and was curious if you do too?

Emmie

Dear Emmie,

Thank you for your kind thoughts.  If there is a time when Dr. Baer and I will be attending a seminar or something similar, we will post the information here.  I appreciate you wishing to meet us in person.

I can understand why you’re having a million thoughts on how my mind survived.  I hope through reading Switching Time and through my answers on these pages, you are receiving the answers to your thoughts and questions.  If not, please ask them here.

I’m sorry to hear you were abused.  I believe all victims of abuse have a way of sensing danger ahead of time.  I am highly attuned to the feelings of others, especially feelings of hurt.  It can be exhausting and leaves me feeling anxious.  I do get sick to my stomach at times, just like you do.  But being aware of the hurts of others is something we all should be.

Thank you for your questions,

Karen