Comment by Peter on October 19, 2008 7:24 pm

Dear Karen and Richard Baer,

What an amazing team you both are! Great addition to an illness that lacks real information. I have read many versions of this illness and not one left me with understanding it as you wrote it. My mother has been diagnosed with a dissociative disorder and when she’s feeling good all is good, when she feels bad watch out for anything goes. I am her son and love her. My questions are: How did your children react when you felt good and when under pressure? Did your children know how to diffuse you? Does Dr. Baer know how to diffuse you?

Peter

Dear Peter,

Thank you for your compliment on Switching Time being a great addition to an illness that once lacked information.  It is our hope we were able to contribute more to the medical field through the sharing of our story. It’s good to hear our book gave you understanding.

Thank you also for sharing that your mother was diagnosed with a dissociative disorder.  I can empathize with you.  It’s important to maintain a sense of calm around your mom so that she can feel at ease with you and her illness and heal.

Stress, for me, aggravated and frustrated me to the point of inner chaos.  In the past, this would be a time when I’d dissociate.  Now, after integration, I try to find a way to calm myself.   This is hard to do at times, but my agitation now never lasts longer than an hour.

My children knew that I felt much better and was able to function better when calm. Of course, as with all children, they couldn’t possibly be calm all the time.

My children knew how to diffuse me by coming close, simply smiling, and lowering their voices.  Dr. Baer also had a way of diffusing me from any chaos that I brought into our therapy, and continues to have this ability since integration. As with my children, Dr. Baer knew that speaking to me in a calm way, while explaining what I didn’t understand, would make me feel respected and cared for, and all anxiety my would disappear.  I believe fear is at the root of all that distressed me.  I would panic or switch when I was afraid and felt threatened.

Karen

Comment by Stanley L. on October 17, 2008 12:03 am

Karen, Was your past experience of abuse related to interracial relationships with different cultures and ethnicities that resided in your old neighborhood? Could this be reason for your father’s prejudices in lieu of creating a black alter? How did your father’s racism effect your view on all ethnicities? Of what race and decent are you? Stanley

Dear Stanley,

My past experience of abuse wasn’t related to interracial relationships.  My parents were both white and my abusers were white.  Abuse doesn’t happen in any particular culture or ethnicity; it can happen anywhere. My father and grandfather were the most prejudiced men I’ve ever known.  I chose to be different.  My mind created a black alter to protect me from being prejudiced.  As a child I believed I was part black.

I am not a prejudiced person.  I believe we are all God’s children.  I believe my black alter was a blessing and taught me to be open to everyone.

Thank you for your questions,

Karen

Comment by Bob on October 19, 2008 2:34 am

Dear Karen,

If you were to guess on how many real cases of your illness there are how many would you guess? What makes you a recovered case? Can your make another alter? I bet you can. Will you consider trying to create another identity to deal with something new that hasn’t come up yet? I would like to know how to create an alter. I need a partner to blame for my faults.

BOB

Dear Bob,

I have no idea how many cases of real MPD/DID have been diagnosed.  My guess would be not as many as are claimed to be.  My journey and therapeutic relationship with Dr. Baer was unique. Dr. Baer completely documented everything we did for over eighteen years, a whole file cabinet’s worth!  I think we have the first complete, start to finish, documented journey of the life of a true multiple and her therapy with her doctor.

Can I make another alter?  I don’t think so.  I have no idea how my mind created my alters when I was a child.  And I haven’t tried to create another alternate personality to help me along in the event something new would resurface. Why would I?  The alters are all integrated within me; and though life can hurt at times, I try to use my own one self to deal with problems that come along. My alters were not created for me to blame for my own faults.

Please don’t make fun of wanting an alter to blame for the faults you created on your own.  Having multiple personality disorder is no laughing matter.  It’s hell.

Thank you for your questions,

Karen

Comment by Judy on October 19, 2008 2:18 am

Hi Karen,
Reading answers and the questions asked of you has become a daily event for me. I have you in my favorites and if I miss a few days I have to catch up. I think you should put all these answers and questions in a cliff note or book. I find you addicting, well, your writing and answers. The child molester creeped me out as well as Dennis from awhile ago. How does your doctor feel about all this? Is he pissed? I mean with you answering questions and not him. I hope he doesn’t hate you. If anything he should be loving you more or kissing the ground you walk on.

Judy 

Dear Judy,

It’s nice to hear that you return to our site daily.  Thank you for putting us in your “favorites”!  That means a lot to me.  I know there have now been quite a few questions answered here.  Maybe someday someone will put them all together in the form of a book… that would be nice.

The child molester and Dennis were two intense comments.  I can understand why they creeped you out, they creeped me out, too!  What’s most important is that they chose to write and show the world that there are people out there who are part of the problem, and not part of the solution. But each question asked here deserves an answer.  I would rather the question be asked than harbored and later acted upon.

Dr. Baer supports my answering the questions here.  He reads every question and answer, and he doesn’t get pissed off.  My answering these questions not only helps me by allowing my voice to be heard, it helps him and our book be better understood.

Karen

Comment by Emmie on October 19, 2008 1:25 am

Dear Karen,

I was so impressed with your survival. I would love to meet you and the doctor Richard Baer. I have a million thoughts on how your mind survived. Most questions have been answered except for one. When you suspect someone is being abused in any shape of form, child or adult, do you get sick to your stomach? I was abused too and seem to have this way about me and was curious if you do too?

Emmie

Dear Emmie,

Thank you for your kind thoughts.  If there is a time when Dr. Baer and I will be attending a seminar or something similar, we will post the information here.  I appreciate you wishing to meet us in person.

I can understand why you’re having a million thoughts on how my mind survived.  I hope through reading Switching Time and through my answers on these pages, you are receiving the answers to your thoughts and questions.  If not, please ask them here.

I’m sorry to hear you were abused.  I believe all victims of abuse have a way of sensing danger ahead of time.  I am highly attuned to the feelings of others, especially feelings of hurt.  It can be exhausting and leaves me feeling anxious.  I do get sick to my stomach at times, just like you do.  But being aware of the hurts of others is something we all should be.

Thank you for your questions,

Karen

Comment by Sam on October 19, 2008 12:36 am

I read that you were a multiple mom. Did you hear about the show coming out about you. At least it should be your story. Who stole your story to do this? Are you suing?  Sam

Dear Sam,

Yes, I was a multiple mom, and always did my best to be a great mom.  I have many stories to share about being a multiple mom!  I have heard about a show coming out this Fall about a mom who suffers from multiple personality disorder, but haven’t seen the show or any reviews of it.  If there is a show, it isn’t about me.  Dr. Baer and I haven’t agreed to any show, at least not yet.  The show you may have heard about may be fictional and is not related to, or stolen from, our story, Switching Time. Therefore, no need to sue anyone.

Thank you for your compliment.  Dr. Baer and I would love to help with a project like this.

Karen

Comment by Richard N on October 19, 2008 12:31 am

Karen,

Absolutely fascinating book! After reading it I sat back and wondered where your mind took you for comfort when you were a child? What brought you enjoyment? What made you smile? What kept your mind from frying? What did you wish for back in those days? What could have caused you to end your life when you were young? What do you wish for these days? What would cause you to end your life these days?

You are a true miracle, stay well, keep talking, stay safe, keep well.

Richard

Dear Richard N,

Thank you for your compliment! And thank you for sitting back, after reading Switching Time, and taking a moment to wonder more about the child I was and how I made it into adulthood.  I know there are many guestions of why and how and what and where.

I haven’t thought much about these things.  Sometimes I would dream and fantasize that someone loved me and treated me nicely and took me traveling with them around the world. I gained moments of happiness watching some television shows such as Lawrence Welk, Lassie, Father Knows Best, My Three Sons, and many others that represented families that loved and cared for each other.

As a child, I believed I was meant to die; however, my alters prevented this from happening.  This actually frustrated me.  These days I wish for someone to really love me as I love them.

Thank you for believing in a true miracle.  This means a lot to me.  I will continue to try my best to keep sharing, stay safe, and be well.

Karen

Comment by Jack Raymond on October 18, 2008 2:21 am

Hello Karen,

Never before would a book make me question myself on what I would say were false memories caused by trauma and played out to be dissociative. I never before believed in this claimed illness. I would guess you needed extreme attention from someone and chose the doc who was gullible and needed someone like you to make him feel great about himself. A bit twisted but that’s what I thought when during a psych class assignment we were suggested to read Switching Time. I read the book and changed my mind completely. I will never again prejudge an illness or anyone claiming to have an illness until I know the facts. I for one believe in this illness, and the therapy that gave you life. On another note thank you for not boring us like the book Sybil. I read the book Sybil and found it hard to get into, poorly written and unbelievable. Switching Time should rise above Sybil. I hate reading, got into your book.

Jack Raymond

Dear Jack Raymond,

Why would anyone wish to spend eighteen years in therapy just to seek attention?  I could think of million more fun things to do with my time, energy, and money than to spend an hour or more per week pouring out unflattering stories of past childhood abuse. And I surely can’t conceive Dr. Baer needed my case to make himself feel great about himself.  My therapeutic relationship with Dr. Baer worked well because he already exuded confidence and I was attuned to this.

I am glad your college professor chose our book, Switching Time, to read as an assignment, and not just for you, but for all those who disbelieve.  I’m glad reading my story changed your opinion and hopefully any of your classmates that had the same preconceptions as you.  I am happy to hear you will no longer judge others for their disabilities before knowing all the details. We all have our strengths and faults and need to come to respect each other for who we are.  I didn’t choose to be abused or become a multiple.  It happened.  And I dealt with it in the best way I could.  I sought help, received it, and healed. With Dr. Baer’s help we accomplished the unbelievable task of integrating my alters so that I could live as one woman.

Thank you for believing in me, and for believing in the therapy that gave me life.  I haven’t read the book, Sybil in its entirety and can’t comment on whether this book was poorly written or unbelievable.  However, I do appreciate your sharing your thoughts and critique.

Karen

Comment by laura on October 18, 2008 7:15 am

Dear Karen and Dr. Baer,

Thank you for givng a rational voice to the horror of child molestation, abuse and incest. I am struggling with dissociative issues, have for a long time but find most of what is written about DID and dissociative experiences to be so bizarre I cannot embrace it I have been diagnosed with MPD, then DID after it was renamed, but it doesn’t matter what it’s called it is helll. I am a mental health paraprofessional so am more aware than many of the vast possibilities and capabilities of the human mind and the depth of courage it must have taken for you to seek therapy. I feel a kinship with you but am also humbled by your experiences. I do not know if others truly populate my head, sometimes I think there are others but most of the time it feels like a game, and i can stop at any time. My therapist and I both have doubts about the DID diagnosis, due mostly to the sensationalism that the media has painted. it was as you surely know the diagnosis of the week and some of the behaviors i saw and books I read did nothing to dispel my disbelief. this book along with Dr. Ross’s book have offered me some solace – I am not just trying to jump on the popular wagon so I can feel if only for a moment that I belong and am human.

I am very deeply touched by your struggles, courage and compassion in writing this book and think maybe there is hope for me as well.  I have always believed suicide would be waiting for me at the end of my days, this gives me the idea that maybe, just maybe, that can change. Thank you.

Dear Laura,

Thank you sharing your personal struggle.  I can empathize with you.  During my therapeutic years with Dr. Baer I chose not to read anything on MPD, now DID.  I tried to read the book, Sybil, once, and also tried to watch the movie portraying her life, but I couldn’t.  It was definitely too bizarre for me.  As time went on, after integration was complete, Dr. Baer and I watched the movie Three Faces of Eve together.  I felt I could identify a little more with that story.

Having multiplicity was no laughing matter.  My life was built on shame and hiding all that happened to me.  I was living a lie switching all throughout the day, until I was able to acknowledge what was happening to me, in the safety of Dr. Baer’s office.  I believe a diagnosis of MPD/DID, as in my case, is rare.  I’m glad that Dr. Baer never appeared frightened or excited by what I told him; he always treated me with the utmost respect and never once gave up on me.  I believe I survived because Dr. Baer unconditionally cared for me in a very structured therapeutic setting.  We worked well together. And I was fortunate to find him.

My therapy took a long time–eighteen years!  In the beginning it seemed that I’d never get better.  I felt suicidal most of the time.  Although I continue to have a bad day once in awhile, these days are far from where I once was.  After suffering so long, I’m amazed at how far I’ve come.  It is a life long process to heal from the horrors of childhood abuse.  I believe having alters spared me from the immediate pain I suffered at the hands of my abusers.  But MPD is not a perfect system, it’s complex and takes years to develop and then to unravel and heal from.  Multiplicity worked well for me as a child, but not as an adult.  To me to live, there was finally no option than to integrate and become one whole person.

I can understand the doubt you and your therapist are having regarding this diagnosis.  I had doubts, too!  However, after trying to rationalize every other possibility for what was happening to me, I couldn’t deny it anymore.  My story is true.  Sure, this illness may have been sensationalized in the media, but I never really heard of it before being diagnosed with it. This was one of the reasons Dr. Baer and I believed our story should be shared.  It is our hope that we can help mental health professionals, medical students and also all those who suffer, to understand MPD/DID. A rare opportunity exists through our experiences.

I also feel a kinship with you. Please don’t give up. If you are dealing with this illness, please continue your journey to wellness.  

Have faith and hope will soon follow, I wish you peace.

Karen

Comment by Sheila on October 17, 2008 3:47 pm

Hi Karen,

How can the writer of your story take credit when he copied everything from your journals?

Sheila

Dear Sheila,

Thank you for your question. Did you actually read our entire book, Switching Time?  This book was an accumulation of the first nine years of an intense therapeutic relationship. The contents of our book came from Dr. Baer’s notes of our conversations, my writings, and our work together.  Those parts of the book that are quotes from my journals are indicated as such in the text.  Dr. Baer had known the alters in a way that I wasn’t able to, until after integration, when each alter helped me to become one.  Dr. Baer is responsible for gathering each of my alter’s individual stories.  I could not have written these experiences on my own.  My alters and I did journal all the time, but it was Dr. Baer who knew our story best.

Karen