Comment by Kimberly, a neighbor on March 16, 2009 11:11 pm

Dear Karen,

How are you? I read your story in one day and can’t stop thinking of you and what you went through. If I knew a child was abused I never tell anyone because fear I would be accused. Right? I’m confused after reading your story. I changed my mind and want to tell but feel bad and can’t report this girls abuser. Should I talk to the ten year old and tell her I know about her and the guy that’s abusing her? Or should I report what I know to the police without telling her? I hear her scream every night through our adjoining walls. I can’t sleep without being startled awake by her screams.. I think she screams for only ten minutes and goes back to sleep. I don’t really know. I’m guessing. The girl screams at the same time of night at least four times a week.

Kimberly, a neighbor

Dear Kimberly,

I’m doing fine. I’m glad to hear that you’ve changed your thoughts about how to handle the suspected abuse that may be going on next door to you. It’s really difficult to know for sure when to do take action to help someone. I am not a therapist and can’t give advice, but in my opinion, you might want to contact someone in your local child welfare department.  They will investigate without revealing who tipped them off.

In your letter you mentioned you heard this ten year old screaming through the adjoining walls, but you didn’t mention what she was screaming.  Was she having a nightmare or did you hear something more specific that made you suspect she was being abused?  Was she crying out for help?  This is something you might want to be clear about in your own mind before you take action.

It could be she suffers from repetitive nightmares, and falls quickly back to sleep without the knowledge of having them.  I can recall a few times when my own children sat up abruptly in their sleep and fell back to sleep never remembering it at all. If she should approach you and confide in you that she is indeed being abused, than most certainly call the authorities and report it.

Always remember, the safety of all children must come first. If you know for sure that a child is being abused, please do the right thing.

Thank you for your thoughts and questions.

Karen

Comment by Tom on March 19, 2009 3:20 am

Karen,

Do you have any addictions? Do multiple personalities usually have addiction problems?

Tom

Dear Tom,

As far as those who suffer from multiplicty are concerned, no, I don’t believe multiples have addictive personalities.  In my opinion, alters are created to help one survive.  Therefore, no time for obsessions or addictions to form.

In answering your question about me, I ask myself, “What defines an addiction?”  I have been told I have none, however, I disagree.  I am surely addicted to trying to change angry, insensitive, arrogant, and pessimistic people with one act of kindness at a time.  I can’t help but think that there is something good in each and every one of us.  Kill them with kindness, is what my heart tells me.  Whether this an addiction, I ‘m not sure.  I’m not an expert on these matters.

I believe never giving up on people can be an addiction. Why?  Because not only can my addiction cause me grief, it can cause headaches, depressed thoughts, and even threaten to diminish my spirit.  Nevertheless, it’s in my nature to continue being kind and writing kind thoughts, even to those who can’t change. 

Thank you for your question.

Karen

Comment by Mel on March 16, 2009 12:43 am

Thank you Karen for answering Measlam and Sally in such a thoughtul heartelt way. You know how I would answer? I would’ve told them off, swear and not answered them with respect. I applaud you. You do make a difference to the lives of people who suffer. Why didn’t Oprah have you on her show? What’s wrong with that picture? Doesn’t she know about you?

Grateful to you.

Mel

Dear Mel,

I know it may be hard for most people to understand why I answer questions that may be off-putting and accusatory, but here on the Switching Time blog, I want to answer all questions asked. There’s no reason for me to tell anyone off when my hope is to provide comfort and understanding.  In my opinion, an inappropriate question requires a caring and appropriate answer.  On this blog, it’s all about learning, sharing, multiplicity, and how I survived.

The people at Oprah’s show know about me, but it’s hard to know what sorts of decisions go on there to decide what’s best for her show.  They haven’t yet decided to portray my story, but  Dr. Baer and I have made sure they have a copy of our book.  I’m not sure why she hasn’t chosen to share my story.  There could be many reasons, and it is my hope that one day she chooses to have me on her show.  I appreciate your thoughts about this.

Thank you for all your compliments, especially for believing that I am making a difference in the lives of those who suffer.

Karen

Comment by Dolly on March 14, 2009 6:25 pm

Hi Karen,

I can see that you answered a million questions and how wonderful you are to. What kind of questions to you prefer people ask you? Are all questions answered? I have a few questions. Has your dream been fulfilled? Do you have a secret wish? What hurts you? last one…. Have you accomplished all that you wished to?

Dolly

Dear Dolly,

I don’t mind answering questions here on the Switching Time blog.  It has always been my hope to share my experiences in a helpful way.  I truly believe our Web site is a safe place for all readers to feel comfortable enough to share, contact me, and ask their questions.  I look forward to personally answer each one.

I don’t have any particular preference for what kind of questions to answer, but there have been times when a few stressful questions have pushed me to defend my decision to share my story and my therapeutic relationship with Dr. Baer.  It’s these type of questions that have me wondering why it’s so important to some people to tear down one of the most amazing accomplishments of Dr. Baer’s and my life.

My dreams remain dreams at this point.  Does anyone really fulfill all their dreams?  I think not.  I believe it takes all of one’s lifetime to fulfill a dream. It’s hard work to live in reality.  When dreaming, one lives in fantasy.  And yes, I have a secret wish, doesn’t everyone?  It’s a secret!  If I shared my secret wish, it would no longer be my secret. Therefore, I won’t share.

To answer your question regarding accomplishing all that I wish to, no I haven’t. I continue to work hard each day just to survive. I am proud of all that I have accomplished in my life.  Of course, I’m not perfect, and I’ve made mistakes myself and learned the hard way. 

Living in reality is a challenge for me, but I love a challenge.  My goal is to be at peace within myself and to live my life with integrity.

Thank you for your questions.

Karen

Comment by Bailey on March 16, 2009 11:09 pm

Hi Karen Overhill.  The answer you gave RO was interesting. In Chicago the old neighborhoods had very distinguished hiding places. Hidden underground, dark walkways. You mentioned a church stairwell. How did you get there? Did anyone ever get in your way? Can you write a visual?

Bailey

Dear Bailey,

The stairwell takes me back to a time I’d rather not revisit, however, I will do my best to share a bit for you and our readers to visualize a moment of my past.

The church was located less than fifteen yards from my backyard.  My escape would happen quickly, as soon as I felt I could get away from my abuser, and from wherever in the house I was.  If I felt threatened enough to flee, there was no stopping me.  Karl or Miles would come out and attack anyone who would try to stop me.  It’s called survival.

If my abuse started in the attic and I lost time, my alters would wait for the chance to escape. When I had the chance, I would run as fast as possible, down three flights of stairs, out the porch door, down another flight of stairs, through the yard, down the gangway, and out the back gate.  If it was locked, I’d jump the fence, run to the church’s backyard, down the steps and wind up at the church’s back basement security door, down in the stairwell.

Thank you for your question.

Karen

Comment by Walter on March 15, 2009 2:38 am

Karen,

If you could choose one word to define yourself what would it be?

Walter

Dear Walter,

Resilient. Why? Because no matter what happens to me, I always adapt and bounce back. 

Thank you for your thought provoking question.

Karen

Comment by Tony from LA on March 14, 2009 5:50 pm

Karen,

Multiple questions. When your alters were active were you more depressed or less depressed? As an integrated recovering multiple do you feel more depressed or less depressed than before integration? Would you integrate again if you had the choice? Was integration worth it?

Thank you.

Tony from LA

Dear Tony,

During the years my alters were active I felt more depressed because I didn’t understand the illness from which I suffered, multiplicity, and felt inadequate because I was unable to control my life.  Since integration of my seventeen alters, I’ve experienced highs and lows, trying my best to live my life as one.  I’m no different than most people who have a bad day once in awhile.

If I were given another chance to choose whether or not to integrate my alters, my choice would be the same.  I would integrate.  My life before integration was far more complicated, overwhelming, and stressful than now.  Of course, I continue to struggle– don’t we all?  There will always be stress-filled days, and I will continue to do my best to  deal with stressful times.  Survival is an amazing accomplishment!  

In my experience, integration was not only a blessing but definitely worth taking the risk. 

Karen

Comment by Mike on March 14, 2009 5:48 pm

Karen,

If one alter of a multiple personality chose to kill someone, would another alter prevent it? What if you were injured, unable to defend yourself as you lay in a street somewhere dying? How would your alters protect you at that point? Would you have an out of body experience in an altered state or as yourself?

Mike

Dear Mike,

Interesting questions!  Multiplicity is a coping mechanism that creates alternate personalities to protect and help a victim of child abuse to survive.  If I were put in the position to defend myself and an alter became angry enough to want to murder someone, then yes, another more balanced alter would bump him out and take over to create a better sense of calm to prevent that alter from acting on any inappropriate thoughts.

If I were injured and in an altered state, I would still be injured.  If I should lay dying on a street somewhere far from help, then I would die.  Alters don’t prevent unfortunate things from happening.  What alters do is help the victim survive, through temporary dissociation of the trauma, until they are safely able to move forward.  The creation of alters is not exactly an out of body experience.  In a multiple’s world, an alter will switch in and out as needed, and only to defend and protect.

Thank you for your questions, I hope my answers are of some help.

Karen

Comment by Frederick on March 14, 2009 12:46 pm

Hello Karen,

In episode 9 of USoT Dr. Ocean freaked me out! What is your opinion of the therapy between Dr. Ocean and Tara? Did you therpaist behave in such a way? Loved your book, Love you, Love that you are here answering questions your therapist should be answering.

Good luck always,

Fred

Dear Frederick,

I know USoT is a show for entertainment but seriously, in my opinion, “Tara” isn’t receiving the appropriate support from her therapist.  Tara needs a qualified psychiatrist, who has experience in psychoanalysis.  Dr. Ocean is skittish, does not exude confidence, and appears too frail to deal with Tara, her alters, and her family.  I know that there was little session time to base my opinion on, however, if my psychiatrist behaved in such a manner I would’ve run out the door, too!

A multiple “feeds” off their therapist until she, herself, can gain the strength needed to succeed.  A multiple requires a strong, self-assured therapist.  When a patient like me walks into a therapist’s office already feeling insecure, with the ability to zone in on feelings of weakness, it’s not acceptable for the therapist to appear distraught.  A multiple knows!  Therefore, trust can’t be established and therapy becomes an added stress on both the multiple and the therapist. Tension is destructive and no work gets accomplished.

In my opinion, Dr. Ocean appears too weak to be a good therapist.  She appears to have many issues of her own and should seek help for herself while treating Tara.  A multiple can overwhelm and exhaust her therapist.  My psychiatrist never showed any signs of distress or weakness in my presence during our therapeutic relationship. He may have been stressed, become physically ill, or even hated me, but even I never picked up on it, and believe me, as a multiple I would have.  Therapists are trained to not reflect emotions through their facial expressions. Dr. Ocean couldn’t and was easily read. I’m sure Tara knew that.

I believe Dr. Ocean will terminate the therapeutic relationship with Tara. Why? Because there already has been a breach in confidentiality when Max, Tara’s husband, went to see her without Tara.  I don’t see that Dr. Ocean is the right therapist to handle Tara and her alters.

Thank you for your question.

Karen

Comment by Richard C. on March 14, 2009 12:25 pm

Karen,

What do you do with the uncertainty that surrounds life in general these days? How does someone like you get comfortable with the ambiguity of the world?

Richard

Dear Richard,

I may not like or feel comfortable with all of the uncertainty that’s in the air at this time, however, I continue to learn how to get comfortable with the ambiguity of the world. No one, including me, knows what is going to happen today. I believe what is meant to be, will be. I try my best not to worry and stress myself but I am just like everyone else that has a bad day once in awhile. All I can do is sit back and wait to see what happens — living can be a challenge for someone like me who had once experienced so much hurt. Then again, sometimes it’s more fun than you think!  I have no desire to probe into unknowable things.  I believe it’s much better to just let a mystery be a mystery.

Thank you for your questions.

Karen