Comment by Louise on 16 Apr 2009 at 2:21 pm

Hi Karen,

My question is have you ever been judged as not being intelligent because of your condition and appearance? I know you must’ve been humiliated so much that your confidence and talents must’ve been not recognized. I watched the lady from Scotland Susan Boyle on Diane Sawyer’s interview. I usually like Diane Sawyer on GMA. But after watching her interview you and your doctor and now Susan Boyle, who is very talented, she was not nice to either of you. She falsely smiles and acts like she’s nice but she has judged Susan like you. Have you seen Susan’s performance? A remarkable woman like you who never received the credit deserved for her talent. Susan’s talent is singing, yours writing. Step up to the plate like Susan Boyle, Karen, don’t let others walk all over you. I think your time is next year. Lay your groundwork now. Be patient and wait. Truth will be known and you will receive your just rewards.

Dear Louise,

I’m not sure what to say. I haven’t seen the interview between Diane Sawyer and Susan Boyle.  I can’t compare myself to Susan, who, by the way, has an amazing voice and I can’t sing a note, but I am touched that you felt the need to defend me.  In my case, as with Susan, our unique talents were indeed recognized.

During the time I spent with the crew of GMA for my interview I was treated very well and with respect. I didn’t feel that Diane Sawyer belittled me or my illness.

Thank you for your compliments. I appreciate your concern, and share your hope that next year will be a great year for Switching Time!

Karen

Comment by Roxie on 16 Apr 2009 at 10:11 am

Hi Karen,

I have started to read your book but stopped. Why share such devastation? Did Richard Baer inform you early that his intention was to write a book about you? I am not a therapist but I felt horrible reading about the way he treated you. Your doctor didn’t even like you. I am one third through reading the book and want to know whether it’s worth my time to continue until the end. If I hear from you I will know you are real and not a figment of Richard Baer’s imagination and ego.

Dear Roxie,

I’m sorry to hear that you were overwhelmed and distraught with the reading of my story.  Please know that I am not a figment of Dr. Baer’s imagination or his ego. I am real. I’ve shared my devastating past with all in hope to help others who have suffered as I once did. I admit, sharing my story was difficult to do. I had to reveal the horror of my past abuse alongside the amazing therapeutic relationship I shared with Dr. Baer, who helped me live my life as one.

In reading my story you may believe Dr. Baer didn’t like me and was arrogant and stand-offish. In reading the first part of the book you may find Dr. Baer misunderstood me, and that was true.  That was meant to show the truth about the therapy.

Believe me, if Dr. Baer would have appeared too emotional, I wouldn’t have shared anything. As a multiple, I read people well. If I thought Dr. Baer couldn’t deal with me, I would’ve left his office and never returned. Dr. Baer did his job well and kept his emotions in check. Please know that Dr. Baer and I worked very hard together to make me whole. Just like all relationships there was give and take. Dr. Baer has always treated me with unconditional care and the utmost respect.  It really was teamwork at it’s best. Dr. Baer is my mentor, confidant, and trusted friend.

I wish you will re-consider reading the rest of my story. Stopping where you did will leave you feeling unsettled.  The true miracle comes in each page as the story enfolds towards the end.  I promise you, that when you finally read the last page, it will all make sense and you will be left knowing the true miracle of my work with Dr. Baer.  The first part of the book is the hardest to take in.  Take a break and continue reading.

Please, if you choose to finish reading my story, write back and share your thoughts.

Have a great day!

Karen

Comment by Jennie on 15 Apr 2009 at 10:10 pm

Dear Karen,

I am working my way into Part 3 of Switching Time and have not been able to put it down since picking it up yesterday. Your story is one of courage and strength even though those feelings did not seem to be present at the time. Once I had reached the part of the book that had the drawings of the personalities, I felt like I knew you so well by that point, I was actually able to label the personalities by their expressions. I am currently a psychology major and I am writing a paper on your story. There are several people in line to borrow my book once I am finished. You are and will probably forever be in my thoughts. I have read several postings that speak of meeting you, do you and Dr. Baer do book tours by any chance, or speak at colleges? I would love to meet yourself and Dr. Baer for I have found great inspiration in your struggles and triumphs as well as the amazing work of Dr. Baer.

Dear Jennie,

By now you most likely finished reading Switching Time.  I hope the ending didn’t disappoint.  I appreciate your kind words of praise. My strength came from having a great alter support system and from Dr. Baer’s unconditional care. It was teamwork at it’s best.

Thank you for sharing that you felt as if you knew each alter and could identify them through the pictures. That is what Dr. Baer and I hoped for, to bring into the book a once in a lifetime journey.

I’m glad you chose my story to write your paper on. That makes feel glad to have shared my story. It’s been my hope to bring a better understanding of this incomprehensible illness I once suffered from.

Dr. Baer and I would be interested in doing additional book appearances, however, we haven’t been asked recently. Together, Dr. Baer and I traveled to Amsterdam & Antwerp, and have done interviews in Newsweek, on GMA, and in many different countries. Dr. Baer has done more interviews on his own, but it’s always my interest to accompany him. Maybe some day, if asked, we can arrange additional book tours or signings.  It’s never to late to stir up more interest!

Thank you for all your compliments!  You’ve made my day!

Karen

Comment by Pete on 13 Apr 2009 at 8:51 pm

Hi Karen,

I lived with a young lady for over 4 years. It wasn’t until recently I discovered the illness responsible for her behavior was DID. She was abandoned as an infant and raised in a Korean orphanage until about the age of 5. I just recently did research on Korean orphanages and was shock to the abuse mixed blood children suffer in that society. She was raised by German parents and spent most of her adult life abroad where we met in 2005.  As I read “Switching Time” each significant event takes me back over the last 4 years reliving each event in the context of her behavior under very similar situations. She was recently released from jail and the state hospital here. Unfortunately she was not properly diagnosed by the state and they released her to the Salvation Army Shelter for Women. The local authorities threaten to arrest me if I bring her back into my neighborhood. To this day I don’t know if she is receiving proper medical care. I can’t forget the last four years and feel guilty that I couldn’t do more to help her. I am starting a foundation with a group of Faith-based Organizations to provide care to women who suffer with this condition. I admire you for your bravery to tackle this condition, I know from first hand experience the pain that you and others endure.

With best regards,

Pete

Dear Pete,

Thank you for sharing your story. I am saddened by your friend’s hard life. However, I’m glad to hear she had you for a friend for the four years. I can empathize with your frustration that your friend was not diagnosed properly while she spent time in prison and the state hospital. Multiplicity is not easily recognizable. Most people dismiss such behavior as schizophrenic.  Therefore, many multiples are treated inappropriately. That’s why Dr. Baer and I wanted to share our story. To bring more attention and awareness to MPD/DID.

It must be unsettling for you not to know what happened to your friend.   I hope that you may one day find her or she may find you.In my case, I have a poor sense of time. What may take years to pass might seem to be one day for me.  When you find her, you may find that she may not know that many years have passed between you.

You didn’t mention why the local authorities threatened to arrest you if your friend returns home.  If that’s truly so, they must believe her to be a threat.  Maybe she will be rehabilitated and function with her multiplicity in a healthier way.  I’m sure the inner pain she is experiencing is devastating to her. I am glad that Switching Time has provided you with some understanding regarding her suffering. As you know by living with her, a multiple’s world is not peaceful.

Thank you for starting a foundation with a group of faith-based organizations to provide care to women who suffer with this illness. That is very important to know. It may help one of our readers.

Thank you for your compliments and for caring enough to make a difference. 

Karen

Comment by DK on 10 Apr 2009 at 1:29 am

It’s interesting that there is an attune-ness as a common experience for multiples. I’ve found I can just “pick up” when someone is in medical distress and needs to see a doctor, I’ve been able to predict miscarriages with considerable accuracy and have been able to predict if people I have contact with – even casual acquaintances – are going to die.

Lately I’ve been seeing a pattern that seems really crazy but whenever my system becomes distressed or panicked or unsettled the electronics in my car act up. Trouble lights go on when there’s nothing wrong, power windows stop working – but work for my husband and daughter – when I’m not in the car etc. It’s may be just a coincidence but my 19 year old is convinced it fits with when I’m more unsettled. She also thinks I blow light bulbs although they don’t blow while I’m in the room but there does seem to be a pattern of blown light bulbs when my system is wound up.

Have you or others noticed similar “electrical” disruptions associated with disruptions in the system of parts?

At this stage in my treatment, it is not uncommon to disrupt my system of parts and find switching between parts becomes frantic. My husband and daughter can see these times now that they have learned to be attuned to me more. I recognize their concern with my function when they keep asking what happened in my day – trying to see what’s unbalanced my usually more together appearance. When I look at myself in the mirror it seems like looking at someone else – the hair seems the wrong color, the color of the skin looks awful, the eyes – they look glassy and bloodshot. I then begin to do what’s necessary to figure out what’s upset the various parts and work to calm things down.

Do you recognize any of this? I haven’t found much in the literature that suggests DID could cause these experiences. The psychologist hasn’t said much either way but we address the systems chaos in order to reduce the experiences – with notable success.

I know it sounds crazy but I’d be interested to know if others also found/find similar experiences.

One more question. I refer to myself as a multiple or as having DID because my parts have only just begun to recognize each other and only a few have blended together. Do you still consider yourself multiple now that you’ve become one?

Again, thanks for your measured and clearly well informed responses.

DK

Dear DK,

I agree, mutliples have a heightened sense of empathy, and it’s uncanny. I believe the reason we are so attuned is because it aided our own protection. As a multiple, one must be attuned to not only her surroundings, but to each and every person that crosses our path. It’s a coping mechanism to survive.

Like you, I can also sense more than I wish to and with considerable accuracy. Actually, most of my distress these days comes from these types of thoughts and feelings. Sadly, when my intuitions come true, I become depressed.  I can’t explain the reason for being so highly attuned, however, it doesn’t help when I sense something unfortunate ahead of time and wish to avoid it, but can’t.

It seems I have issues with electricity, too.  I cause many distruptions that have been unexplainable. I’ve always thought I was just cursed with being a clutz with gadgets, but it goes beyond that.  My family and I always make jokes about my abilty to blow fuses, break bulbs, and cause the television and computer to crash when someone angers me.  I do best when I’m calm.

Before I integrated, I removed all mirrors from my home, except for the bathrooms. I had no choice, for the same reason as you. I would walk by a mirror and be startled when I didn’t recognize myself, and saw an alter staring back at me. Multiplicity continues to be a mystery. You and I share many similar experiences. I appreciate your sharing.

I wish you well as you continue your journey to wholeness.

Karen

Comment from Rick on 09 April 2009 at 1:51pm

Dear Karen,

Met you the other day after one of your friends introduced us. I didn’t know you are the Karen in the book I read last year. I want to say I never met anyone so well adjusted, friendly and caring as you. I assumed people who were abused as children grow up to be horrible, crazy, loudmouthed assholes? I can’t understand why you are nice. You should act like a bitch. Could I be wrong to think all the crabasses of the world were once abused as kids? Meeting you has changed my mind.

Rick

Dear Rick,

Thank you for your compliment! It was nice to meet you, too! I know it’s hard for most to believe that someone like me can turn out well adjusted, friendly, and caring. Being abused does not necessarily make one act crazy, crabby, or loudmouthed.

I’ve always tried my best to be nice to others in hope they would return the favor.  Each act of kindness makes us feel confident and whole. What purpose would there be to express anger, disrespect, and bitchiness?  None. We all need to be kind to each other in the best way we know how. Respecting each other is how we learn to trust each other.

I am glad you changed your mind regarding people who have once been abused. They are people, too, and just like you, trying to make their way through life. Always remember when someone has suffered past abuse their self esteem may be low. Please don’t hurt those who may need your help in order to heal.

Have a great day.

Karen

Comment by Bev on 09 April 2009 at 11:23 pm

Hi Karen,
I must admit the colors of blue and brown are quite drab. I don’t feel very uplifted. If you’re someone coming here you’d want to feel hope and all I feel is stable, neutralized. If it were me, I’d do something more in a rainbow spectrum of colors. In the background at the very least. That’s my arty side showing through. But you know color does affect moods. It feels so clinical this website. I suppose you’d want the words to be as they are, I can read them well enough, maybe slightly large for we “older” folks who need to squint and move into the computer screen a bit more.
I’ll write more as I think about it.
Bye.
Take care.

Bev

Dear Bev,

Thank you for your sharing your thoughts and opinions on our newly revised web site. Dr. Baer and I truly appreciate your input. I understand what you mean. The ST site does need a cosmetic uplift.  We plan to make our site not only easily accessible but pleasantly appealing and comforting for all who visit. We will continue to make changes as we move along.

Dr. Baer and I will be making changes to correct these cosmetic problems soon. Our first and most important job was to make sure our Web site was functional. Now that we know it is, we will make those changes.

Thank you for caring enough to write in and share you thoughts.

Karen

Comment by Shannon on 09 April 2009 at 9:46 pm

Hi Karen,

Can’t find your book at the bookstore. I borrowed a friends. I like you and your answers. I have a question for you. Would you say being a multiple compares to the black outs alcoholics suffer? I am a alcoholic and attend AA. My last drink was eight months ago but when I drank I felt like someone else and didn’t remember anything the next day. Are you an alcoholic first or a multiple first, do multiples become alcoholics from being abused? Do you drink? Did your alters drink?

Thank you very much, Shannon

Dear Shannon,

I’m glad to hear that you found a copy of Switching Time to read. And thank you for sharing that you like me and my answers. I really appreciate your kind words.

Regarding comparing switching time, or losing time, to an alcoholic’s blackouts, there’s no comparison I can make. I’m not an alcoholic and always tried my best to stay away from alcohol.  I was afraid alcohol would effect my system and cause alter chaos. Once, after having a glass of wine, I switched to a child alter that passed out. I’m not sure how and why one glass took such a drastic toll on me, but that caused me to stay away from drinking. Multiplicity continues to be a mystery to me.

I can understand why you’d like to know if  a multiple’s lost time is similar. I think they’re caused by different mechanisms.  For a multiple, switching is disassociation.   For an alcoholic, I think the alcohol toxicity prevents the creation of memories.  For me, by the end of the day, my alters would somehow inform me of the important happenings of the day.

I am glad to hear that you are attending AA and haven’t had a drink in eight months! Congratulations! I wish you continued success. I can’t answer any questions regarding whether multiples become alcoholics or vice versa. I rarely drink alcohol.

I needed to be fully aware, through my alters, in order to survive. Alcohol, in my opinion, is a depressant that would’ve added stress and suicidal thoughts to my already fragile system.

It is my hope that my answer has brought you a bit more understanding and was helpful.

Karen

Comment by Thomas on 08 April 2009 at 6:09 pm

Karen, you must have been exhausted during therapy. How did you survive digging up your past. Did the therapy process cause you to have nightmares? How did you deal with your grief?

Dear Thomas,

Yes, I was exhausted during my many years in therapy. I was exhausted after each session. I can recall sessions when I felt as if I’d undergone surgery. Therapy can be tedious and slow moving, causing prolonged grief. Therapy for multiplicity is not only hard work but takes a toll on the multiple’s entire family, and the doctor who treats her.  After each session I would arrive home and literally collapse into my bed. I couldn’t clean, cook, or enjoy a movie with my children without fear of falling asleep.

On session days I would order a pizza or bring home some fast food and pray the television would provide at least an hour or two of entertainment for my children so that I could recover. By the next day, most of my strength had returned and I felt a bit of weight removed from my shoulders. Dr. Baer and I worked very hard over a period of eighteen years, to chip away a lifetime of hurt that burdened me. One may wonder why one needs to drag up the past in order to move forward, but I believe it’s a necessary step to let go of the past and encourage future growth.

Of course, my nightmares where never pleasant. I believe my nightmares came from the mixing of my past, present, and future concerns. Most of the time I’d share the really horrific dreams with Dr. Baer and he would help me see the reason I may have dreamt such horror. Together we did this back and forth, for an exhausting eighteen years, in a time consuming effort to heal my inner pain. I dealt with my grief one day at a time.

Thank you for your questions.

Karen

Comment by Jen on 08 April 2009 at 11:23 am

What ever happened to your brothers? Did they know about the abuse? Did you ever discuss it with your family.

I just finished the book and I’m starting all over again. How facinating your life is. Most people would have never survived the abuse, and you found a way to cope. Sounds to me like an easier way to cope with life than most people are capable of. I’m just so engrossed in this.

Jen

Dear Jen,

My brothers are doing well, and yes, they knew that I was abused. However, I had never shared the details with them. My brothers were younger than me and my need to protect them prevented me from revealing what I felt they shouldn’t know. My brothers were abused, too, not in a sexual way but definitely physically and emotionally.  As children, my brothers and I were terrified of our father. We feared setting him off and prayed that he would fall asleep after dinner so that we could be at peace.  We always wished him dead.

Whenever our father was alone with us he was angry, lashed out, and beat us for the slightest wrongs, such as not washing one fork or forgetting to make him ice tea. There was no way to know what we would be beaten for. We tried to be as perfect as we could be, hoping that my father might be nicer to us if we were, but that was something that never happened. When my mother was home, there was a lot of arguing between them, but less abuse from the hands of our father.

My brothers and I coped in different ways. I dissociated and became a multiple, one brother spent most of his time in sports in an effort to stay away from home, and the other spent most of his time alone, building models and tuning out the world.

Thank you for sharing that you are re-reading Switching Time. I appreciate your encouraging words regarding my surviving abuse and my ability to cope, however, please know that it’s never been easy and it all came with many consequences. There are days when I struggle. The difference is that now I know and understand where I came from and try my best to deal with it logically. It doesn’t always work, but I do try my best.

Multiplicity continues to me a mystery to me. I may have survived it but there is so much left to learn. It is my hope the medical world continues to research multiplicity. For it is real, just as I am real.

Karen