Comment by Paula on 19 Jul 2009 at 6:12 pm

I admire you for your courage, niceness and helpfulness to people despite the pain once suffered. Switching Time helped my 20 year old daughter deal with the abusive babysitter assigned to take care of her when she was six. When a friend’s son, 15, asked to make extra money babysitting, I never for a minute thought he would be capable of raping a six year old child. Honestly, I never thought it to be possible. My daughter shared immediately and he was arrested. Since then my friend and I parted ways. My daughter however lives everyday in pain. She has nightmares, deep sadness and never felt like she was clean. Do you know what I mean? I begged her to seek help. She said no. One day she told me she was ready to see a therapist. I was glad and asked her what changed her mind. She said It was your book.

Thank you, Karen. You helped my daughter move on.

Paula, California

Dear Paula,

Thank you!  I truly appreciate you sharing your story of how your daughter came to a better understanding of her suffering.  Having your daughter recognize the pain within herself is an important first step on the way to healing.  I’m glad to hear that she found help through my story, but I believe that is was the right time for her and she finally knew it.

I’m sorry to hear that your daughter was abused by someone you felt you could trust. That is very sad, but very common.  I believe that for her to share with you what happened immediately after she was abused shows that you have a loving relationship, and that your daughter trusted you to help her.  No one has the right to hurt and abuse a child.  Calling the police and reporting the act was not only the right thing to do but also very brave.  I know it must’ve been hard on you and for your friend, the mother of your daughter’s abuser.  I’m sad to hear that you parted ways and haven’t received the closure you’ve needed to move on.  She may be suffering, too.  After all, it was her son who committed the crime. I can only imagine how devastating it was for both of you.  I hope you can find peace in time.

Thank you for your compliments!  I wish you and your daughter a safe journey to wellness.  Have faith and the healing will follow.

Karen

Comment by LG on 20 Jul 2009 at 5:49 pm

Hey K!

Read the book! Amazing! Great work Karen & Richard!!!!!!!!!

LG

Thank you, LG!

Comment by Nancy Kay on 16 Jul 2009 at 10:03 am

Dear Karen,

I am having the most horrible day. You see, I hurt as you once did. I was abused and recently broke up with my boyfriend because I shared that I was abused with him. He said he needed a normal relationship without the baggage of my past abuse which would ultimately cause him grief that he didn’t wish to partake in. We dated for three years. It took me three years to share what happened to me. I trusted him now regret so much. I feel sick all the time and haven’t left my house all week. I called in vacation time at work. Luckily I have four weeks vacation left this year. I wanted to end my life during my vacation. I can’t make myself a cup a coffee. Can’t sleep and when I do sleep nightmares constantly wake me.

A friend gave me your book last week. I threw it back at her and it hit the floor. She left my place upset. I thought how dare she when I am feeling so depressed give me a depressing book. The book sat on the floor in the spot it fell for four days before I picked it up. I didn’t talk to my friend since. I hated her so much for hurting me. Then I picked it up and read the prologue. I was distracted from myself and kept reading. I finished it in two days. I feel so horribly guilty now that I lost my friend. I told her I hated her. I doubt she’s ever going to forgive me. She must have read your story and thought it would help me. She was right. Your story helped me a great deal.

What should I do now? Because of my depressed self everyone hates me. I hate myself. Have you ever told someone you love you hated them? Did you ever talk with them again? My friend was like a sister to me. I love her and miss her so much. I am the worse person in the world and feel I should just die.

I don’t regret reading your story. I felt relieved knowing that you survived. If you survived what happened to you I think I can to. I thought back to my relationship with my boyfriend and realized he wasn’t the one for me anyway. Maybe it was time to break up with him anyway. My boyfriend never like my best friend, he always thought of himself more than me that’s why it took me so long to share with him. When he asked me to marry him I felt being honest about my past was important and the right thing to do. I was wrong. He is incapable of loving anyone but himself. Your story opened my mind to think of what I need. I found out I don’t need him. Thank you.

Can you please answer my questions about my best friend. It’s been almost a week and I’m afraid to call. I don’t know what to say to her.

Nancy Kay

Vermont

Dear Nancy Kay,

I’m sorry to hear about what happened to you.  Sometimes it takes me a few days to read and answer my blog posts. I hope you are feeling better today!

I understand what you are going through.  I know that you feel betrayed.  That’s how I would’ve felt, too.  During my years of therapy I too shared some of my past abuse with my ex-husband.  He reacted in the same way as your boyfriend did.  I felt crushed and regretted sharing with him, but in the long run I learned valuable lessons from my pain. If someone, anyone, boyfriend or friend, judges you by the abuse you have suffered, they are not your friend.  A true friend would take in what you shared before jumping to conclusions. A true friend will come back and apologize if he or she hurt you.

I appreciate you sharing your story and how you came to read mine.  I am glad to hear that my story helped you come to a better understanding of your depression.  I admit my story can be difficult to read by someone who is in pain.  However, I believe your friend truly cares for you and was just trying to be supportive by sharing the book.  I believe she sensed your pain and felt my story would help you.  Please give your friend a call, and share with her what you have shared with me.  Show her this post.  If she truly is your friend, she will understand what you were going through.  It’s not too late.

Yes, I have told someone I love that I hated them, too.  I felt very hurt by something they said and reacted from the pain of my past.  Sometimes people say things they don’t realize are hurtful.  As a once abused person myself, I believe we are especially sensitive to such misunderstandings.  The friend I said that to was hurt by my words, but we talked and forgave each other.  I was relieved to be heard and understood.  No one is perfect, we all make mistakes now and then.

I am glad to hear that you chose not to end your life.  That’s an important step to overcoming your pain.  I’m sure no one hates you.  Those close to you may just be giving you space so that you can understand what you need to do to help yourself.  I’m sure if you call them or write them a letter, they will feel better and you will, too.

Wishing you a safe journey through healing.

Karen

Comment by CSix on 16 Jul 2009 at 6:50 pm

I am in awe of your story! That you would be so willing to open up the depths of your soul to millions of people who hopefully read it! It has been a pivotal part of my healing, because I finally realized.. it wasn’t just me. I wasn’t alone in this illness. And it helped me to realize that I could be one, one day! If my parts indeed want to be fully integrated! You are in my prayers! Would love to connect with you at some point! Blessings!

Dear CSix,

Thank you!  Your compliments have touched me.  I’m glad to hear that in reading my story you felt you would be able to help yourself and move forward in your own journey.  Multiplicity is created from past abuse that was caused at the hands of abusers.  It’s never a child’s fault!  No, you are not alone in this illness; you were a victim of someone else’s warped perception of how a child should be dealt with.

Please don’t give up; integration is a necessary part of healing and becoming one.  I believe it’s impossible for a multiple to feel whole without integration.  I loved my alters, and that they were created to help me survive a horrific childhood, but as an adult my alters only caused heartbreak and chaos.

I hope that someday your alters will come around and integration can be possible for you, too.  That is the goal of healing, to become one self.  Please know that it takes time and patience.  Remember, it took many years for the alters to become who they are.  It takes time for them to heal and feel they can let go.  I always believed that once each alter accomplished what they meant to, they were ready to integrate within me.

I never lost one alter through integration.  Each of my alters will always be a part of me.  I am all of them.  The difference is, I am one woman, and my alters no longer control me.

Thank you for your blessing.

Karen

Comment by Kimmie on 14 Jul 2009 at 9:43 am

Hi Karen,

I am visiting the states from Hong Kong. I bought your book and read it in one day. Thank you for bringing forth a better way for people to understand your suffering. As for Richard Baer, I am glad you found him and he found you. I was able to feel the pain both of you experienced during your treatment. A true miracle of God. Never doubt your success. I know it was God’s will that your story was told. Bless you!

Kimmie

Dear Kimmie,

Visiting from Hong Kong!  Welcome to America!  I hope that your visit is going well!  There is so much to see here in the states.  Although you haven’t mentioned where you are visiting, I’m sure each state can provide you with a breathtaking experience.

I am glad to hear that in reading Switching Time you have received a better understanding of the illness, multiplicity.  That is exactly what Dr. Baer and I hoped all readers would experience.  I, too, am glad Dr. Baer and I found each other and were able to work together to heal me.  I’m not sure what would’ve happened to me if I didn’t wind up in Dr. Baer’s good hands.  I believe Dr. Baer was God sent.  And yes, I also believe it was God’s will that I share my story.

Thank you for your blessing,

Karen

Comment by Michelle on 14 Jul 2009 at 9:52 am

Karen,

So sad your story. So encouraging to know how you survived. I am a student and interested in a psychology major. It’s my first year. I thought I would read your book before school starts next month. The book re-enforced my interest in the mind. Will you thank Dr. Baer for his contribution to the medical studies of future therapists like me? I only hope to have the courage he had to treat someone like you. I loved the book, love you and love Richard Baer. Great job! Thanks.

Michelle

Dear Michelle,

Thank you for sharing your thoughts!  I’m glad that you wrote to share your interest in psychology and becoming a therapist.  The world needs good therapists.  It’s my hope that all colleges who are in the process of teaching new therapists become aware of my story, read it, and share it.  There have been more than a few professors and teachers who have written sharing their thoughts on the illness from which I suffered and survived.  Most who have read my story say their opinions have changed for the better.  Maybe once your classes start you can share with your professors what you’ve shared here.

I will make sure Dr. Baer receives your compliments!  Thank you!  I’m sure Dr. Baer will be thrilled to hear the optimism you shared regarding his contribution to future medical studies and future therapists.  I believe you are already on your way to becoming a caring therapist, just by what you have shared with me here.

Thank you!  I wish you all my best as you continue your studies.

Karen

Comment by Cam on 14 Jul 2009 at 6:11 am

Found you on Facebook, yeah! What a great way to meet people who care for you. You are amazing! Thank you for being you. ST was written to pull people in and leave them satisfied. Amazing, really amazing!

Dear Cam,

Yes, I’m on Facebook and so is Richard Baer!  You are right, it is a great way to meet people!  Through Facebook I have met friends from Hong Kong, Nigeria, Israel, Australia, Indonesia, and a few other countries.  I have also met friends throughout the United States, such as New York, Utah, Arizona and more!  Meeting people from different walks of life encourages me to move forward and continue to help in the best way I can.  I have found each one of us has a story to share, and I love listening to them all.

Thank you for your compliments!  I am touched that you believe Switching Time was written to pull the reader in leaving them satisfied. That’s a great compliment!

See you on Facebook,

Karen

Comment by Christine on 06 Jul 2009 at 6:34 pm

Hi Karen,

Thank you and Dr. Richard Baer for the book. I was helped by your story and shared it with my therapist who never heard about it before i told him about it. I am nineteen years old and was repeadedly abused and kept from going to school for years. No one came to help me when my father claimed I was suffering from mental illness and couldnt attend school. I escaped last year to a facility for patients like me. I am getting by with there help. Thank you for inspireing me to move on with my life. I have a good therapist to but love your doctor and you. I keep thinking of you and how marvelous you are.

Christine

Dear Christine,

You’re welcome!  Thank you for sharing Switching Time with your therapist.  I’m glad to hear that my story provided you with some knowledge that helped you move forward on your own journey to wellness.

I’m sorry to hear that you were abused and that your father prevented you from receiving the help you needed to heal.  Keeping you from school and claiming you were mentally ill is abuse in itself.  I understand your pain.  I’m sure that those who didn’t come to your rescue may have had no idea what was happening to you and their ignorance prevented them from knowing what to do.  Unfortunately, people unconsciously tend to ignore signs of abuse.  That is why Dr. Baer and I decided to share our story.  We hope to bring awareness to what can happen to a child who has been repeatedly abused.

Thank you for your compliments and for sharing that my story was an inspiration to you.  I’m glad to hear you are safe and in the care of a professional therapist.

I wish you well.

Karen

Comment by Lee on 06 Jul 2009 at 12:36 am

Karen,

How are you handling living in the real world with an economy of so many depressed people? Without alters would you say it’s easier or harder to live? Any regrets on integration or sharing your story?

Lee

Dear Lee,

Handling reality has been more challenging than I had thought it would be.  True, the economy has taken a turn for the worse, and yes, I am affected by the many people who are down and out and suffering.  In my work with people everyday, I’ve had my share of hearing many sad stories, but for each sad story there is a truly inspirational and remarkable story that leads me to believe in the greater good of living in the real world.

Multiplicity had its advantages along with many disadvantages.  The only good that multiplicity brought me was to be able to temporarily take away an immediate trauma.  Of course, I had to deal with the consequences once I was able to “feel” the pain after integration.  Therefore, life without alters is definitely easier.  My alters caused chaos within me, despite the reason they were born, which was to help me survive.  For me to live, integration was a must.  I needed to be one.

Do I regret sharing my story?  Sometimes.  I do, however, feel encouraged to continue to share my story in hope to help others through their own journey.  Sharing is hard, although the good definitely out weighs the bad.  I would share my story again.  I do not regret that.  Sharing is caring.

Thank you for your questions,

Karen

Comment by Osbourne on 06 Jul 2009 at 8:45 am

Dear Karen,

I can’t believe that you survived so much and like helping people. Why do you think you do? Has Baer analyzed you lately? I’m sure if he supports you he would take special precautions to assure your mind set as you delve into yous past over again. Do answering questions keep you stuck in the past?

Thank you for sharing. I finished reading your book at two this morning. I kept waking thinking about you and thought I’d right on your blog. I hope you are safe and living in peace. I pray for you. I am happy you survived.

Osbourne

Dear Osbourne,

Would it help if I didn’t help anyone? I help others because I believe that if we each help each other, we can change the world, one act of kindness at a time.

Dr. Baer has no need to analyze me anymore.  Dr. Baer is no longer my therapist.  We are colleagues and friends that work together sharing my story.

Answering questions doesn’t leave me stuck in the past, but it does take me on a visit back to the past, a place in which I’ve once lived and no longer want to be.  I suffer no ill effects from answering questions.  As a matter of fact, it helps me put my past into perspective, despite the temporary triggers that may cause me a moment of sadness when I realize what I’ve overcome.

Thank you for your compliments and especially your prayers.

Karen