Comment by Merrill, PhD on 23 Feb 2010 at 9:45 am

Hi Karen,

What a trip you are! Congrats on surviving! Just finished reading your story and can’t stop thinking of all of your alters individual personalities. I am amazed Dr. Baer’s professional mindset kept them all straight. Being someone who befriended a mpd person for fifteen years I still get confused. I give you both an applause. In one book you both managed to tell it like it is in a language we the reader can understand. It was powerful, nerve wrecking, disgusting, sincere, loving, compassionate and a journey into the mind of a patient, you Karen, are remarkable. Can’t say enough. Recommending to all my friends and students.

Merrill, PhD

Dear Dr. Merrill,

Thank you! I agree, I’m also amazed Dr. Baer was able to keep each alter straight. But that didn’t come easy for him. It took time, patience, and nerves of steel to maintain his composure while being unnerved by each alter’s unique and distinct characteristics.

Dr. Baer needed to pay close attention to each of my seventeen alters. Building rapport and trust with each was a challenge. Treating me was time consuming, and at times frustrating. If Dr. Baer was confused about me or any one of my alters, I never knew it. Why? Because he was good at shielding his thoughts and emotions from me. That amazes me because I’m a highly attuned person. I read people well but never picked up on Dr. Baer’s ill thoughts, if he had any. It was important for Dr. Baer to stay the same for me.  If he had talked too much, asked too many questions, or if I had felt threatened in any way, I would have run, never to return.

Thank you for your compliments and for recommending our story to others! I will pass your comments on to Dr. Baer. I’m sure he will appreciate hearing your thoughts, just as I have. I am especially touched by you saying that Switching Time was written in a way for all to understand. That means a lot to us. It was important for me and Dr. Baer to share the truth about our journey in the best way possible. For us, bringing knowledge to an incomprehensible illness was our purpose.

Karen

Comment by Shannon on 19 Feb 2010 at 2:04 pm

Dear Karen,

Thank you. I mean really truly thank you. I was so depressed the last four months. My sister bought me your book for Christmas and I was insulted thinking she insinuated I may have MPD or DID. It only added to my depression. Well I was off work for three days from the flu and started reading your book. I read it right though in one day and never imagined you would inspire me. I would be proud to be like you but judged you before reading. Now I want to write you and tell you I respect and admire you. I love that you are answering questions. I went to work today in a better spirit. I put all my anger aside and decided to do my best. I refuse to listen to those who degrade me for my depression. I feel a weight lift off my shoulders. If you can heal from your past I know I can too. Thank you. We who have been abused need to support each other. You were right. The past abuse suffered takes a lifetime to heal from. I was living in fear which allowed my abusers to control me. No more for me.

Shannon

Dear Shannon,

Thank you for sharing your experience reading my story and your own healing process. Feeling depressed and receiving a book about someone who also suffered must have been overwhelming. Inspirational or not, a story like mine is not easy to read when you’re not feeling well yourself. I’m glad you put the book aside and read it when you did. I am touched to hear you went back to work in better spirits after reading Switching Time, and not allowing ignorant degrading comments to depress you. Sadly, some people are better at causing additional grief than making efforts to help.

Thank you for all your compliments! We do need to support each other, always. Those of us who have been abused share a bond that requires faith, strength, hope, and constant encouragement. I’m glad you refused to listen to hurtful words. It may take a lifetime to heal, but you are not alone.

Karen

Comment by Ella Rose on 19 Feb 2010 at 1:48 pm Karen!!!!!!!!
OMG OMG OMG What a miracle you ARE!!!!! I would have killed everyone in sight. I believe God held your hand back from attacking more than many times. What can you say to help people who do attack and kill their abusers? What could you say prevents some from acting on impulse and not you? What can you say is why you kept secrets and feelings close without revealing them to someone? What made you not wish to kill your therapist? I would have killed him after telling him my story. I love your determination to survive but you must have had divine intervention. Angels must surround you. God must love you. Does your therapist know how lucky he is to be alive? Did you ever want to hurt him? The beginning of the book I was pissed at him. By the end he was okay. But really didn’t he piss you off? You are a true survivor. Thanks for allowing your story to be told.

Ella Rose

Charlotte, NC

Dear Ella Rose,

I understand how you feel. I’ll admit I had thoughts of eliminating my abusers from my life, but not by killing them. I would have preferred for them to suffer their remaining days imprisoned, unable to touch or abuse another child or adult ever again. A lifetime imprisoned for their acts isn’t long enough so I assume their afterlife will also be pure hell. I know God forgives and has died for us, but I can’t see those who abuse getting off that easy.

If I had killed my abusers, I would’ve been imprisoned for life after already living in my own inner prison. I’ve already experienced enough pain to last my lifetime, and I don’t need to think about the bars of a prison cell. I’ve learned that having dark thoughts against those who hurt me was okay, as long as I didn’t act on them. Keeping secrets is a coping mechanism. I was taught never to be aggressive. If I were to show signs of aggression or refusal, my abuse would’ve been much worse. I feared death. Being compliant with alter help was my best way to survive

Killing my therapist, Dr. Baer? Now why would I do that? Dr. Baer was the only man I could trust to accompany me on my journey to heal. No matter how horrible I was, he stood by me, unconditionally caring for me, all the way through today. I was lucky to have found him and believe he was God-sent. I hated men, all men, and working with Dr. Baer was a challenge. I wanted to give up time and again, but he never bought into that. I couldn’t end my life like I wanted to because I knew my death would devastate him.  Please know that Dr. Baer is a good man and though there were times I became angry with him, and he with me, I knew my anger was misdirected. Dr. Baer was safe to express my anger to. I am grateful for all that he’s done for me.

My survival took teamwork. My faith in God, angels, Dr. Baer, friends, family, and my alters gave me the will to live without shame and pain. I know God loves me.

Thank you for sharing, expressing your concerns, and for your compliments! I love challenging questions.

Karen