Comment by Teddi, UK on 11 Apr 2010 at 10:15 am

Read your book. Fascinating and perfectly written to carry many years of horror and gladness. I have a question. when you switched from one to another part of you did you ever feel anxious, depressed, nauseated and have some kind of great immediate bodily attack to your overall being? I can’t seem to get the switch… I am a student and have this assignment to make a short fifteen minute powerful drama. I want to do it on you. It’s school, not professional and I’m not making any money on it. Hope it doesn’t make you mad. I am not making your illness comic. But I first want to ask you if you mind and second if your okay I want to get it right. I don’t want anyone to make fun of it but make it real to be understood. Thank you kindly. 
Switching Time is an amazing read, should be made into a play or movie. It has the right amount of everything needed to be accomplished. I hope someone picks it up. I will be the first in line to buy a ticket. Best of Luck.

Teddi, UK

Dear Teddi,

Thank you for all your wonderful compliments! When I switched to another alter I would feel a sudden drop, as if I was about to faint and someone pushed a pause button on me. I wouldn’t feel depressed or anxious, but at times I would fear someone might notice. There were times when I felt nauseous, but that would happen if the switch was too sudden and accompanied by a headache. Headaches from switching were always a problem. After a switch, it would take me several moments to regroup. I would try my best to stay calm and not bring attention to myself. Sometimes people around me would ask, “Are you ok?” “Watcha thinking about?” or “You look spaced out,” but I would laugh those comments off without trying to explain a switch to someone who has no idea what she just witnessed.

I don’t mind you using some part of my story for a short scene for school. I’m actually intrigued that you would want to. I’ll take that as a compliment. I believe sharing will bring knowledge and awareness to this illness.

Thank you for sharing your desire for my story to become a movie or documentary. I’ll be sure to post the news if that ever happens.

Wishing you the best of luck with your assignment!

Karen

Comment by Annajean, Briget and company on 11 Apr 2010 at 4:44 am

Dear Karen,

A note to self: Never forget Karen’s story. A note to Karen: Thank you for helping me breathe again. I was smothered by my past abuse. I tried to keep it down, stuffing it all the time. Then wore out so bad I contemplated ending my life. Never knew therapy and releasing my pain in the safety of therapy (your words) could help release not only my inner pain but the weight off my shoulders. I am starting to feel alive again. Integration doesn’t sound as horrible as I thought it to be. My therapist and I are talking about starting integration next month. I have five alters and like Dr. Baer wrote mine are finally (all on board). Thank you Karen, Oh karen, say thank you to Dr. Baer from me, too.

Annajean, Briget, Nell, Bobbi Socks, Patsy, and Theresa

Dear Annajean, Briget, Nell, Bobbi Socks, Patsy and Theresa,

I am glad to hear the weight has lifted off your shoulders and all your alters are now on board! That’s most important and now’s the best time to start integration. Though I’m not a therapist, I believe, based on my own personal experience, that once integration begins, the smothering feeling your are experiencing will lessen. I found sharing the deepest stories that imprisoned me, in the safety of therapy, released the tension, which in turn helped free my alters leaving them able to understand that their separate ways of helping me were no longer needed. That I, as a whole adult, would be able to handle things going forward.

I understand that doubts may resurface, but for me, integration proved to be a blessing. I never lost my separate selves; they are all me. My alters will always be a part of me. I now live a life I once thought impossible, as one.

Please feel free to write back and share how you are doing. My best wishes to you for a safe journey to becoming one. I will most certainly pass on your thank you to Dr. Baer.

Karen

Comment by Raina on 09 Apr 2010 at 7:22 pm

Karen,

Thank you and Richard Baer for telling a story so horrific and inspirational at the same time. I swear I didn’t think I had the courage to get through it but I persevered and so glad I did. You are amazing. I am appalled that children are abused. I wish more people read your book. Maybe then abuse will lessen. People need to know the truth about child molesters and predators.

Raina,

Vermont

Dear Raina,

I agree! All people: teachers, caregivers, parents, everyone needs to pay attention to the signs of an abused child. When I was a child, I was threatened into compliance and warned that if I told, I’d be killed. I believe the more knowledge is shared the less abuse will happen. If children know the difference between good touch and bad touch, they are more likely to tell someone if they are mistreated. That’s my hope, and why I share my story. No child needs to suffer abuse. It’s never the fault of the child.

I am glad you finished my story. I appreciate your honesty. I know Switching Time’s a difficult read. But at the same time, inspirational and rich with hope.

Thank you for sharing.

Karen

Comment by Mary on 08 Apr 2010 at 9:29 am

Hi Karen,

Blessing to you! I read your story and found it very inspirational. My question refers to your switching ability during your marriage. When your alters came back full force after the birth of your daughter did you find hard to maintain intimacy with your husband. Was there a ‘turnoff’ point where you recall not wanting to be intimate with him or vice versa. As a woman suffering from DID I am having difficulties in this area. I am in therapy and it’s helped but how did YOU keep your alters out of the bedroom? I would like to know how I can maintain my femininity? Thank you.

Mary

Dear Mary,

My alters were always present, but were largely dormant until the trauma of my daughter’s birth triggered them back in full force in order to help me survive. My alters were very protective of me and my best interest was always their highest priority. I believe my intimacy with my husband would not have been affected if he could’ve understood what happened to me during my childhood. But I had never shared my abusive past with him because I always tried to cover things up and put on a good face. Perhaps he felt betrayed.

My husband and I shared a good intimate relationship before the birth of our daughter.  But after her birth, because of my switching, it was difficult because I couldn’t remember us being married or intimate. My memory was disassociated within me. After her birth, I didn’t even recognize him.  As I relearned what my life was all about, I tried my best to be the woman my husband married. I lived a lie. I faked and guessed how I should act, but he could tell I was not the same. My husband never knew what happened to me and felt rejected; his rejection then turned to anger, and finally his frustration caused him to hate and abuse me.

During my hospital stay for depression, one doctor on staff (not Dr. Baer) thought it wise to share with my husband that I had been abused. BIG mistake. If I had been the one to tell him, things may have been different. Sadly, my world collapsed when my husband was told and he was disgusted by my history of being abused. From that point on my husband completely stopped being intimate with me and loving me. He started drinking heavily and alcoholism soon followed.

My alters stayed out of the bedroom as long as love and intimacy was present with kindness, compatibility, respect, and trust. If I became afraid, my alters’ survivor instinct would kick into place and I could attack and hurt my husband. Actually, I believe my alters Miles and Karl kicked my husband out of bed several times.

Thank your for your questions. Wishing you peace as you continue your own journey to wellness.

Karen

Comment by Nora, CT on 07 Apr 2010 at 9:14 am

Dear Karen,

I hope this letter finds you well. I just finished reading your book and can’t seem to settle down to sleep. I sat here at my computer reading your blog for four hours. Just can’t get enough of you. I am exhausted and ready for bed but wanted to write to you first to thank you for sharing. Knowing you survived has left me feeling hugged. Without you ever knowing it you wrapped me in a blanket and are now tucking into bed. Strange I know. I can rest in peace because of you. I can’t express much more at this time. Thank you. Love you. I feel hopeful. Switching Time had had an impact on my life in a promising way.

Nora
CT

Dear Nora,

You’re welcome! Thank you for sharing your kind thoughts and compliments. I am blessed and feel it is a privilege for me to share my story and encourage hope.  I can empathize with you staying up past the point of exhaustion because I do the same when I am interested in something I’m reading. I’m touched that my story has done the same for you.

I’m glad to hear that you can rest, feel hugged, and that my story has had a promising influence in your life.  My story can be difficult to read, but I believe for those who finish the book they gain empathy and understanding for the journey Dr. Baer and I shared.

My journey continues…

Karen

Comment by Vanessa on 05 Apr 2010 at 3:40 pm

With such grace and sophistication how do you suppose your survival’s impact has on children who are abused? Children must not read your story due to the adult nature written so how do you reach the children? I found you inspirational and am impressed with your ability to share. Thank you for sharing your time! Thank you, Richard Baer, for providing your time to care for Karen. Blessings.

Dear Vanessa,

It’s my hope that young children will not read my story. It’s not a story children can comprehend. My story is told to encourage hope through sharing and bringing knowledge to adults, parents, relatives, friends, school teachers, neighbors, doctors, care givers and all those who ever come into contact with a child who shows the tell-tale signs of being mistreated. There are signs if we know what to watch for. That’s our hope for “Switching Time,” for my story to help provide knowledge.

No one paid attention to the signs of my being an abused child, and signs were most certainly present. I believe back in the sixties and seventies no one knew what to do and were afraid to speak about such things. In recent years, more than a dozen adults from my past have come forward to apologize for NOT doing anything when they suspected something was happening to me. Although there were a few I shared with, they never helped me and ignored my pain. I always felt alone. I pray no child ever experiences what I once endured. With Dr. Baer, I was fortunate to fall into the right hands and receive help. Not enough victims do. 

Please know that it’s never too late to make a difference. Never falsely accuse, but pay attention, be cautious, and help keep all of our children safe. Tell your child they can openly share anything with you, that they need not be afraid. I never knew that what happened to me was abuse because I was groomed to regard my abuse as normal from early on. I wish one adult would’ve stepped up to help me. Sadly, not one did.

Thank you for your compliments! I will pass them on to Dr. Baer, too! 

Karen

Comment by Sarah on 04 Apr 2010 at 7:32 pm

I am ordering your book. I have been in therapy for almost 9 years now….currently occasionally co-conscious. Integration for me is going to mean that my system has a well developed communication system. We will never become “one,” that is an unacceptable and maybe even unattainable goal. I would like to post a link to my blog which contains my story, but want to ask you first if that is okay. I feel compelled to let other “singletons” know what it is like to be many. I want there to be less fear and stigma related to persons with DID and also to let others with DID know there are many of us out here. I feel so less alone now that I have began developing a network of people with DID. Please let me know if it’s okay with you to post the link to my blog and my story.

Dear Sarah,

Never say never. In a multiple’s world there is no such meaning.  That’s simply setting you up to wall (Wait A Little Longer) off your therapy and future success. I know you may not understand that at this time.  I, too, once felt like you. I said never myself, but time and reality paved my path for me. Alters are created to accompany you when as a child you can’t take care of yourself. The alters helped you survive and will always be a part of you after integration, just not as separate selves. Please give therapy a chance and not jeopardize your healing ahead of time.

I fantasized that my alters would be okay someday to stay as they were in my adult world, but sadly it wasn’t possible. Lost time, confusion, and sadness will consistently follow. Of course there may be times of less stress where your alters lay dormant, but once something triggers them they come back and can cause alter chaos. I am in no way saying it’s not possible to live with alters, what I am saying, in my opinion, is that you should keep an open mind regarding integration. My alters are me. I am my alters. We are one. I don’t regret integration. I am no longer living in fear of my past and what my alters can or will do to prevent me from moving forward and living my best life.

I wish you success as you continue your journey to heal. I’m sorry but we don’t put links to other Web pages on my blog. Please know that you can ask me any questions here. And please, if you do choose to read Switching Time, share your thoughts with someone, especially your therapist. My story has the tendency to trigger feelings that you may not be aware of at this time.

Karen

Comment by Dawn on 03 Apr 2010 at 11:31 am

Hi Karen,

Thank you for all that you do here and on facebook and on IMDb. I value you. So do lots of people. I had questions but found my answers here. so I won’t bother you today. If I think up another question I’ll write back. Hope your happy this spring season. Don’t know what you still believe,after being abused, in regards to this holiday but Happy Easter! Do you regret Catholic school? Do you remember church, stations fasting on Fridays and all the rest? Sending you love, and hugs!

Blessings to you!

Dawn

Dear Dawn,

You’re welcome! I’m glad I’m in the position to help others through my experiences in healing. Helping others and sharing gives me purpose.

I still believe. I don’t regret Catholic School. The school did not abuse me. And yes, I do remember all the sacraments, stations of the cross, confession, fasting every Friday, and especially the silence on Good Friday between 12 and 3 p.m. How could I possibly forget such routines. I believe many who have attended Catholic School would agree, it’s hard to forget all that we experienced on school days and after.

Thank you for your kind thoughts and compliments! I appreciated hearing them. Please know you can write back anytime you have further questions.

Karen

Comment by Ashley on 02 Apr 2010 at 8:56 pm

Hi Karen! I just finished reading switching time yesterday. I can honestly and sincerely say that I have never read anything that has been able to bring out so much emotion in me. I cannot believe you were able to survive all that you have been through. I had a couple of questions I was hoping you could answer…Do you ever hear the alters or are they forever integrated? Also, How are things going for you now? I hope you are filled with blessings every day because you truly deserve them.

Thank you so much for allowing Dr. Baer to write about this experience because I guarantee it has truly changed many lives…including mine.

Sincerely,

Ashley, U.S.A

p.s. I know you have probably heard this already but please! please! please! write a sequel

Dear Ashley,

Thank you! I know my story can stir up many emotions. Sometimes I can’t believe I’m here myself, alive and well! I’m grateful for all of the help and support my alters received from Dr. Baer. My healing was possible because of faith, will, and teamwork. I believe my alters and Dr. Baer were God sent.

I no longer hear my alters in the same way as before integration. Though I never hear voices anymore, there are times I may feel a bit like one of them. I can tell my alters are a part of me, forever integrated, never to be known as their once individual selves. When I have thoughts, feelings, or cravings that once belonged to an alter, I smile because they are pleasant reminders and not traumatic. My pain of the past has been removed. My alters are me. I am my alters. We are one.

I do my best to keep positive thoughts up front. I wake each day grateful to be here. I am blessed many times over. But I admit to having bad moments now and then, not often, but when a dark thought creeps back into my life I need to fight it off quickly and keep it in the past where it belongs. There is no room in my present or future to be held hostage by my past. I’ve grown and continue to learn something new about myself each day.

Thank you for your kind thoughts, compliments, and sharing that my story has made a difference in your life. That means the world to me. I am honored by your request for a sequel. I am working on one.

Karen

Comment by Stan on 02 Apr 2010 at 12:57 am

Karen,

Please describe what it felt like to be manipulated and controlled into the state of mind which caused you to split or switch? Can you recall the level feeling of pain felt during your abuse and share one of your experiences? Any one?

Thank you. Stan

Dear Stan,

My feelings? They’re hard to explain but I will try my best to answer you. It’s a horrific paralyzing feeling, the worst pain you can imagine, a pain unlike any other, pain that is so extreme that I would rather sever a limb than feel it.  And when in the middle of this extreme emotional pain, I’d let go, hoping to die, praying for God to take me, letting go to another world where l never felt pain again, an alternate world run by the alternate parts of me. A world within myself, my own inner world where my pain was split into fragments to other separate parts of me.  My mind created different parts of me, each one holding fragments of my many pains. I let go and split myself up in order to one day live again.

For me to survive, I had to be many different people in one. I had to be the perfect child, the vulnerable sick child, the child who pretended all was well, the child who attended school and believed in God, the children who adapted to each and every situation, event, or episode of abuse in order to stay alive. If I had not been compliant, I believe I may have been killed. That was what I was taught. As  a child, my abusers coerced me into compliance. My abusers used God and evil simultaneously to keep me trapped in fear.  I tried to sense ahead of time when I would be abused. Then my mind started the preparation for survival. I would become numb, trancelike, and do what I was told to try to lessen the impact of the abuse. I always switched before, during, and after being hurt so that not one alter experienced an entire abusive act.

Dr. Baer may be able to explain my mind better than me. I’m not sure if your question was answered but hope my answer helped in some way.

Karen