Comment by Dean MD on 30 Apr 2010 at 9:03 am

Karen,

What a wealth of knowledge you bring forth in your answers. I am a professor teaching psychology. I am impressed with your wisdom to answer difficult questions with accuracy and compassion. How you do this is a testimony of great strength of your healing journey. I would hope my patients and students one day gain the insight you have. Richard Baer has done a marvelous job in treating you. It would be great to put all your answers into book form. I read until near blind but always preferred a book in hand.

Thank you. God Bless!

Dean M.D., Ohio

Dear Dr. Dean,

Thank you for all your kind thoughts, compliments and especially your blessing!  I truly appreciate hearing you believe I have wisdom. I also agree Dr. Baer did a marvelous job treating me. I’m sure he will be happy to accept your compliment. That means the world to me. I try my best to answer all questions from my personal experiences. Dr. Baer is there for me when I need him. Our work together has always been based on teamwork!

I would love to pull all my answers together in book form.  Maybe some day, God willing, my answers will find their way into the sequel to Switching Time!

Have a wonderful day!

Karen

Comment by Marge on 29 Apr 2010 at 11:35 pm

Dear Karen,

Do you make personal visits to abuse victims? My daughter age 41 attempted suicide because her father raped her when she was twelve. I divorced him right after I found out. He admitted in detail what he had done to her. He is disgusting. He tried to say he was abused to and said he was making her feel better not raping her. I feel sick writing to you but my daughter slit her wrists on April 21st. She’s out of Intensive Care and on a psych unit. We live in Wyoming. Any chance of coming to visit her. I know she admires you because she asked me to talk to you. What about Dr. Baer can he treat her or tell us who can? She is like you Karen. She has mpd with ten parts. She read your book. Dr. Baer may know what to do. You are her last hope.

Marge

Dear Marge,

I’m so sorry I was not able to get back to you sooner. I hope your daughter is safe, and starting her recovery process. I’ve visited a few victims who were nearby, but don’t usually do so. I am not a therapist and can’t give advice. I couldn’t give your daughter the attention she would require to help her heal. I’m sure there are wonderful therapists in Wyoming who could help her. When she feels up to it, she can write to me here. Dr. Baer is no longer in practice, and since we both live in Chicago, it would be difficult for either of us to participate in your daughter’s treatment. I’m glad to hear your daughter read my story, but I wonder if something in it triggered her own memories of past abuse? Triggers can cause deep feelings to appear when least expected, and without treatment can cause depression, low self-esteem, and suicidal thoughts.

I’m also happy to hear you took the right actions once you found out what happened to your daughter. I know that leaving a marriage must have been traumatic for both of you. Abuse is abuse. Through your strength and courage, you left an abusive relationship, which was the right thing to do. I’m sorry your daughter continues to suffer. I admit I continue to have occasional dark thoughts, too, but I try my best to move forward. My past pain belongs in my past. You didn’t mention if this was your daughter’s first suicide attempt at age 41, but either way she must confront her past with a qualified therapist.

Wishing you and your daughter all my best for a safe journey to wellness.

Karen

Comment by Justin on 28 Apr 2010 at 8:08 pm

Karen,

Bravo. You are a kind soul. Thank you for allowing your story to be written. I never read a book like A Life in Pieces before. I support healing. I support you and the good doctors work.

Justin UK

Dear Justin,

Thank you for believing me to be a kind soul, supporting my work with Dr. Baer and for sharing your thoughts. I’m glad to hear you support healing. Dr. Baer and I truly appreciate hearing from you.

Wishing you all my best,

Karen

Comment by Stephanie, Brazil on 28 Apr 2010 at 9:44 am

Hi Karen,

What is the age difference between you and your Dr. Baer? I am curious because you refer to him sometimes as a father figure. How do you identify with the father in him? Can’t be much difference in age. Is he old in looks and spirit compared to you? I loved the story you both wrote. I am pleased to say you have inspired me to make a difference in my life. I held grudges with a lot of people. Because of the book I let go and feel so much more free-er. Thank you Dr. Baer and Karen for sharing your work together. I am recommending your book to anyone who cares about people and that’s all of my friends and family.

Best wishes.

Stephanie, Brazil

Dear Stephanie, 

There is an age difference of seven years between us: Dr. Baer is the elder. But his age had no effect during my therapy, and age holds little meaning for me. I never compared our ages. Our therapeutic relationship was based on mutual respect and trust. I often refer to Dr. Baer as my father figure because my own biological father never parented me. When I fell into Dr. Baer’s unconditional care, I craved guidance in the same way a child requires guidance to mature—through love, care, and protection. Dr. Baer nurtured me. My alters needed parental guidance and accepted Dr. Baer as their “father.” Dr. Baer accepted all parts of me. It took many years of building trust to combat my constant desire to end my life. Dr. Baer did the best he could to treat me with compassion and respect.  He never gave up on me and therefore created an atmosphere in which I felt unconditionally loved and cared for, much like a loving parent would provide for his own children.

Dr. Baer’s looks and spirit never appeared old. His spirit provided me with a sense of calm and confidence in knowing I could heal.  I see Dr. Baer as my Yoda, from “Star Wars”; my sensei from the “Karate Kid”, my mentor, confidant and trusted friend. Dr. Baer fit the mold my alters and I needed to heal. Sadly, just like all fathers who believe in letting go of their children when they feel it’s the right time, I’m no longer under Dr. Baer’s professional care. Sometimes I wish I was. It’s been a struggle for me to continue on my own, as one woman. But I do the best I can every day.

Thank you for sharing your story! I’m glad you feel free and no longer hold grudges from your past. It’s an amazing feeling to remove the weight of the past and learn to live your life to the fullest, without the extra baggage.

Thank you for your thought provoking questions.

Karen

Comment by Shoshanni in Ireland on 27 Apr 2010 at 4:28 pm

Hi Karen,

I was watching a movie called The Lovely Bones and was wondering if you ever fantasized about dying and living among the dead to take out your abusers karma influence? I can’t understand being abused like you were but I know what if feels like to be physically abused and wishing to be dead or wanting to be killed. Did you ever have thoughts of what would it be like to die from your wounds instead of creating alternate personalities? Do you ever think death to be a better alternative to living? I would love to see a movie about you, not of the book but about you. I bet you set high expectations to fit in with people who can’t see the marvelous wisdom you possess. If you die will you come back? I think you will.

Shoshanni

Dear Shoshanni,

Very interesting questions. Thank you for asking. I rented the movie “The Lovely Bones” last night to get a better understanding of your questions. I understand where you are coming from. And yes, I had many thoughts about what would have happened if I were to die and stick around until justice was done to my abusers. We all fantasize about how we can take control of our own lives, survive horror, and heal. It’s tough to feel hurt and not be in control of our experiences. But I believe as a child my creating alters was a blessing so that I’d never act out and plan to kill myself, something I would regret later. Of course, I wanted to die many times. I was repeatedly tortured and abused. The thought of death often appeared comforting. It still does at times. In the movie, the twelve-year-old girl, Susie, was murdered. I often wished my abusers would murder me, too. That came from my childlike emotions and insecurities of feeling alone and without love.

Karma. That is a mystery. I believe there is a reason for everything and what goes around comes around. I believe my abusers have met their fate before and after their deaths. Sadly the pain caused from being abused leaves near permanent scars that are hard to remove. I try my best to move away from past pain and memories, but sadly, time and again, something will trigger old dark thoughts. There’s no room for past pain to control my present life; my pain belongs in the past. And there it shall stay.

Dying is a part of life. When feeling stressed, troubled, or down, my thoughts immediately drift to the need to die sooner rather than later. But that is unrealistic thinking. I have much more to live for than to die for. As an adult there are other ways to think through pain and trauma.  It’s a constant struggle to quickly change triggered dark thoughts, but I continue to try my best every day.  I’m not sure about afterlife or coming back, but if there is a chance for me to do so, I will most certainly return.

Thank you for sharing your wishes for a movie of my story. I believe some day a movie may be possible after my sequel is written. There is much more to my story than what is written in Switching Time.

Karen

Comment by Hallie on 26 Apr 2010 at 5:47 pm

Hi Awesome Survivor!

Thank you, Karen, for telling your story to Dr. Baer and for believing in the power of faith. I finished reading the book today. I cried many times while reading it and in the end cried happy tears. I feel as if I ran ten marathons while reading your book but now I feel at peace. I like you. Thank God you are ALIVE!

Dear Hallie,

You’re welcome! Thank you for sharing and believing, as I do, in the power of faith.  I’m glad you finished Switching Time. That’s important to do with my book that shares my horrific story. I believe those who leave the story unfinished can’t envision the true miracle of surviving this incomprehensible illness. I admit when reading some books I’d rather toss them aside but I never do. I read on and am often pleased to find that the story gets better. Sharing the graphic details of my past was hard to do, but in my opinion, necessary to understand what can happen to a child who has suffered abuse. 

I am glad you cried happy tears at the end. Rest now. I understand the feeling of running ten marathons when emotionally overwhelmed. I’ve been there, too. Thank you for your honesty.  I am glad you feel at peace. And I feel grateful to be alive.

Wishing you all my best.

Karen

Comment by Ellsin on 24 Apr 2010 at 9:03 pm

Dear Karen,

Do you believe in multiple personality disorder support groups? If so why? If not why not?

Ellisin

Dear Ellisin,

I’m not sure how to answer your question.  I’ve never attended group therapy for multiplicity. I can’t say I believe a group setting would work, at least not for me. I can’t imagine how it could. Just the thought of several multiples sitting together with all their alters present overwhelms me. Too much exposure, not enough individual attention, and therefore impossible for me to comprehend. Maybe a group for integrated multiples could work?

Once someone invited me to attend an MPD group, but I declined for fear of being influenced in the wrong direction regarding integration. The person who invited me was against integration.    He tried to convince me not to integrate and instead embrace each alter, allowing them to live through me.  I sensed something not right from the start about him and soon found he was a fake. My instincts were right.

I decided to integrate because my alters were no longer needed in my adult world and caused me chaos.  I chose to be treated by Dr. Baer as my psychiatrist without any outside help or support. My therapy worked for me. In my opinion, a multiple like me has her own “group” meetings going on inside. There was no need for any outside interference.

Wishing you all my best.

Karen

Comment by Glenn on 23 Apr 2010 at 12:04 pm

Hi Karen,

Happened to read your story this week. I admire you. I have a friend who is mpd. We spent one evening a week ago watching Sybil and United States of Tara. She felt both stories to be extreme and exaggerated. I bought Switching Time and gave her the book after. She said and I agree your case is the first case that makes sense. Thank you for writing it. One question. If you met a fellow mpd patient would you recognize the symptoms if the person was real or not?

Dear Glenn,

Thank you for sharing! I, too, had a difficult time watching Sybil and United States of Tara. Actually, I never completely finished watching Sybil. As for United States of Tara, I did watch every episode during the first season and left many comments on the IMDb message board. There were some similarities to me, but sadly multiplicity, as an illness, was distorted. I’m glad I never watched these shows or movies during my therapy years. I would have found myself distracted, overwhelmed, and in inner turmoil. I’m not sure how your friend perceived watching these shows, but I would hope she discussed doing so with her therapist. Each multiple is unique. I’m not like the dramatic depiction of Sybil or Tara of USoT.  Both are exaggerated depictions of an illness, but I understand the truth may be too boring for an audience in need of drama.

Thank you for buying Switching Time, reading it, and sharing it with your girlfriend. I’m glad to hear you both agree my story made more sense and will help your friend’s healing. That’s very important to me: to know my story can make a difference.

I never ran into someone I recognized as a multiple. But I think I would be able to tell whether someone was faking multiplicity. I pick up on people’s emotions more than I wish to. Maybe it’s my sixth sense. Sadly, there are some who fake this illness to draw attention to themselves.

Thank you for your compliments.

Karen

Comment by O Friend on 21 Apr 2010 at 9:56 am

Good day, Karen!

Thought about you today and wondered how your spirit is these days? You work so hard to share here and on facebook; but I don’t understand why your blog page is so behind. Are you ill? Suffering spiritually? or is someone preventing you from moving forward by keeping your word away from us? I feel a heaviness for you. I enjoy reading your answers, you inspired me to move forward. Who is there for you? In your book there is something missing, the new you. Have you found yourself yet? If not, why?
Love you to know how much we all care for you. I work for Oprah. Need to remain anonymous for now. Good Luck! Do not allow anyone to keep you from your dreams. Keep dreaming, Karen.

O Friend

Dear O Friend,

I’m trying my best to dream forward. No one can take my dreams away from me. Thank you for sharing and expressing your concerns over my blog being a bit behind. I answer each person individually and personally here and on Facebook from many different countries. I do my best to stay current, but I also work at a full time job. I work hard at everything and secretly wish that answering questions could be my full time job, but it’s not. I love to write and am working on a sequel to Switching Time. I enjoy sharing and helping others and will continue to do so for as long as I can.

I would love to talk with Oprah someday. I believe if she read my story and met me she would find me to be someone who not only could she identify with, but all who have been abused and suffered could as well. If it is meant to be, it will be. I have always admired Oprah for all that she has done to help others. In more than one way, I identify with her and try to help others as she does, not monetarily, but emotionally and spiritually. I believe it is my purpose to comfort those who are hurting.

I admit I feel spiritually drained at times, but I continue to move forward anyway. I’m waiting for my spirit to catch up with all my heart aches to accomplish. In the meantime I am here, a survivor. I’m willing to help others through sharing my story.

Thank you for your caring support. It would be nice to meet you some day.

Wishing you a future filled with success.

Karen