Comment by Stephanie, Brazil on 28 Apr 2010 at 9:44 am

Hi Karen,

What is the age difference between you and your Dr. Baer? I am curious because you refer to him sometimes as a father figure. How do you identify with the father in him? Can’t be much difference in age. Is he old in looks and spirit compared to you? I loved the story you both wrote. I am pleased to say you have inspired me to make a difference in my life. I held grudges with a lot of people. Because of the book I let go and feel so much more free-er. Thank you Dr. Baer and Karen for sharing your work together. I am recommending your book to anyone who cares about people and that’s all of my friends and family.

Best wishes.

Stephanie, Brazil

Dear Stephanie, 

There is an age difference of seven years between us: Dr. Baer is the elder. But his age had no effect during my therapy, and age holds little meaning for me. I never compared our ages. Our therapeutic relationship was based on mutual respect and trust. I often refer to Dr. Baer as my father figure because my own biological father never parented me. When I fell into Dr. Baer’s unconditional care, I craved guidance in the same way a child requires guidance to mature—through love, care, and protection. Dr. Baer nurtured me. My alters needed parental guidance and accepted Dr. Baer as their “father.” Dr. Baer accepted all parts of me. It took many years of building trust to combat my constant desire to end my life. Dr. Baer did the best he could to treat me with compassion and respect.  He never gave up on me and therefore created an atmosphere in which I felt unconditionally loved and cared for, much like a loving parent would provide for his own children.

Dr. Baer’s looks and spirit never appeared old. His spirit provided me with a sense of calm and confidence in knowing I could heal.  I see Dr. Baer as my Yoda, from “Star Wars”; my sensei from the “Karate Kid”, my mentor, confidant and trusted friend. Dr. Baer fit the mold my alters and I needed to heal. Sadly, just like all fathers who believe in letting go of their children when they feel it’s the right time, I’m no longer under Dr. Baer’s professional care. Sometimes I wish I was. It’s been a struggle for me to continue on my own, as one woman. But I do the best I can every day.

Thank you for sharing your story! I’m glad you feel free and no longer hold grudges from your past. It’s an amazing feeling to remove the weight of the past and learn to live your life to the fullest, without the extra baggage.

Thank you for your thought provoking questions.

Karen