Bridget on Questions for Karen: “Hi Karen, I just got done reading your book. I was told that there was possibly a sequel that had…” Sep 20, 18:26Karen answers Sue
Richard Baer on Jun 13th 2009
Comment by Sue on 07 Jun 2009 at 4:19 pmKaren, I just finished ‘Switching Time’ and hope every day you gain even more strength and pride from the knowledge of the strength it took for you to survive the horrific events of your early life. The fact that you turned to alters and, later, Dr. Baer, for the strength and courage to live and not succomb to death, shows tremendous capacity to stare adversity in the face and come out on top. It must still be difficult for you but you truly are amazing. As someone who’s been through various therapies and worked with many therapists, I know how truly amazing it is that you found Dr. Baer on, what appears to have been, your first attempt at counseling.
I have a few questions which may not be appropriate. I mean no offense and understand if you choose to not answer them.
I’m curious as to whether your brothers were ever victimized by the many family members and community people who hurt you? I wonder, also, if you’ve had concern about a genetic possibility of them, as males, abusing family members.
Finally, at what point did you tell your children about what you had been through and did it involve a meeting with Dr. Baer?
Thank you for the courage it must have taken to share your story.
Sue
Dear Sue,
Thank you so much for your kind thoughts and for understanding the difficulties I’ve had in overcoming my terrible past. I am truly blessed to have found Dr. Baer on my first attempt to seek help. Before Dr. Baer, immediately after giving birth to my daughter, there was one therapist who tried to help me deal with the pain after my cesarean section went wrong. I believe we only spoke twice.
A couple years after my daughters birth, I knew I was in trouble. Large parts of my day were missing and unknown. I felt sad all the time. I tried to dismiss everything as just having a bad day, but I no longer could pretend. I was not well and losing time. I needed help. It was pure fate that I found the right therapist, Dr. Baer. God was surely present. I was in such a fragile state, I didn’t care, and I thought dying was my best option. I believe Dr. Baer knew this from the start and paid special attention to signs that may have gone unnoticed by someone else. I was lucky in this.
Regarding your questions, there are no questions that I won’t try to handle. The few that cause me concern, Dr. Baer will help me with them.
Yes, my brother’s were victimized, too, but not exactly in the same way, for they were boys and not sexually interesting to my abusers. My brothers were beaten on a regular basis, degraded, humiliated, and never treated with the care and nurturing required for young boys to grow into fine men. My brothers suspected things were happening to me, but I never shared the details.
Both of my brother’s are in their forties. One is married but never had children of his own. The other had two daughters who were never abused by him. Neither of my brothers took on the traits of my father, and I am grateful for that. I keep in touch with my nieces and they never once appeared as I did. And believe me, I would know.
During my therapeutic years, my children were aware that I was in therapy with Dr. Baer, but most of the time my sessions were during their school day. As my children became old enough to comprehend small doses of the reality of my parents, I would share bits and pieces that I wasn’t treated nicely. I never shared any of the traumatic memories with them.
My daughter, at age 21, read Switching Time, and she was amazed and proud of my survival. She had told me that I was the best mom and thanked me for not dragging her into such horror. My daughter came to a full understanding of my alters and could easily share stories of them that I had not known. I don’t believe my son has read my story yet, but he knows of it and has read many news articles about it. I believe some day he will, but it’s not necessary.
There was no need for my children to meet with Dr. Baer. I believe my therapy was a success due to the fact that Dr. Baer treated me so that I in turn could be the best mom I could be. I don’t believe dragging children into a parent’s therapy is always beneficial. For me, it could’ve caused more harm than good. I spoke to my children on my own, sharing what they needed to know at the appropriate time. Dr. Baer was always right there with me, in thought, and just a phone call away. If I ran into some parental problem, he guided me.
Thank you for all your compliments and for caring enough to ask your questions.
Karen