Bridget on Questions for Karen: “Hi Karen, I just got done reading your book. I was told that there was possibly a sequel that had…” Sep 20, 18:26Karen answers Samantha Jane
Richard Baer on Jun 18th 2009
Comment by Samantha, from Illinois on 17 Jun 2009 at 2:35 pmKaren,With Father’s Day coming up this weekend, how do you deal with it. In your writings you sometimes refer to Dr. Baer as a father figure of sorts even though you are near the same age. How do you feel about him now that your alters are gone and your birth father dead? I was thinking that this would be a difficult time for you. My prayers are with you. I admire your courage to share as well as Dr. Baer’s courage to take care of you. My prayers include your continued growth and success as life moves forward. None of my business but do you send Dr. Baer your fathers day cards? I would. Love the both of you. The book, the most inspirational journey I have read this year.Samantha Jane
Dear Samantha Jane,
Thank you for your question. I will try to answer you in the best way I can. Father’s Day is not a difficult day for me anymore. For me, I never recognized my birth father as my father. My birth father was never my Dad. As a matter of fact, I’ve never grieved the loss of my birth father. His death brought me relief. A dad never hurts his own child. A real father loves his child. Therefore, I had no father.
As a young child, to feel loved, I created my own version of what a real loving father should be. My mind created my alter, Holdon, to act as an inner father figure so that I could grow. My images of a father came from viewing actors who played fathers on television shows, such as Lassie, Father Know’s Best, Leave it to Beaver, Andy Griffith, and any others with a positive father figure I could take in and identify with.
During my therapeutic years, my alter Holdon gradually let go of the very important role he was created for, our system’s father figure. During that time, Dr. Baer became our system’s surrogate father. Holdon didn’t want to give up his position as head of our inner household, but it was necessary in order for me to heal. My alters grew to accept Dr. Baer, put their trust into him, and yes, see him as a father figure. Dr. Baer eventually worked together with Holdon to actually re-parent me. I don’t believe Dr. Baer had any idea that’s what happened, but it did. Dr. Baer became the most important male parental figure and role model to one hell of a broken me.
I believe I have sent Dr. Baer a Father’s Day card every year that I’ve known him. I already sent him a card yesterday. I will always continue to feel a very special bond to him, even though realistically I know he is not my father. I will always feel like Dr. Baer is a part of my family. After all, my alters, all seventeen of them, adopted him into our world. How else could I describe the unconditional love that it took to help me heal and survive all that I have?
Thank you very much for your prayers and compliments!
Karen