Comment by Stuart on 19 Jul 2009 at 6:16 pm

Hi Karen,

I know you might be busy but could you tell me more about what if felt like to move in and out while you went to school, work or out with people? I watched many different shows on your disorder. Each was never clear on switching, like the title of your book. When you switched did you feel tired… Did you faint or collapse? On your wedding you fainted then not usually during your life. What made you faint on your wedding day and not during regaular switches? What do you recall at the altar on your wedding day? What was going through your mind? Do you remember saying I do? What alter went on the honeymoon and where did you go?

I am interested to know more about you.

Stuart, Chicago

Dear Stuart,

I believe each multiple may experience switching in their own way.  For me, I would feel a slight faint coming on.  I call this a “pause.”  It was as if someone pushed a pause button for a moment and I’d fade away.  That’s when I would switch into an alter.  I’d also describe switching as the feeling of being on a descending elevator.  Whenever a switch would occur, I would feel exhausted afterwards.  However, these moments passed quickly and once I regrouped, I’d feel slightly disoriented, but fine. That’s how I’d describe the pause.

On my wedding day, I fainted for more than a few reasons.  As I walked down the aisle, I was escorted by my abuser, my father.  Second, as I approached the altar, I came face to face with the priest who participated in my being abused and never helped me.  This was the priest who witnessed the filming, knew of my pain, and didn’t stop it.  Third, just before my wedding there was a funeral mass, and the incense they used triggered me into a panic.  As I look back now, it makes sense why so many alters switched that day: alter chaos.

Unfortunately, I don’t recall the exact moment I said “I do”, nor do I remember the vows my ex-husband and I shared.  I wasn’t exactly present as myself.  I believe Karen 2 was the alter who attempted to marry my husband but backed out leaving other alters to deal with what was happening.  I do remember being told the priest shared a story from the Bible, in Acts, as I lay on the floor of the church where I fainted.  I believe I did say “I do”, otherwise I would’nt have received the marriage certificate.  I never went on a honeymoon. Because of my fainting, I spent the first week of my marriage at the hospital having a million tests, but nothing was ever found.  My multiplicity was yet to be discovered at that time.

Thank you for your thought provoking questions.  I hope your questions were answered.

Karen