Comment by Carol on 22 Jul 2009 at 7:44 pm

Karen,

In the book Dr. Baer describes looking at you and feeling a kind of awe. “She ’s an incredible human being,” he says, and I whole heartedly agree. I have daughters your age and it broke my heart to read the unspeakable horrors of your life. Yet, after everything, you seem to have found joy and want the same for others. I can’t wrap my brain around such individual personalities your alters had, they all truly seemed to be separate people. Yet, they were all part of you, saving yourself.  Karen, where did you find your courage?

Carol

Dear Carol,

It’s true, I’ve suffered unspeakable horrors, and my life continues to be affected.  What isn’t known to most is that I still hurt at times and that relationships can still hurt me.

There is nothing more in the world that I wish for than to help others.  I wish for no child to ever suffer as I have.  I believe Sharing my story has given me purpose.  I felt that if I could change the world with one act of kindness at a time, along with caring for people in a way that no one cared for me as a child, then my grief and pain would bring proper knowledge to an incomprehensible illness. People who abuse children should be locked away.

I believe my journey was indeed worth sharing.  To me, my alters were separate people, but to the outside world, the alters were not seen.  But my alters each believed themselves to be whole.  Actually, each alters was one part of a complex puzzle.  An alter could never stay out long enough to function independently as one person.  Only through integration did each alter merge together to become a part of me, a whole person.

My alters did save my life. It was my alters who decided when it was time to seek help, heal, and how to integrate.  A multiple can heal him or her self in a safe setting with a trusted guide to accompany them on their journey to wholeness.  I believe Dr. Baer was that one special person who I needed to accompany me on my journey to become whole.  I truly believe Dr. Baer and my alters were God sent.  I will always be grateful for the wonderful care my alters and I received.

My courage comes from deep within myself.  I learned about courage from those who inspired me.  There were a few people that crossed my path throughout my life and during my years of healing.  I would absorb all the good I could, from these relationships and from Dr. Baer, who never left my side.  Dr. Baer never once gave up on me during my healing years.  Dr. Baer re-parented me.  That alone made me feel special and gave me the courage to move forward.

But I believe the number one reason I have courage is because God loves me.  For me, feeling loved, having faith, and caring for others gives me the courage I need to live.

Thank you for your compliments and thought provoking questions.

Karen