Comment by Amy on 16 Aug 2009 at 4:14 pm

i hope that its ok that i write you here….i dont spend to much time on a computer and use my phone instead. Your blog wont load properly on my cell. If you feel that what i ask is germaine enough to be on your blog please feel free to copy and paste it. My first question is how can you live “safely” as karen overhill when it is a name given to protect your identity? Isnt that like creating a new alter? Ive been concerned abt this since i realized thats not your real name. Why didnt Dr Baer address this in his Afterword? Since your story has come out publicly have other abuse survivors from your neighborhood/church spoken to you abt their own experiences? Did “Bert” actually committ suicide in your presence or was that an alters take on how it would have happened? I had a hard time figuring that part out. Now that youve processed these events…how do you think this “cult” came to be? I was amazed at the positions some of these people were in…the priest..the cop. And also a part of a christian religion!!

Dear Amy,

Thank you for writing.  You can ask me questions here on the blog, or if you send questions to Facebook, then I can retrieve them and answer them here.

You’ve asked many interesting questions and I will try my best to answer them.  First, although I chose another name for privacy reasons, I am still the same person.  My reason for secrecy was not to to draw attention to me personally, but to be known as a woman who had gone through a horrific journey, one woman who survived and wished to live without attention.  I have shared myself with many friends and family members, and that’s good enough for me.  I’ve never been one to seek attention.

It’s funny that you mention your concern over my creating another alter.  I get that question a lot from my friends.  No, Karen is not another alter; she and I are the same person.  When I make appearances, answer questions, or need to be Karen for an interview, I am still me.  I just use a different name for privacy.  There really is no difference.  I admit, sometimes I need to be cautious about who I am talking to and sharing my story with. That can be funny at times, but also a bit frightening when someone exposes my true identity by mistake.  I am not ashamed of who I am, my being anonymous is more to protect others.  I believe Dr. Baer did address my name change. I know it’s in the book.

Recently I decided to start sharing with friends from my old neighborhood.  At first, I feared sharing.  I didn’t know their experiences and didn’t wish to create more chaos or drama, because despite my being abused, it’s a neighborhood full of wonderful people.  I connected with some of them through Facebook, through classmates, or through the phone book.  I re-connected with six past friends, not all had been abused as I was, but a few sure knew what was going on. To my surprise, each past friend was supportive and added addtional information that helped me understand how others reacted to what was going on. It was amazing to finally receive that type of closure and lay some of my fears to rest.

Yes, I did witness “Bert’s” suicide, but not as myself, through an alter.  I had switched and didn’t recall most details until after integration.  My father quickly ran from the room and fled. I’m not sure what happened afterward regarding the details of who called the police, if anyone else was there or knew, or anything else other than his apology.  I didn’t know the address or location where it happened being that I was too young to pay attention to those details. I confirmed these memories years later from my mother.

The “cult” was not actually a cult as in most stories.  My father and his friends just got together, most likely after watching or reading something about cults, and decided to try that type of abuse on me. This so called cult likely lasted only a few months before they turned their attention to another type of abuse.  These men were sick and perverted.  It was a sick men’s group of make believe that used children to satisfy their sick, perverted curiosity.

Thank you for your thought provoking questions.  I will try to answer your next set, part 2, in the same way.  I appreciate your interest.  It’s interesting for me to answer these puzzling questions in hope that you better understand why multiplicty was a God sent coping mechanism that helped me survive.

Karen