Comment by Amy on 16 Aug 2009 at 4:15 pm

I think the average person believes cults or satanism happens in “godless” places. Im just floored by it. How do people like that find each other? And the women…? How does this happen? Other than your father, were there any other arrests or convictions? The book mentions that most of your abuse happened up until age 13…what happened then? This next question is kinda odd but how do you think you managed to never become pregnant during the yrs of abuse? How do you think Drs missed all the obvious evidence of abuse? what have you told your children? Other family? Im so sorry to ask and demand so much….have you thought abt a follow up book? i want to ask more but this is plenty for now. Thank you so much. amy

Dear Amy,

I agree, most people do believe that cults and Satanism happen in godless places, but that could be far from the truth.  As in my case, my abusers were all attending church on a regular basis, my father himself would go to confession every Saturday, go to church faithfully every Sunday at noon, yet he wasn’t acting in a Christian way at all.

As children, my brothers and I were abused six days a week, leaving out most Sundays because Sunday was Church day.  How did these “cult” people find each other?  That’s a good question.  I believe my father gathered his friends by having parties that started with showing films of pornography with this huge old gray projector.  I remember his parties and his setting up his films.  Eventually child pornography films were mixed with the adults.  My father also filmed some himself.

Yes, there were other arrests.  I’m not sure of any convictions.  I was too young to recall.  I do remember when one of my abusers was imprisoned for a length of time.  I’m just not sure on what offense.  I believe my abuse lessened around the age thirteen because I graduated from the small, intimate catholic grade school and switched over to a public high school where I discovered not all girls were treated as I was.  My father and grandfather had less control over me, especially when I joined many clubs to stay away from home as long as possible.  I discovered during my freshman year health class, at the age of fourteen, that I was a victim of sexual abuse.  I didn’t know it had a name before that. It was at that time I knew something was wrong and threatened my grandfather and father. The sexual abuse by them may have stopped, but abuse continued in other forms.

I have no idea why I never became pregnant.  That’s a mystery to me, too!  I was more than surprised and happy to become pregnant for the first time at the age of twenty-three, four years into my marriage.  Before that I feared I was unable to conceive and have a child of my own, but God willing, I did, and now have two wonderful children.

My childhood pediatrician did not miss the signs I was being abused; she ignored them after confronting my mother, who claimed I hurt myself.  I have shared my story with my children. My daughter has read my story, my son has not.  After my son served in the war, I didn’t wish for him to grieve on my behalf.  One day he will read it when he’s ready.  My son knows most of the story from the interviews he’s read and is aware of the context.  My children have been supportive as well as the family members and friends I chose to share with.  And yes, I’m working on a follow-up book.

Thank you again for your questions and thoughts. I believe we each can learn from each other.

Karen