Comment by Stella on 17 Aug 2009 at 5:39 am

Dear Karen,

Thank you for your response, I found it helpful to know how you worked your way through some of the inevitable challenges in the therapeutic relationship.

I think one of the most difficult aspects of dealing with this type of disorder is the sense of isolation. A therapist is only a part of his patient’s life for a miniscule amount of time each week; the remainder of time is spent in isolation, even if the patient is surrounded by other people. Knowing that most people don’t have the understanding of what is taking place keeps us in our own little world – unfortunately.

There seems to be a misunderstanding in general about the nature and manifestation of dissociation, people are expecting to see a great deal of drama or obvious changes, which in reality are not very apparent unless you know what you are looking for. There is an expectation driven by sensationalism in the public forum that surrounds this disorder, and it makes a person struggling in this area very wary of letting others ‘in’. And the fact that trust is such a major issue only cements this feeling of ‘aloneness’ as we are delving deeper into our understanding of ourselves. Even if you are fortunate to find one other person with whom you can be free to share these things (which I have been truly blessed to have in my life), it still is difficult to articulate something that you don’t even have total comprehension of yourself.

I have to trust (there’s that pivotal word!) that in time the need to be transparent with those who are closest to me will find it’s fulfillment as my own understanding and acceptance of myself increases..

I am thankful to have found your blog; it lends a sense of connection outside of the therapist’s office, which by the amount of activity here, shows that many of us out here who are dealing with similar issues, really really crave.

I look forward to staying in touch through reading your responses and insights. Keep on keeping on!

Stella

Dear Stella,

I’m glad to hear that you found my writings to be helpful in understanding the therapeutic relationship Dr. Baer and I shared.  It’s true that Dr. Baer and I shared only small amounts of time together compared to the rest of my life.  Although for Dr. Baer, it was a great deal of therapeutic time.  I never understood back then that he spent many after session hours trying to figure out how to treat me.  We may have only spent an hour or two talking each week, but Dr. Baer’s work hadn’t stopped there.  Nevertheless, Dr. Baer always seemed to be present in my mind.  I believe I carried him with me at all times.  I never felt that he wasn’t there when realistically he wasn’t.  I guess that meant we had a great therapeutic relationship, one that left me not alone.  Besides, my alters did create a room for Dr. Baer within my mind.  If you would’ve asked any of my alters, they may have told you he lived within us.

I agree, there are many misunderstandings about those who suffer a true case of multiplicity.  I never acted disrespectful, rude, wild, or drastically changed to any around me.  That is such a misleading part of multiplicty.  My alters were subtle and switched as needed whenever I felt ill, threatened, or unable to handle the situation at hand.  Alters are created to help one survive, not make them the center of unwelcomed attention. That’s why shows such as United States of Tara throw off the reality of this illness.  As a multiple, I never would have acted in such an outward way.

I am glad you’ve found my blog.  I hope that we can share some of our experiences to help inform others of the reality of this illness. I believe we all learn from each other.

Thank you for sharing.

Karen