Comment by Joyce on 24 Aug 2009 at 11:29 am

Karen,

What is most important to know about surviving Multiple personality disorder? After integration and subsequently the years since what would you like other mpd patients to know? Can you fore warn multiples who have integrated about something you found years later that disturbed you? Any advice? What advice can you give to another integrated multiple to watch out for?

Joyce

Dear Joyce,

Interesting questions!  I hadn’t thought much about what has disturbed me since the integration of my alters.  I believe it was best for me to integrate.  Though the idea of losing time and having alters come to one’s rescue sounds appealing, it is not.  It was exhausting living as a multiple: never knowing all that you had done or what you may have said or decided upon. I was fortunate my alters filled me in at the end of each day so my stress was a bit less, but they didn’t always do so.  Unfortunately as a multiple I never could experience what I had done; all that I had accomplished was mere memory.  After integration I felt everything as myself.  And that was a wonderful feeling.

There is something that disturbs me at times.  It comes from the stories I’ve shared with friends, family, co-workers and acquaintances.  Sometimes when someone has read my story or was informed of my past abuse they tend to believe that I will always be mentally ill, forgetful, or simply “not all there.”  This makes me feel disrespected.  It’s easy for someone to blame my past and claim that I must not remember important events or words spoken.  Since integration my mind is on overdrive.  I take in too much information and am unable to concentrate on how to keep minor annoyances from getting under my skin.  My mind never stops.  I get exhausted quickly as I continue to learn more each day.

As a multiple once myself, I would have to advise all multiples to be very careful and cautious who they share with.  There is a high chance of being taken advantage of.  I myself have fallen prey to a few people I thought I could trust.  I was too nice, wanted to help everyone, and there were a few, unknown to me at the time, that I allowed to take advantage of my newfound life, trusting spirit, and love.  I believe after integration I felt like a teenager starting out in the world, a world full of hope, joy, peace, and excitement. I never knew that reality could hurt me again.  My advice is be careful and guard your heart.

Thank you for your thought provoking questions.

Karen