Comment by Raymond on 24 Aug 2009 at 11:14 am

Hi Karen,

Can you give me an opinion? I am a male adult multiple with seven alters, my girlfriend is a multiple, she has 11 alters. We met at a meeting for people like us. I didn’t think it was a good idea to date her but one of my alters did and had sex with her. During sex another alter of her’s came out and accused me of rapeing her. I know it sounds crazy. I’m not feeling right about her anymore. She wants to continue our relationship but what if it happens again? Can I be arrested for rapeing a child alter when I started having sex with an adult? Should I break up with her? Should I continue to go to support group meetings if she’s there? Have you ever gone to a multiple support group? If you met another multiple would you date him? Is there some kind of law that two multiple people shouldn’t date? I know I have lot’s of questions for you but your opinion would be most helpful.

Thank you,

Raymond

Dear Raymond,

Thank you for sharing your story. I am touched that you value my opinion and hope that I can be of some help.  However, I’m not a counselor and can’t give advice.  I never attended a support group for multiples so I can’t really say whether or not I would date someone in one.

In my opinion, if I were you, I would trust my instincts.  I believe you know what to do but are afraid.  I know it’s difficult to not hurt your friend’s feelings, but it can’t be good if you don’t wish to share your true feelings with her.  Maybe both of you need to heal first.  You didn’t mentioned any plans for integration of your alters, so I assume you didn’t get that far into therapy.  Please take time to heal.

I’m not sure about the legal issues of one of your friend’s alters pursuing rape charges against you. It seems to be a very complex issue, and one that I would stay clear of. Please do what you think is best for you. If you feel that the support group would become uncomfortable, then don’t attend. If the support group is helpful to your healing, then attend and try to discuss your discomfort with a qualified therapist.

Wishing you all my best as you continue your journey.

Karen