Comment by John Paul on 05 Sep 2009 at 11:01 am

What’s the point of no return to an altered way of life? Whose to say that you can’t recreate your alters to survive again? What’s the point of integration if all the dysfunction that was seperate is now joined together making up one more confused depressed person? Why does anyone need to remember the past abuse before moving on? Who cares’? The past is the past why not just forget about it? Why not leave well enough alone and stay alive with alters? What’s the big deal?

John Paul

Dear John Paul,

I’m not sure I understand what you mean by the point of no return from an altered way of life.  If you mean, is it possible to regret and fall back into such a life after integration, then the answer in no, it wasn’t for me.  There is no way I can go back to that part of my past.  However, it’s possible that a new stress could create some anxiety that may trigger a past thought and temporarily cause me distress.  But no alter can re-surface.  My alters were integrated and no longer exist as separate parts.  If something should happen to disturb me now, I would need to figure out how to deal with that new issue in a new way, on my own.

For a multiple, integrated or not, life continues to be a journey to heal.  A lifetime of therapy can’t cure such severe feelings of past abuse.  What is helpful is to keep looking forward and have faith.  What is best for me is to not to become highly stressed.  When stressed all thoughts tend to drift back to trigger dark thoughts, deep sadness, and possible suicidal thoughts.  Multiplicity continues to be a mystery to me.  I continue to struggle by trying my best to stay stress free, in hope that I can function at my best.

I don’t believe it’s possible for me to re-create alters again.  Remember alters are born in a child’s formative years in order to help a child survive severe abuse.  Adults experience many life changes, circumstances, trials, but have too much knowledge to create an alter.  I believe the more mature one is, the harder it is to create an alter.  I don’t believe I ever heard of an adult creating an alter.  In my opinion, if an adult has an alter, that alter was probably created during childhood.

Why not leave well enough alone and live with the alters? Nonsense, an impossibility. Why? Because all was not well enough to leave alone in the first place. What’s the big deal? Alters cause chaos, lots of chaos, and they prevent you from growing and developing as a person.  You get stuck in your childhood way of coping that doesn’t let you see the world for what it really is.  There is no sense of calm and peace when alters are running one’s life.  Integration is the best choice if a multiple chooses to live in peace.

Thank you for your challenging questions.

Karen