Comment by Bryan on 07 Sep 2009 at 12:09 pm

Hi Karen! Okay I get the whole idea of switching after reading ST but my questions are crazy but needed to help me understand a bit more. I get the part that each alter is not a full part as in one entire person but a part of the whole as you explain one piece of a puzzle. My questions are” Who took care of the basis daily life necessities like taking a shower, brushing your teeth, bathroom visits, washing clothes, eating, driving, etc, etc? What I’m curious to know is how the alters managed to keep up with all that requires one to get through a day? Who would say that something wasn’t done if no one is designated for the particular job? Now I know it sounds crazy but how did you manage to run without fuel? I would assume you needed tons of energy fueled by what? Do I make sense? Great writing!

Bryan

Dear Bryan,

I don’t believe I’ve answered these questions before.  It’s interesting to think back on how all that needed to get done, did get done with the alters’ help.  I’ll try to answer you the best I can.  First of all, I never remember doing the dishes, yet they were always done by morning. My alter Katherine did them after I went to sleep.  I rarely remember cleaning the house, yet it was always neat and clean, compliments of a few of the alters.  I remember driving my car, but not all the time.  Whenever stressed or tired, my alter, Holdon, would drive for me.  Holdon did much of the driving.

I assume most of the time some alter did the necessary basic daily functions.  I believe Katherine showered, bathed, brushed my teeth, and so on…  Since I was a collection of alters, one or another would do these daily tasks.  I think it was Katherine most of the time.  Mostly, an alter’s job is to prevent confrontation, harm and abuse.  Basic self-necessities don’t rate as abusive.

I am grateful for all the little things my alters did to help me get through everyday. Though it was frustrating at times to wake not knowing how or why something got done, I managed to accept it because it was commonplace for me. Interestingly enough, I rarely questioned how the house was cleaned, how the laundry got done, or how dinner was prepared. They just were, and I felt grateful. As a multiple one learns not to analyze or question things like this.  I would only recognize things when went wrong, were misplaced, or disappeared.

My alters did a great job keeping me moving.  My children were never late for school, a play date, or any activity.  I was always on time despite alter chaos.  My system reacted quickly and I behaved precisely the way I should have on the outside. That way no one would notice any change.  On the other hand my inner system rarely rested.  The reason for creating an alter is to help a multiple survive at all costs.

Fuel?  Yes, I needed quite a bit of fuel to keep going.  My faith was my fuel. Determination was my fuel.  Knowing that Dr. Baer was there for me fueled me. My children fueled me.  And most of all, God provided all the remaining fuel I lacked.  At times when I lacked fuel, I would pray.

Thank you for your questions.

Karen