Comment by Joseph on 16 Sep 2009 at 8:39 am

Karen,

How do you feel about death? Are you at peace? Do you feel any guilt from your past? In the church you were raised to believe in a higher power even turn to your other cheek. Have your forgiven yourself and those who have abused you?

Joseph

Dear Joseph,

I’m not afraid to die. Death is a part of life. Of course there are many mysteries surrounding death, but I believe that we all know that we will die someday. Sooner or later, we all face the same. I believe I am at peace.

I’m not sure by what you mean by feeling guilt from my past? What happened to me in my past was not something for me to feel guilt over.  I was an innocent child who trusted and loved my abusers because I didn’t know better. I never knew what happened to me was considered abuse until my high school years. I believed all children were treated like I was.

You ask if I’ve been able to forgive my abusers and let go of my past. Yes, to some degree I have, but I have not forgotten. It’s not my job to judge.  I believe with my whole heart that my abusers will face a higher power and be punished accordingly. I’ve had to let go of my hatred; otherwise my abusers would’ve won by completing their mission, to kill one child’s spirit for eternity. I couldn’t allow that.  I would’ve stayed trapped within my dark self for the rest of my days. Would that have been fair? I think not. Healing meant I survived. Therefore, I won. My abusers, lost.

Thank you for your questions.

Karen