Comment by Stella on 18 Sep 2009 at 3:23 pm

Hi Karen!

I’ve been keeping up with your posts, really enjoying your thoughtful responses to such a variety of interesting questions, they must keep you on your toes!

My question for you today is this: Since the time that you have integrated all these various parts of yourself into a whole self, do you ever recognize a thought or reaction in your everyday life that feels as though it could be the way a previously separated part would have felt and reacted, or do those kinds of automatic responses from your previously separated emotional memories kind of fade away over time so that everything seems like a new way of feeling and responding now? Hope that wasn’t too confusing! A complicated question but I think you will understand what I’m looking for.

Keep up the great work Karen, sending lots of warm and positive thoughts your way!

Fondly,

Stella

Dear Stella,

Thank you for keeping up with my posts!  That means a lot to me to hear when someone like you comes back to visit and read the questions coming in as well as my answers. I admit the variety of questions does keep me on my toes! It’s been very fulfilling for me to personally answer each question. I’m amazed at the steady stream coming in. Answering these questions gives me purpose.

Yes, at times, I do remember certain thoughts, feelings, and speech patterns that may have belonged to one of my past alters. I don’t really pay much attention, nor do I focus or acknowledge these rare moments. It’s just me being me. But I do notice them, especially during times when I am not feeling my best. If a dark thought is triggered, I’ll quickly try to change it into something pleasant. I may have integrated all seventeen of my alters, but they are all still very much a part of me, and always will be, just not in their old separate form.

Most of my past traumatic feelings and thoughts have faded away. I rarely, if ever, think of the actual abuse I had once suffered that created my alters. I acknowledge, accept, and understand that I was a victim of abuse, but those horrific painful feelings are no longer a part of my everyday life. There are times when I struggle with this, but doesn’t everyone? These days my struggles come with living in reality as one person, in the same way each of us struggles through difficult times.  I continue to do my very best to keep moving forward.

Please write back if you have more questions.  I’ll try my best to help you.

Have a great day!

Karen