Comment by Corrine on 20 Sep 2009 at 7:38 pm

Dear Karen,

I am sitting here deep in thought about who you are and what drove you to this point in your life. I finished reading ST five minutes ago. I have felt suicidal a few times and that was horrible enough. I know your are older than most mpd patients. Most do end their life. What is one thing that kept you alive? As a mpd patient what would you suggest to other people who are mpd? I think you are remarkable. I wish to meet you.

Corrine

Dear Corrine,

Thank you for your thoughtfulness to share. I truly appreciate your questions. What has driven me to this point in my life is faith. Despite what some may think, I am an optimist who tries very hard to continuously overcome dark thoughts that sometimes intrude and drag me down. I have felt suicidal most of my life, but I have learned through therapy that suicidal thoughts were okay as long as I never act on them. Life is hard for anyone who once suffered abuse, but it’s still a life worth living. Staying alive is always a struggle for those who suffer. Accomplishing one day at a time is a celebration.

Is there an average age before a multiple gives in to suicide? I’ve never read anything like that. I believe what kept me going, year after year, day after day, minute by minute, was feeling unconditionally cared for and loved. When I feel loved I can accomplish anything. I have faith, strength, love, and feel trust. But when that feeling subsides or seems lost, I start to fall. At those times I really need support and strength to move forward. Surviving abuse is a life long process. What helps me is to constantly remind myself that my abusers are long gone and dead. And I am here; free to live my life as I always intended to.

It would be my privilege to meet not only you, but all those who wish to meet me and Dr. Baer.

Thank you for thinking I’m remarkable! I am touched.

Karen