Comment by Snickers on 22 Sep 2009 at 1:22 pm

Dear Karen,

At sixteen I was raped. I am a rape victim and an abused woman. Not a multiple personality. But that doesn’t matter at this point ’cause I might as well have been like you anyway. I read you book and came to realize that although not like you I act like a multiple personality to get through my days. I dissociate without dissociation. I need to change my attitude and personality numerous times a day just because of my lies. I didn’t want anyone to ever know the real me because of my rape. Me is weak. I hated my life and decided to become different to different people so I would enjoy a variety of relationships. I act sophisticated for some, crazy girly girl for some, teacher like for some and pretend I am qualified for jobs that I am not. I even have some believing I am a transexual and others a metro male. I am believable. My question to you is. I have gone too far with it and think I am turning my imaginary made up people parts into a multiple personality, a real multiple personality. Is it possible? Could you give me your opinion and ask Dr. Baer what’s wrong with me? Can I, a 27 year old adult woman become a multiple personality after two years making it up? Will my mind accept my lies to compensate my boring life and create real alters? How do I go back without revealing what “Id done? I’m so bad I actually started using your story as a guide book for my lies. I could create a whole new story line by being you, indirectly of course. I am fascinated with you. I have learned so much from you that I probably could become you. Ha Ha! What should I do? Do you think I need a therapist? If you say so I will find me a therapist but honestly what I thought was fun at first is turning out to be hard, very hard work. I don’t know how you lived as a multiple personality Karen. It’s exhausting and takes so much work to keep up. I admire you.

Snickers in LA

Dear Snickers,

I’m really glad you wrote to me. Being a victim of rape is not being weak. Someone stole your innocence from you. That was a horrific crime and not your fault. I understand the shame and guilt you feel. I’ve been there, too! I understand that you don’t feel good about yourself at this time, but that’s why it’s so important to talk to someone. You have taken the most important first step by sharing with me and accepting what happened to you. With support, I believe you can get through this.

My life as a multiple was not as exciting as most people want to believe. A true multiple’s life is exhausting. Being a true multiple is scary. The difference between what you describe and being a true multiple is that multiples aren’t aware, for the most part, of their other personalities.  You are.  Not being aware of all that one does is frightening. I’m glad that my story has changed your thoughts and brought you to a better understanding of the reality of the illness, multiplicity.  I showed your comment to Dr. Baer, and he does not believe you can become a multiple by enacting different personas for different occasions.  He said it lacks the dissociative part that comes from repeated trauma.

What interests me is that you chose not to be yourself in order to protect yourself from the shame you felt after being sexually abused. Although pretending to be someone else can be a temporary help, it’s an awfully exhausting way to deal with your everyday relationships. In my opinion seeking professional help from a qualified therapist would be of real help. For me, my pain lessened as I acknowledged what happened to me and worked on confronting my issues head on. Hiding behind a false self is hurtful to one’s entire being. Please seek help; I encourage you.

Please don’t try to copy me. My life was hell. I believe the more you lie the harder it will be to undo the damage you’ve caused. Try your best to stop fabricating anymore than you already have. Start fresh. Start over. Think of your family and friends, those who admire you, and those you work with. How will they feel knowing you hadn’t trusted them with the real you? Be yourself.  I believe a true friend will always unconditionally accept you for who you are.

I send you my best wishes as you continue your journey to healing, accepting your loss, and moving forward in truth. Please have faith. Writing to me shows me that you do have strength and instinct to know right from wrong. In my heart, I believe you wish to do the right thing.

Please take care of yourself. I would love to hear from you again. Please feel free to write me back anytime.

Karen