Comment by Lee & Anna on 06 Oct 2009 at 12:28 pm

Karen,

Night or day? Which part of your day brings peace, what part of your day causes turmoil? Do you sleep at night with lights on or lights off? Are you afraid of the dark? What about your fathers ghost? Do you take walks at night? when your mind was split up how would your answers compare to now?

Love the mystery about you.

Lee & Ana

Dear Lee and Ana,

My nights are the time of day that causes me the most distress. As I try to settle down for the night and rest, my thoughts keep going and growing. During the day, while I keep busy, there is no room for dark thoughts. At night, dark thoughts can take over if I’m not careful.  I try to keep myself distracted and go to bed when I’m exhausted so I will fall asleep quickly. If I don’t, my dark thoughts can re-surface, leaving me feeling inadequate, sad, and even suicidal.

Mornings bring me the most peace. It’s the time of day when I function my best. I answer my blog questions early in the day when I have time for myself. I rise early, always before 5 a.m. and never need an alarm clock. As a matter of fact, I don’t own one. I’m up before anyone else.

My night horrors come and go. In the past, I would fight going to sleep in fear of nightmares. These days I look forward to going to sleep, my dreams are pleasant, and I rarely have a nightmare. I’m not afraid of the dark. I welcome the stillness of the night.

My father’s ghost? I never saw it if there was one.  There is no room in my life for my father’s ghost. I’ve been through enough. Fear keeps you in prison.

Thank you for your questions, and for loving the mystery of me.

Karen