Comment by Shari on 07 Oct 2009 at 11:12 am

Hi Karen,

I understand the switching process now more than ever after your writings but one question still puzzles me. Since integration how have you been able to deal with reality when reality is not consistent. The ups and downs must require an extreme amount of pressure and instability for you, which in turn could cause dissociation. It did in the past, what would be the triggering point today? Do you continue to dissociate, not like when your alters were working but in other forms of dissociation? I read your answer defining the difference between MPD and DID although they are the same according to the DSM. I can see why you may define them differently. If I were you I would too. Do you now dissociate without alters?

I admire you for waking up my senses to an entire new world. Amazing story. God is with you always.

Shari C.

Dear Shari,

Reality is something we all need to deal with. For me, I needed to pay closer attention not to allow myself to be taken advantage of. After the integration of my alters I have learned many difficult lessons living in a new world. There no longer were periods of lost time. I learned very quickly the need to stand on my own. But in all honesty, I wasn’t very good at always making the right decisions. I believe my life started after integration, a life that was new. My inexperience as one woman was an exhausting, rude awakening.

My alters were terrific at masking all that I needed to attend to. There was so much I had to learn all over again. I’ve become stronger in many ways, but there are times when my lack of knowledge can cause me temporary grief. Sometimes I am saddened by missing out on the life I might have had while in survival mode.

I no longer dissociate in the same way as when my alters were present. But I still have a hard time with the concept of the passage of time. I remember everything, but I can’t distinguish very well whether it happened last week or two years ago. It’s hard to explain. And sometimes, if I’m not careful, it can cause problems. I need to make a conscious effort to write down appointments, acknowledge mail, and make sure I follow-up on things.

Thank you for your compliments and blessings.

Karen